I have a friend who's husband became completely paralyzed and in a wheel chair. She was crazy in love with him and they had been married for 12 years. All she wanted to do was take care of him and said she wasn't missing sex. However, about 10 months into all this she did start going out and having affairs. She says she will always stay with him and take care of him, that she would never hurt him by leaving, but she will continue to go out and take care of her sexual needs. She feels this is better than dumping him. I am sure he knows this is going on and I think it is killing him inside, although I have never talked to him about it.
Would you want your partner to just go and get another life, or could you live with the fact that this person loves me enough to stay and help me, I am not able to sexually satisfy my partner so I can live with it.

That's one of those things that is a rather tricky deal.

It could be said that if he really loved her, and he could no longer provide all things for her, that it would be selfish of him to deny her that particular thing.

It could also be said that if SHE really loved HIM, then it wouldn't be that hard for her to go without that particular thing.

Totally depends on the couple, I would think.

My first thought would be to leave me alone .Hard one to judge .

Humans have needs. The fact she is still with him says a lot but she has to take care of herself as well. People have to get over selfish morality.

Morality is so speculative. I would not want to be a burden to my wife at all if I were married.

Still, kicking someone to the side when they are injured is more than cold, it is a lot more than draconian. It is just plain dark!

sounds like an issue to stay out of until it turns abusive

but hey............

If he chose to stay with me, and our emotional intimacy was not enough, nor our err... 'adapted' lovemaking was not sufficient...

then I would ask him to go elsewhere.

I would also ask him to be honest with me, if he finds he has gotten emotionally involved with a woman, to the point that he may love her....to tell me.

He is not obligated to me, and for as long as he chooses to be with me, and I him, then I would be content.

Actually, that's how it is now...for as long as he chooses, and I choose, I am content.

This is very hard, although I believe in faithfulness and am still, I do not know what to do.

I guess, you can talk to your partner honestly. Make sure that in a civil way. I know it will hurt him but he must understand that he cannot give you the sexual needs and that I hope he will learn to understand and accept that you will always be there for him and will take care of him for the rest of his life. I am sure, he will guard down his decision to let you. But for the woman to find someone to fullfill her needs, I hope that she will think of the partner too and that she is true to her promise to be there for him and not leave him.

They really were a great couple. He is a handful to take care of, he can't do much by himself. I know her intentions were to stay, love him, be faithful.
She is 44 and peaking in the sexual sense... I think it was a hard decision for her.
Would be for me... tough call.
She has had men who want to see her again, she won't have a continued affair.. she feels like that would actually be cheating. She loves him and does not want a relationship with anyone else other than the physical one.

Indeed!
She cannot turn to be a nun and be celibate for the rest of her life...because of this predicament in his life and her life too. NOT sure really...

i'd tell her "you ain't gotta cheat on me,i still have use of my fingers and tongue!"

Is he a paraplegic, or quadraplegic?

He has no movement past his head....eye movement, facial, he can eat when spoon fed...

I have seen this type of thing many times before but from a different view. Many wives may have placed their loved one in a nursing home and just visited. From this view he might be lucky. Caring for the disabled is very difficult and time consuming.

oh hell,ok than ignore my previous post....

Thankyou for more information LadyLid...

If that was me, and my partner wanted to care for me, I would beg him to have a life outside of caring for me.

It's a gift of love, both ways.

quadraplegic... car accident, the driver was killed. It has been about 2 years now. He gets infections quite often to.

If I were the man, I would tell her to go. I wouldn't want that type of relationship. Like you said, it is killing him inside. It is a sad situation though.

If I was in love with the person, I would stay with them and do without the sex.

Has she thought about finding a support group with people with similar problems? That's a difficult situation for her.

Yea, but one thing is true. The Marriage vows that you made to each other. You promised to love each other, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death do you part. I'm not sure what their vows are, but I am sure they didn't say , to have and to hold unless something happens and you cant do it for me anymore or until you get bad health or sick.
Thats just me though.
I know that I could have never ever done that to my wife no matter what happened to her, I loved her entirely to much to even consider seeking satisfaction anywhere else.

Too bad she didn't feel the same.

yea, it is very sad. I have know them both a very long time. She really is a sweetheart and loves him. I can see in her face how hard it is getting for her.
She works alot to provide, has to help him with everything. She has aged 10 years in the last 2 . I would like to think I could do what she does, honestly I just don't know if I could.