I was thinkin' that if i didnt have any memory of the "traumatic experience" then i would'nt be as depressed as I am...does anyone know of a way to accomplish this?

Getting rid of traumatic memories, is that what you are asking? People use counseling and hypnosis to get over trauma in their lives. Group therapy is helpful too.

Welcome Laura..... Yeah, I know the "look" or the all of a sudden not wanting to be around you so much....but it is thier loss. I try not to tell people if I don't have to. Funny, most don't even know. They just think I'm the moody ***** that sits in the front.

I'm glad to see people coming into the thread and hope that we can all be a support system for each other. Marie is super kewl to talk with and Cute and Hill....hi ya'll!!!!

Wow Boozer, I wish I could just take that from you. Marie is right. Being around others who have been through what you have might be a good thing. They can empathize with you. I wish I had the answer........

Something I started looking into while I lived in Spokane was a new therapy called "Rapid Eye Movement Therapy" but the therapists weren't covered by my insurance and I couldn't afford out of pocket at the time. Somehow it allows you kind of refile the traumatic events in your life to a different spot in your brain where you won't think about them so much. I wanted to try it, and was seriously looking into it, but at over $100 an hour, just couldn't swing it at the time. You could Google it and see what you find on it. It is still around I am sure. Just a thought.

Simply depressed again. The ongoing rollercoaster of emotions. Sucks to be me. My life will never change, never get any better, and it's my fault... No matter what I do it is wrong, and when I finally get to the point of success of making that one step foward in life, I get screwed, and I am back to square one. I give up... so I will sit in my room, all day and rot... I have no life. I am not even aloud to have a life. I wish the Good Lord would just take me HOME... I would be better off in the pearly gates of heaven not suffering any more... not mentally, not physically, and most of not financially. I am sure you all can relate in some way, but you my friends seem to have picked up your life and moved on... ME? that will never happen until I get HOME with God... I so can't wait for that day. I sit back and think about my future. How could I make it better. I write down priorities in life, and what I need to accomplish, and then as soon as I know what I need to do, there is always something that stops me, and then when I know what stops me and I try to fix that problem, another problem just stands in my way... There is just no use anymore.. I give up.

Sometimes, life isn't about the happy song you hear in the ending credits of you're life's film. Sometimes, life is about walking with your head up high, when everyone else would normally be walking hanging their heads down if they were in your shoes.

Life is about perseverance...to be strong willed..to carry on in the fight, when others give up. Give yourself credit, for the next breathe you take, when someone weaker, would have called it quits and threw in the towel by now. No one ever realizes the strength they have, it is they, who live a life of misery that set an example for others....because if they can manage to struggle and carry on with their heads up...why shouldn't the others be able to?

People who live in the shadows, will relish in the light, when it finally shines upon them, never taking things for granted like others...because life will taste so much sweeter..to a person who's never really lived..

I stare outside my window, for hours at a time, just lying in bed, thinking...I've accepted that not everyone has a happy ending in life, and I'm fine with that.

The most beautiful and ugly thing in life, is uncertainty itself...you never know whats coming next in life...that makes it worth living..

Don't sell yourself short...Life is always served with a bittersweet taste...but that little bit of sweetness...is what's kept you here this long..

JKK - what happened?? After what you have just been through, give yourself a chance to get back on your feet. You need time to heal. You have a beautiful son who loves you, and Sarah loves you. You just found your grandma and dad and your aunt, who you have been looking for for so long, lots of good things have been happening recently. You were just very sick and could easily have died, but God spared your life, he has other plans for you. He wants you to go on living and to have a good life. You haven't met your grandma or your dad or aunt yet. Sarah's baby is coming in a few months. You have a lot to look forward too. Give yourself a chance to recover from what you have been through these past few days and take your time to heal. Call your grandma and talk to her, I imagine she would love to hear from you. And Sarah is always there for you. Don't throw in the towel, not after how hard everyone has fought to keep you alive. You have so much to live for.

well, I think a depression group is a good idea even for a dating site because you can meet someone you share common ground with. It is important to be honest.
It is sad to read some of the peoples problems here (I haven't read them all yet). I'd rather not go into mine to deep yet, but I do have at least one diagnosed MI, but have suffered anxiety and depression as well.

