I was with a girl for 3 months, at the end of those 3 months she saw an ex of hers that used to rape and abuse her. She then got drunk that night and revealed to me through text message her whole life of abuse starting at age five, which i never knew of the 3 months i was with her.

She said that she wanted to still be with me, but could'nt commit. So i decided to give her some space and just be friends until she was able to bring that wall down that she said would take awhile. I made my peace with the fact that we were not going to be together at all in the future, so i started talking to other women.

That made her jealous, and she started talking to a guy that was her friend for many years. She told him about us and how i had moved on and how much it hurt her.

He then jumped in at the right moment and started telling her that he has always loved her and her kids. He then asked her for a commitment and she said yes, only because she thought i had moved on.


She called me and told me this like i was supposed to be happy or something. I told her how i really felt and that i never wanted to break up, but had to because i was trying to give her what she wanted. Well, she just could'nt leave this guy for some strange reason even after knowing how i truly felt.

She said that they already made plans for her and her kids to move in with him and he is being shipped off to Iraq in a few weeks. So again i make my peace and start talking to other women.

Now she's calling me telling me things are not going so well with him. She told me that he seems controlling and he is the jealous type and after sex he does'nt say anything to her he just turns his back to her and goes to sleep. She tells me that she feels used.

She sent me pictures today of her kids, which is cool because i do remain in their lives because of the daddy like bond i have with them.



When i call her she starts talking about more things not going right. Keep in mind that this guy, when he came in, started buying things for her and her mom and her kids.

Now what should i do? I think she regrets losing me and wants to get back with me, just does'nt know how to say it.

All she does is tell me the problems she has with him. I do love her and her two little girls, but, i have also moved on and started talking to other women.

Should i move on and just remain a friend to her and a daddy figure to her kids?

Or should i get back with her and be her lover and the live in daddy to her girls?

Also, does this guy sound like he has diffrent motives for her and the kids than what he's saying? From what she's telling me he seems like he might be one of those nice at first then abusive later type guys and if that's the case, i feel the need to protect her and her kids from this guy.


I would love some advice if you got it.

after 3 months you should not take on a daddy role sounds like manipulation to me

I was with a girl for 3 months, at the end of those 3 months she saw an ex of hers that used to rape and abuse her. She then got drunk that night and revealed to me through text message her whole life of abuse starting at age five, which i never knew of the 3 months i was with her. She said that she wanted to still be with me, but could'nt commit. So i decided to give her some space and just be friends until she was able to bring that wall down that she said would take awhile. I made my peace with the fact that we were not going to be together at all in the future, so i started talking to other women. That made her jealous, and she started talking to a guy that was her friend for many years. She told him about us and how i had moved on and how much it hurt her. He then jumped in at the right moment and started telling her that he has always loved her and her kids. He then asked her for a commitment and she said yes, only because she thought i had moved on. She called me and told me this like i was supposed to be happy or something. I told her how i really felt and that i never wanted to break up, but had to because i was trying to give her what she wanted. Well, she just could'nt leave this guy for some strange reason even after knowing how i truly felt. She said that they already made plans for her and her kids to move in with him and he is being shipped off to Iraq in a few weeks. So again i make my peace and start talking to other women. Now she's calling me telling me things are not going so well with him. She told me that he seems controlling and he is the jealous type and after sex he does'nt say anything to her he just turns his back to her and goes to sleep. She tells me that she feels used. She sent me pictures today of her kids, which is cool because i do remain in their lives because of the daddy like bond i have with them. When i call her she starts talking about more things not going right. Keep in mind that this guy, when he came in, started buying things for her and her mom and her kids. Now what should i do? I think she regrets losing me and wants to get back with me, just does'nt know how to say it. All she does is tell me the problems she has with him. I do love her and her two little girls, but, i have also moved on and started talking to other women. Should i move on and just remain a friend to her and a daddy figure to her kids? Or should i get back with her and be her lover and the live in daddy to her girls? Also, does this guy sound like he has diffrent motives for her and the kids than what he's saying? From what she's telling me he seems like he might be one of those nice at first then abusive later type guys and if that's the case, i feel the need to protect her and her kids from this guy. I would love some advice if you got it.

Sounds like she doesn't know what she wants.. and where is the childrens father? I would say "RUN" as fast as you can.. She will bring you down with her...

Well you are right, it's just something that happen. It's very easy to get attached to kids. Believe it or not you can fall for someone in 3 months. I would'nt say it's manipulation, she did'nt force that bond with the kids on me it just happen. Also keep in mind that we had already made plans to commit, so that's just a give in i'm going to step up and be daddy if we are together, because it's a package deal.

People who have been abused usually do one of two things.
They seek help to understand how the abuse has damaged them and how it can/will effect future relationships.
Or, they will continue and perpetuate scenarios that include subconsciously inviting other abusers into their lives and accept further abuse or seek to reconcile past abuse with current abusers.
You are NOT a counselor and she is NOT getting the help she needs.
It is likely best to stay away as she will continuously yank your yo-yo for years. And don't kid yourself that you can "save" her. She will continue this "bad choice" drama unless and until she cleans her mental and emotional closet. You will note that she continually picks abusers, and you were the exception. She may recongnize it, but she doesn't know what to do with a healthy person in her life.

I believe you can take on a step dad role after you're married you skipped some steps and this is the result i don't believe that there isnt at least a bit of manipulation going on here if this woman loves you she'd would have left this guy you aren't a priority to this woman you are an option until you take that option away