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| Topic: Need some quick advice | |
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 if you feel she's worth it then give her a chance but it sounds like she is still involved with this other guy
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Edited by
goodman30
on
Sun 07/19/09 05:27 PM
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Dude...RUN!!!!!! RUN!!! RUN!!!! Honestly whether you love her or not...she has already shown you that she doesn't love you...she just wants what she can't have... Tell me...why did she tell you that she couldn't commit to you but the next guy she sees she's willing to commit? This chick is using you dude. She is keeping you on the back burner where she wants you. She is using you like a safety blanket but when she sees you move on she sees her safety blanket going away...it's not you she wants she wants a safety blanket. But when that is threatened she knows the only way to get you back into that zone is to start saying she wants to be with you again...again I'll say RUN!!! RUN!!! RUN!!!! Well, i have struggled with that queston myself about the commitment thing and she just tells me that i just don't understand. It was just some stuff that he told her that night with me out of the picture that made her fall for this guy. I could see he was full of it all along but she just could'nt until now when she's already commited to him. You are right i am a safety blanket for her because when i do move on and don't call her for days that's when she starts telling me of the problems. Trust me!! I'm trying to move on, i'm talking to some other women right now. I'm just not going to let anyone hurt those two little girls and they may be the only reason i'm sticking around. I mean i'm in deep with them. I still come around and spend time with the kids, i pick them up and take them places, it's not that i can just run. |
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Edited by
lighthouselover
on
Sun 07/19/09 05:35 PM
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Sounds like she doesn't know what she wants.. and where is the childrens father? I would say "RUN" as fast as you can.. She will bring you down with her... The kids are 4 and 5 and have two diffrent fathers. The 5 year olds dad has vanished and the 4 year olds is a story full of more drama. First it was a guy that is in prison and now i've come to find out that the kid belongs to another guy that she is not sure of because she was gang raped. She could belong to any of those losers that did it to her. And that's just sad because this 4 year old girl is just an awesome, beautiful little girl who deserves way better. First, you are making excuses for her at every turn here...sorry for being blunt about it, but you are. Did you read what you just wrote here? This female has told you so many different things, on so many different occasions...how do you keep them straight? Yes, it is sad that all children are not growing up in loving, caring environments that allow them to have a childhood and security. I love love love children...and one day when YOU have YOUR own, you will love them as well, from what you have said about children. Really, do you want to be in the middle of this woman's web that she is weaving? It sounds to me like you are trying to be a hero here...and you are in this for YOU. YOU want to be the knight in shining armour that will save this woman and her children... I agree with a previous poster that said this woman has serious mental health issues. I can think of about 4 diagnosis right now for her from what you have said. YOUR life with this person will most likely be living hell...everyday. She will most likely cheat on you...I would not be surprised if she threatened to kill herself... From what you have said, she is not capable of being in a relationship with one person... Good Luck... |
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I'm just not going to let anyone hurt those two little girls and they may be the only reason i'm sticking around. I mean i'm in deep with them. I still come around and spend time with the kids, i pick them up and take them places, it's not that i can just run. really, as much as it is going to hurt YOU...I do not think it is healthy to keep a relationship with her children like that... As messed up as she seems to be from what you have said...I would not be one bit surprised if she accuses you of doing something with her girls or what ever... They are not your children and you have no legal right to take them anywhere...if anything happens to them while they are in your care... I can just imagine that they have latched onto each and every man that their mother has paraded through the house... and Yes, I do agree that she USES the children to get guys to attach to them... JMO...I could be wrong... |
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Younger folks haven't been around this merry go round like so many of us have. Sometimes we can tell all and it falls on deaf ears or eyes in this case.
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I agree that it isn't fair to the kids to keep this farce going. They will get more and more attached to you, and then what happens when the new "daddy" decides he doesn't want you in their life? Their hearts get broken yet again. It may be time now to wean away from them. You can't save everyone, unfortunately.
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I agree that it isn't fair to the kids to keep this farce going. They will get more and more attached to you, and then what happens when the new "daddy" decides he doesn't want you in their life? Their hearts get broken yet again. It may be time now to wean away from them. You can't save everyone, unfortunately. and you sure as hell cannot save someone who so obviously does not want to be saved!! The abuse, the craziness...she has lived in it so long, sadly, she does not know what it is like without it...it doesn't feel "normal"... |
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I agree that it isn't fair to the kids to keep this farce going. They will get more and more attached to you, and then what happens when the new "daddy" decides he doesn't want you in their life? Their hearts get broken yet again. It may be time now to wean away from them. You can't save everyone, unfortunately. and you sure as hell cannot save someone who so obviously does not want to be saved!! The abuse, the craziness...she has lived in it so long, sadly, she does not know what it is like without it...it doesn't feel "normal"... You all make good points and i am trying to just be her friend, but, when she sends me pictures of her girls and have them talk to me on the phone where they tell me they miss me and love me and blow kisses through the phone to me, it's just not easy to break away fast. I know in some ways she is using her kids to keep me as a backup plan. I really think she is scared of being treated good because she has been abused most of her life. She told me she had this wall up that could never come down, then when i let her go, the wall drops for this guy like it was never there. She told me over and over again that he is a nice guy, but, i think deep down inside her, she knew what he's all about. |