Marie.. I know, and I am not going to do nothing stupid, but I have more than just one son... I have four children... two boys and two girls... One of my children was born handicapped, and when she was five months old she was dying right in front of me, and yesterday was her birthday... My daughter did make it through her stroke when she was five months old, and she outgrew all her seizures, and her heart problems, but it caused her to be mentally retarded in the meantime... So one day the doctors came into her room to check her out and a foreign doctor picked her up to examine her which I didn't quite understand at the time, and she had another seizure while she was in her arms, and the doctor dropped her on the bed... I went off the deepend... So they put me in NUT WARD for three days and over dosed me on meds, and made me call a friend to take care of her because while in the hospital they accidently overdosed me on medication.. they gave me someone else's meds. While this so called friend had her at her house, I knew that in order to pick her up from her next appointment after being released from the hospital, I needed to have a note stating that it was ok to pick her up and that the meds I was overdosed on were out of my system and that I was able to care for her again... I got that note and went to pick her up only to find out that the people who took her went around to the otherside of the desk at the doctors office and called the social workers and they told them I didn't want her, and then came to me and told me that the social workers said that she had custody... So I left and when I got home I called the workers, and the woman on the phone told me that this girl told them that I said I didn't want her... I never said that... and now they still believe them over me... Too bad lie dectors don't hold up in court... but later on the woman couldn't care for my little girl anymore and she was put in the custody of her mom and sister who lives 3 hours from me... The judge told them that I was to see her once a month, I was to get progress reports on how my daughter was developing, and only gave them temp. custody until I found a home that had another bedroom for her... At the time I only had a one bedroom... So I moved into in a house, and it took a year for me to get that house... I called the workers and they called down to the people who took my daughter and told them that I was going to take all this stuff back to court... The people called me and begged me not to until my little girl finished her therapy and that she was almost finished... So I did what was best for her and I waited... Later on, I wanted to take it back to court, and she said that my little girl was in preschool and she had just started... Well the workers said to wait until she was out of school.. so I waited... about then the next year, I wanted to go to her preschool graduation... I wasn't allowed to go... They didn't want me there.. Said they would call the police if I interferred... So I didn't get to go... So then a while later she had her 4th birthday party.. I was invited... I drove 3 hours to see my baby girl... Stayed for the party, and didn't want to leave, but I had to... Since then, they won't answer the phone, they won't let me talk to her, they won't send me pictures, they won't let me have anything to do with her, and yesterday was her 6th birthday, and they wouldn't let me talk to her... But the people who have her are a mom and a sister of the other person... and the sister told the judge that she couldn't have kids and that is why it would mean so much to have her... and now come to find out... that sister just had a baby girl of her own... My daughter don't even know that I am her mommy... I had a friend call down there last year and talk to the mom, and she begged her to let me talk to my little girl, and finally she agreed... and my little girl whispered... "I am scared of you because you want me back" Maybe she does know that I am her mommy, but they won't let her call me mom or mother, or nothing... I am Christi to her, and that hurts... SO now I am doing my best to get a lawyer after two years.... There is so much more to this story that I couldn't put it all on here... It would take so long... but it is killing me... Her dad called me the other day and left a message and told me that he hadn't seen her in 5 years.... They were supposed to let him see her an hour after my visitation was over when I was seeing her, and they would leave right after I left so that he didn't get to see her... It is wrong... he has rights just like I do.... and now, through the grapevine.. I have been told that she is living in filth... that she has had head lice for the last 2 years and they can't get rid of it, and that she so tall, but weighs so much that the doctors are concerned about her heart again, and that they let her eat junk all the time... I have managed to get pics of her though. Not by the people who have her, but just other people in general, and I think it is time I take it to court...
I talked to my mom last night and she has agreed to help me get my own place so that I can fight this in court... We are all so upset, and I have friends backing me up in court... but hearing all this for the first time yesterday really put me in a bad mood... I wasn't mad, I was hurt... because no matter what I do in life to take a step foward, I get set back... hopefully that will change... I am a little better today, but my heart is just in my stomach right now... How could anyone treat my baby like crap.... I really wish lie dectors were allowed in court... I would really have their butts in so much trouble with all the lies that were told... I supposedly put my child who was sitting her car seat in the middle of the road and walked off... First off... DUH my child couldn't be in a car seat... she couldn't go anywhere in a car... she was hooked up to so many machines.... She had a stroller that she had to lay in... wherever she went, it was by transcare... not a car... but they knew that was a lie from the get go and dropped that accusation right then and there, and the people who said that were in major trouble and was fined for that... but that still isn't the point... Sarah, my best friend in the world, has been on the ball today... She is helping me sort out court records and finding good attorneys so that we can fight this... I hope it works... I have to do something, even if it means taking her out of a home that she has always known and putting her with better people... I hate to do that to my baby girl, but she deserves better.

