I agree.

the single person has to make their own assessment as to the emotional availability of the separated person. if it is really over then it is really over and there is nothing wrong with dating. there is always a risk that they are not as single as they appear and there is this same risk with totally single or divorced people.

so, it is a matter of emotional maturity, experience, trust and risk tolerance....like any other relationship.

Why not date a separated person? It's an easy answer for me. I do not want to portray to my children that it's ok to be dating someone else's husband.

Because they are still married.

Marriage is a legal agreement and your are still in that legal agreement. I never date married men.

i think dating while separated is okay but i personally would be skeptical towards exclusivity or a committed relationship. however i have two very good friends(in their fifties) that met while both separated and somehow made it thru not just the door together but down the road into a new house and a more stable marriage with one another. i dont think rules really apply in these situations. everyone is entitled to their happiness....but on that note most people dont think theyll find happiness with a recently (or even long term - ugh!(for all parties involved lol)) separated person. but im a youngin and HOPEFUL romantic who doesnt believe in closing doors on unique situations. as long as you are ready for happiness it will find you...just maybe not in ways you expect. dont stress about people NOT wanting to DATE you...instead find yourself again and eventually maybe a great transitional relationship or life partner will be attracted to the "new" you. watching close ones go through separations and divorces getting back in the dating scene was integral for them (each at diff points for ea diff person) but aside from the one couple above all of them have found BETTER relationships now that theyve had time to grow long after their divorces. just live and let live. try not to hurt others. and concentrate on you.

I was married for 11 years. When I moved out, there wasn't a question in my mind I would never go back. But I didn't file for divorce because he had great medical insurance he didn't pay a dime extra for to cover me! He filed 2 1/2 years later. During the 3 years prior to my final divorce, no one ever had a problem with my separated status. But was I ready for a long-term relationship right off the bat? No! Now that I am ready, I wouldn't date a separated person for many of the reasons listed by others above. Too much of a risk for me!

Thank you all for your thoughts. The separation provided us time to make the difficult decision to get the divorce. We will not be getting back together and the process of dividing up everything has began.

I understand the points made by all, and appreciate your comments. I am not married, and not divorced...in between what was and what is, and it is lonely as some of you have found.

Again thanks to all.

slingwing69

it's still adultery.


Get a divorce.

Complicated schmoplicated...end it.

Those that chose to hang on are deluding themselves.

Where I live the courts make you wait 30 days.

you are a sick man,a very sick man.you need help what you are doing is totally unethical and what christain would call a sin...you my friend will see satan and fall in love and wonder why you never became satanic,then after you hear all this you wake up and realize you shouldn't really care what people think of this situation...its your life and what you do is your business....remember you are an adult and something like this is so blah

the point is

to stay together for financial reasons is prostitution.

How much money is or integrity worth?????

I BEG YOUR PARDON! Just because we didn't rush to file the paperwork does not mean I prostituted myself! There are some times when we need the financial help. Oh, and BTW, I didn't ask him for a dime of support or anything else. It must be a nice position you're sitting in to not know what that feels like and to accuse some of us of "prostitution". And the OP said he already HAS filed the paperwork!

at the end of the day it may be frustrating but its your business and your soon to be ex wifes business. youre doing this because youre unhappy so do what makes you happy. sometimes frustration and happiness go hand in hand to help us appreciate our feelings and have some empathy towards our compadres.

i love it when people blindly judge others

I think as soon as a man decides he wants to be single and takes that step of legally separating from his wife, he is just as fair bait as the other single men.

Has anyone ever asked to see a potential partner's divorce papers??
Hmmm something to think about

It always amazes me how some can be so sure they are some how entitled to be happy at another's expense. It is all about me, myself, and I; and not the person they are pretending to be a friend, date, or lover too.

If you are married to another wheather you live together or apart you are still obligated to them on many levels so you are only offering a ( toilet) paper rose to any other person who comes into a "relationship" with you.

Do some people actually find themselves capable of moving on into a sucessful relationship? It is way rare and certainly not a bet I would want to make my future on. Be kind of like building your house on a foundation of sand. Or worse when the Soon to be Ex decides it is that one last great insult it can put the unwitting person in the path of a firestorm. How is that fair.

Everyone in a marriage needs time to greive and heal and that doesn't really begin to happen until the ink is dry on the divorce. Since way too often kids are involved (grown or otherwise) it seems particularly selfish.