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| Topic: How long would you stay faithful if... | |
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WOW. just wow. My husband was extremely sick with cancer. Never once thought of leaving or anything else. three cheers for Connie who clearly knows the meaaning of love and commitment 
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Edited by
Quietman_2009
on
Fri 07/31/09 07:03 PM
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You've painted up your lips and rolled and curled your tinted hair
Ruby are you contemplating going out somewhere? The shadow on the wall tells me the sun is going down Oh Ruby, don't take your love to town It wasn't me that started that old crazy Asian war But I was proud to go and do my patriotic chore And yes, it's true that I'm not the man I used to be Oh Ruby, I still need some company It's hard to love a man whose legs are bent and paralyzed And the wants and the needs of a woman your age, Ruby, I realize But it won't be long, I've heard them say until I'm not around Oh Ruby, don't take your love to town She's leaving now 'cause I just heard the slamming of the door The way I know I've heard it slam a hundred times before And if I could move, I'd get my gun and put her in the ground Oh Ruby, don't take your love to town Oh Ruby, for God's sake turn around -Kenny Rogers |
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Edited by
Kleisto
on
Fri 07/31/09 07:39 PM
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I am trying to avoid criticizing her. I have never said she is a good person or a bad one, I am only trying to place myself in both of their positions. OK, so let's use the phrase getting laid... Would you be able to kiss your husband good night, prepare yourself for another man, get laid and enjoy it? Or would you be so focused on the situation that you wouldn't enjoy it? She is not happy...and I don't think she is enjoying it. She is 44 and at times the sensations overwhelm her. It has been just over 2 years.. i think in time the lack of the emotional aspect will force her to just bag the idea of it all anyway. She is only doing the best she can in a tragic situation. Like I said, I know her, have for many years. She would sell her soul for another chance to make love with her husband. You should sit down and talk to her about this, maybe get her some help so she can better deal with all this, in a healthy way. Cause it sounds like deep down she knows she is in the wrong doing what she is doing, that it's not making her happy or satisfying her in any way beyond the physical. However, like many in situations like this where they use sex for comfort, they tend to tune out that other voice telling them no, out of fear, not wanting to really face their true emotions, their true feelings head on, being afraid of that unknown, afraid to deal with the root of their problems, and why they are doing what they are doing, afraid of change. When that comfort is all one knows, to go without it, can be hard, but if she is ever to be truly happy, or at least as happy as she can be under the circumstances, she's gonna have to. She has to face reality, otherwise she's just deluding herself, and it will break her down even more then she already has been broken. I know, cause I've been and am like her. Maybe not this type of situation, but as far as using sex for comfort and all that. |
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Edited by
agrant333
on
Fri 07/31/09 07:49 PM
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God gives you a life to live,you choose what you want.
Opinions are one thing. Compassion over needs? If you were put into the same? The question would be? How do you feel? An you have your answer. |
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Having been on both sides of this issue I can unequically say if you truly love someone you do not define your love by the physical ability to express it. Sooner or later the majority of couples learn this reality. Some of us learn it very early and it is not and easy thing to face but no where in any vows I have every heard does it say only if things happen when you expect it.
Or inability, which ever way you want to look at it. Physical expression of love is more possible, even within limits of quadriplegic than most outsiders know. Wheather her spouse can effect sex the way she wants it is really more the issue. So it is more and issue of wanting what she wants; how she wants it. IMHO exchangeing love is about the person, there mind, their soul, their humor, their affection, their loyalty (which is obviously absent here at least on one side), faith, respect, selflessness, and other character traits. Nor do you use caregiving as some kind of proof of your love. Does a Mother just love her child because she feeds or diapers her child? I don't think so. Neither does a spouse who addresses those needs. If she is "doing" her husband's care when she is not at work (or out boinking some stranger what is it three or four times a year) she is caregiving because she chooses to. Spouses are not required to give that kind of care if they do not want to do it. If she is; which I question she is doing well if he is chroniclly having infections, there is probably an element of wanting to spend less of his settlement and use it as an excuse to have control over their JOINT resources such as their home, vehicals, children -if they have any, and social security which she would loose if they divorce or he decided he had to recieve care outside of the home. You might think she is being "left with being the caregiver" but you may or may not know if she has in fact barred his family from their home. Sounds like she is doing a pretty good job of manipulateing you to feel sorry for her. For all of the folks that think they would be heroic and just tell their spouse they can do whatever feels good don't have a clue what it feels like to survive a catastrophic injury. If you fight like you have to fight to survive and get home you don't just say ok you can cr-p on what is left of my life of our life/ |
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See, I think spouses are required. Wouldn't that be covered in the "sickness and health part" ?