(((jkk))) You have a heart of gold, and someday that little girl will understand that. I know it doesnt seem like that right now Hon, but just to let you know; there was a time in my life where I was under supervised visitation, and my lil girl said that her step mom said I wasn't her mommy. The next week I brought a picture album and showed her She believed me after that. She was 6.

Hon, my kids are now 21 & 22. I never said a harsh word about my ex. Whe they were teens, they saw what had been going on. They saw that I wasn't the troube maker. They saw that I was no harm to them or anyone else.

Take it one day at a time Hon. You can get through this even if it takes years. Try not to focus on what you are missing, but what you have to look forward to. Take care of the babies you have now. Lavish love on them and don't let them get away with anything either. You are a strong person and you will get things done and you will make it!

You have proved it by telling your story to others here. They may be able to understand and be an ear.........hugs!

Karen

Thanks Karen..

I actually don't raise my children at all.. My mom has custody of one of them and that is my oldest son... She has had him since he was 18 months old, but I signed him over to her.. She always told me that he belonged to her because they share a birthday... Well that isn't why I did it but the reason why she has him is because when I was at the hospital, having my him... and before I had him, the nurses always ask what meds you are taking when they do intake... well at the time, I didn't know not to say anything, so I told them that I was bi - polar and I was supposed to be taking meds but couldn't while I was prego.. Well... they asked me what doc was giving them to me, and I told them I didn't have one that mom worked in a docs office at that time (before she went blind) and that I was getting samples... Well they called that self medicating and that is how the whole thing of social workers got involved... And from that day on, I have had trouble...

Then later on I had my little girl that I am all upset about... but my family and I have talked, and things are going well right now... mom and dad have agreed to help me get my own place, and help pay for it since I can't do it on my own... I have a friend Sarah who is going to give me a bedroom set which will include a queen size bed, vanity and chester drawers, and I am getting a leather sectional that reclines on both ends... I am also getting a kitchen table and chairs... Mom and dad are getting me a cell phone with a contract to use incase I need to call home, and they are going to pay my electric bills until I catch up on some other bills that must be paid... luckily I was able to drop my car insurance down to liability and since I haven't had any accidents I am able to get more of a discount on my insurance which left me with a little of 100.00 to work with on catching up other bills... That was a blessing in itself... Now my job is going to require getting a lawyer and finding out what can be done about my daughter... I keep getting emails stating that my daughter hasn't been to school because they don't send her if she wakes up in a bad mood... OH WELL SEND HER TO SCHOOL... DUH the girl needs it... they need to seriously wake up... but maybe now I can either prove a case in a court with a trial or grand jury if I have to, and I will do what I can to either see her a lot, or to get my daughter back with me... I don't care if I have to eat dirt the rest of my life, I am going to fight this until the end... I can't let this go knowing that she is living in filth... she needs surgery and they won't let her have it... and the fact that she don't even know who I am... I can't live like this... She deserves to know that I am her mom... and I will fight this...

I also have two other kids, but I don't have them either but that doesn't have anything to do with all this... I was abused by an ex husband, and at that time I didn't have a social worker... they were out of my life, and when my younger son was 2 they came to the house because I had went to school with a bruise on my cheek... no one said anything to me, and I didn't think it looked that bad... barely noticeable, and my teacher wound up calling the police because she knew how my ex was, and she knew what he had done... but they got involved and after they left he beat me badly thinking that I called on him, and I left and went to a crisis center... He went up there and swore he would never hit me again, and for me to come home... So the worker called the crisis center and told me to go home... I was scared, but they threatened me and said that if I didn't go home that he was going to file kidnapping charges on me... So I went home... only to find out that he was going to beat on me again... I couldn't get away from him and the police wouldn't do anything... as a matter of fact he hit me upside the head and punched me in front of the cops who were standing a little further back talking to each other, and they tried to say that they didn't see it... They are so crooked her where I live, but anyways... my ex wound up with custody for a week until it was proven that he didn't know how to take care of two kids, since by then I had a baby, and the state gave them to his parents... they are well taken care of and I see them every other weekend... But my family wants to see my daughter too... so does my oldest son... so do I... I just want what is best for her....

I haven't made the best decisions in life, but I have always found a way to get by... and here we go again... Yesterday was a bad day for me... hearing all of this really upset me... I was told that if my daughter didn't have the heart surgery that she needed it could kill her in 2 years... SO I am reporting them to the workers somewhere and to court... I can't deal with it... When she was born, I wouldn't let no one touch her, not even the workers, not my parents, no one was allowed... She had so many tubes and machines that she couldn't be in a car... it was that bad, and now they want to let her live in filth... GROSS... She could develop an infection causing her to die... it could shut down her kidneys and liver... So I need to save her from all this... I am not letting them hurt her anymore...
I am going to do what I gotta do if it takes me eating dirt the rest of my life... and that is a promise I will make to my little girl.

((jkk)) I'm so glad you have said you won't give up. I know from experience how difficult...no sh!tty the courts can be, but it gave me the will to live for them. They are still my inspiration for living. If not for my kids and family, well, I might be pushing shopping cart with all my belongings in front of the nearest train.

YOU ARE DOING GREAT! Keep up for them. You will have bad days and you vent all you want here. If you feel like talking but not in the public forums, e-mail one of us. I'm sure we would all be happy to talk with ya.

hugs!

Karen

(((Ahalo)) so glad to see you back. As I've said before, you are wise beyond you years. Thanks for the input.

Hugs!

Karen

questionerretro Welcome, and you do not have to go into any details if you don't want. You can just pipe in where you want Hon. Glad to see you here and hope you will come back. We can relate to somethings. If not one of us then maybe another.

Hugs!

karen

Hi once again everyone. I want to get something off my chest so here goes. I was talking to a girl on here and then out of the blue they no longer come online or call me anymore. I just dont get what happens or why. I just get disguarged and feel like some people here are just playing games. All I want is to talk to some people and maybe find a woman who will treat me right. I just dont understand what is wrong with me. I aint good enough or maybe I just dont got the looks woman are looking for. I need some feedback from anyone

hi cutts. one thing you probably already know about being online is that you can be whatever you want and no one can really question it.
before you get down on yourself, consider the people you are dealing with. we live in a world full of shallow people. girls of a certin age are real good for that.
who ever really knows why some people get picked and not others.
I mean, how many guys on here that say they treat their woman like a queen, really do so? and then what is their definition of that.
same goes for alot of girls that just want a man to treat them right, but then can't function without the drama of a dysfunctional relationship.
maybe you said something strange-maybe you're just dealing with the fickle-minded.

Tina is right but she failed to mention that there is absolutely nothing wrong with your looks. There are so many people in the other threads that have the exact same concerns and complaints as you. There is nothing wrong with you, just be more selective about who you choose to talk with. Some people use up people like tissue. Blow off and discard. Don't let them get to you. Have faith in you. You're great!

karen

I think it would be good if people would include in their profile that they're currently talking to someone already, at least that would give some kinda reason as to why they don't respond to you when all you're doing is saying hey, you seem like a cool person and I thought I'd say hi.

No response kinda leads a person to think...damn...am I really that bad or what?...

...I hate havin the bluez...thats not really the reason..but just thought I'd add that...cause too many people don't get responses and got no clue why, of course negative thoughts are always the first to jump out

Boozer so sorry for your loss, my brother is bi-polar and its hard. Anyone ever need an ear will be here for you. Evad pls be ok

Cutts you are cute and sweet to boot, don't let one person put you off.