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See, I think spouses are required. Wouldn't that be covered in the "sickness and health part" ? Well for me it was a privilege for me to care for my spouse and when the situation was reversed my spouse felt the same way. |
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Yes, I agree completely.
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See, I think spouses are required. Wouldn't that be covered in the "sickness and health part" ? Well for me it was a privilege for me to care for my spouse and when the situation was reversed my spouse felt the same way. I love u ladies simply for knowing what is right, i take my hat off to you, thank u for being u
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Hiya Fife! You're back!
Thank you for the compliment. |
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Hiya Fife! You're back! Thank you for the compliment. no problem Connie, i'm only speaking the truth - not always appreciated some of my truths! 
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Everyone has their own truth, everyone has their own life and everyone has their own choices...
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Everyone has their own truth, everyone has their own life and everyone has their own choices... apologies i didn't mean u
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When you love
You love all the way!! |
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When you love You love all the way!!
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Well...In my opinion, God allows us to get in situations to test our faith. Just my opinion. Biblically theres no question, or just one answer...Marriage is sacred. God hates divorce unless-infedelity,loss of faith, which includes inprisonment,lawlessness etc. BUT, were not perfect and are sinners...yadayadayada. If they were divorced then she still took care of him forever? Would this then be ok? I dont know. Was his life in order before the wreck? Is he being tested by God? Very tough call. If you were to consider yourself a Christian, then, in my opinion, cheating is cheating. By the way, you will be rewarded for honoring both him and God. This is a test...the substance is unknown. Good luck to all and the rest of us should be thankful were not in this position.
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Well...In my opinion, God allows us to get in situations to test our faith. Just my opinion. Biblically theres no question, or just one answer...Marriage is sacred. God hates divorce unless-infedelity,loss of faith, which includes inprisonment,lawlessness etc. BUT, were not perfect and are sinners...yadayadayada. If they were divorced then she still took care of him forever? Would this then be ok? I dont know. Was his life in order before the wreck? Is he being tested by God? Very tough call. If you were to consider yourself a Christian, then, in my opinion, cheating is cheating. By the way, you will be rewarded for honoring both him and God. This is a test...the substance is unknown. Good luck to all and the rest of us should be thankful were not in this position. God hates divorce...was his life in order. WTF yadayadayada is right. |
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Having been on both sides of this issue I can unequically say if you truly love someone you do not define your love by the physical ability to express it. Sooner or later the majority of couples learn this reality. Some of us learn it very early and it is not and easy thing to face but no where in any vows I have every heard does it say only if things happen when you expect it. Or inability, which ever way you want to look at it. Physical expression of love is more possible, even within limits of quadriplegic than most outsiders know. Wheather her spouse can effect sex the way she wants it is really more the issue. So it is more and issue of wanting what she wants; how she wants it. IMHO exchangeing love is about the person, there mind, their soul, their humor, their affection, their loyalty (which is obviously absent here at least on one side), faith, respect, selflessness, and other character traits. Nor do you use caregiving as some kind of proof of your love. Does a Mother just love her child because she feeds or diapers her child? I don't think so. Neither does a spouse who addresses those needs. If she is "doing" her husband's care when she is not at work (or out boinking some stranger what is it three or four times a year) she is caregiving because she chooses to. Spouses are not required to give that kind of care if they do not want to do it. If she is; which I question she is doing well if he is chroniclly having infections, there is probably an element of wanting to spend less of his settlement and use it as an excuse to have control over their JOINT resources such as their home, vehicals, children -if they have any, and social security which she would loose if they divorce or he decided he had to recieve care outside of the home. You might think she is being "left with being the caregiver" but you may or may not know if she has in fact barred his family from their home. Sounds like she is doing a pretty good job of manipulateing you to feel sorry for her. For all of the folks that think they would be heroic and just tell their spouse they can do whatever feels good don't have a clue what it feels like to survive a catastrophic injury. If you fight like you have to fight to survive and get home you don't just say ok you can cr-p on what is left of my life of our life/ Some mothers only do what they have to do... These people are friends of mine, I have known them for 15 years. And I know some of his family, they do not want the responsibility of taking care of him, and I do know she is not barring any one from the door...She is not manipulating anyone...and no, they have no children. |
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how would she feel knowing ur discussing her private life online? just curious.
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how would she feel knowing ur discussing her private life online? just curious. Have I dropped her name and and phone number so you all can call her and tell her what a slut she is... Because I am so close to the situation, I find the feed back interesting... I would never show either of them this thread, it would only hurt them and they have been hurt enough. |
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