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You all make good points and i am trying to just be her friend, but, when she sends me pictures of her girls and have them talk to me on the phone where they tell me they miss me and love me and blow kisses through the phone to me, it's just not easy to break away fast. I know in some ways she is using her kids to keep me as a backup plan. I really think she is scared of being treated good because she has been abused most of her life. She told me she had this wall up that could never come down, then when i let her go, the wall drops for this guy like it was never there. She told me over and over again that he is a nice guy, but, i think deep down inside her, she knew what he's all about. sometimes you just have to walk away, and know that you cannot do anymore. She is, IMO, one of the most manipulative kind of people...those thart USE their children to get at someone's heart strings. To use her children, to put them on the phone...to allow that to go on... BOTH of you are using these children, IMO... Is this the kind of person that you even want as a friend? this is the dealio here... YOU have a choice... Yes, you stay with her as in a committed relationship No, you do not have anything to do with her or her children Those are the two choices here, IMO. You just need to make one and stick to it... And BTW...IF you are still considering her...then why are YOU talking to other women??? come on... |
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I was with a girl for 3 months, at the end of those 3 months she saw an ex of hers that used to rape and abuse her. She then got drunk that night and revealed to me through text message her whole life of abuse starting at age five, which i never knew of the 3 months i was with her. She said that she wanted to still be with me, but could'nt commit. So i decided to give her some space and just be friends until she was able to bring that wall down that she said would take awhile. I made my peace with the fact that we were not going to be together at all in the future, so i started talking to other women. That made her jealous, and she started talking to a guy that was her friend for many years. She told him about us and how i had moved on and how much it hurt her. He then jumped in at the right moment and started telling her that he has always loved her and her kids. He then asked her for a commitment and she said yes, only because she thought i had moved on. She called me and told me this like i was supposed to be happy or something. I told her how i really felt and that i never wanted to break up, but had to because i was trying to give her what she wanted. Well, she just could'nt leave this guy for some strange reason even after knowing how i truly felt. She said that they already made plans for her and her kids to move in with him and he is being shipped off to Iraq in a few weeks. So again i make my peace and start talking to other women. Now she's calling me telling me things are not going so well with him. She told me that he seems controlling and he is the jealous type and after sex he does'nt say anything to her he just turns his back to her and goes to sleep. She tells me that she feels used. She sent me pictures today of her kids, which is cool because i do remain in their lives because of the daddy like bond i have with them. When i call her she starts talking about more things not going right. Keep in mind that this guy, when he came in, started buying things for her and her mom and her kids. Now what should i do? I think she regrets losing me and wants to get back with me, just does'nt know how to say it. All she does is tell me the problems she has with him. I do love her and her two little girls, but, i have also moved on and started talking to other women. Should i move on and just remain a friend to her and a daddy figure to her kids? Or should i get back with her and be her lover and the live in daddy to her girls? Also, does this guy sound like he has diffrent motives for her and the kids than what he's saying? From what she's telling me he seems like he might be one of those nice at first then abusive later type guys and if that's the case, i feel the need to protect her and her kids from this guy. I would love some advice if you got it. 
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You all make good points and i am trying to just be her friend, but, when she sends me pictures of her girls and have them talk to me on the phone where they tell me they miss me and love me and blow kisses through the phone to me, it's just not easy to break away fast. I know in some ways she is using her kids to keep me as a backup plan. I really think she is scared of being treated good because she has been abused most of her life. She told me she had this wall up that could never come down, then when i let her go, the wall drops for this guy like it was never there. She told me over and over again that he is a nice guy, but, i think deep down inside her, she knew what he's all about. sometimes you just have to walk away, and know that you cannot do anymore. She is, IMO, one of the most manipulative kind of people...those thart USE their children to get at someone's heart strings. To use her children, to put them on the phone...to allow that to go on... BOTH of you are using these children, IMO... Is this the kind of person that you even want as a friend? this is the dealio here... YOU have a choice... Yes, you stay with her as in a committed relationship No, you do not have anything to do with her or her children Those are the two choices here, IMO. You just need to make one and stick to it... And BTW...IF you are still considering her...then why are YOU talking to other women??? come on... I'm looking and talking to other women because i'm not with her, not really considering it either. I'm was just looking for advice from everyone to see if they would say what i've been feeling, and everyone pretty much has. Thanks for all the advice!! |
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oh yeah you gave her space...ok then ....still....psycho
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I'm going with the majority on this. It's good advice.
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Dude...RUN!!!!!! RUN!!! RUN!!!! Honestly whether you love her or not...she has already shown you that she doesn't love you...she just wants what she can't have... Tell me...why did she tell you that she couldn't commit to you but the next guy she sees she's willing to commit? This chick is using you dude. She is keeping you on the back burner where she wants you. She is using you like a safety blanket but when she sees you move on she sees her safety blanket going away...it's not you she wants she wants a safety blanket. But when that is threatened she knows the only way to get you back into that zone is to start saying she wants to be with you again...again I'll say RUN!!! RUN!!! RUN!!!! Well, i have struggled with that queston myself about the commitment thing and she just tells me that i just don't understand. It was just some stuff that he told her that night with me out of the picture that made her fall for this guy. I could see he was full of it all along but she just could'nt until now when she's already commited to him. You are right i am a safety blanket for her because when i do move on and don't call her for days that's when she starts telling me of the problems. Trust me!! I'm trying to move on, i'm talking to some other women right now. I'm just not going to let anyone hurt those two little girls and they may be the only reason i'm sticking around. I mean i'm in deep with them. I still come around and spend time with the kids, i pick them up and take them places, it's not that i can just run. again I say run...change your number, don't give it to her...I know it sucks because of the kids but as someone has already said...what happens when Abusive Daddy figure #5,6,7....comes into the picture and doesn't want you around? It's inevitable that you are going to have to break off your ties completely with her one way or the other...better to do it now than 5 years down the road when they are a lot stronger...you'll end up hurting the kids less that way. |
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I think you should find someone without so much drama. OMG kitten always knows what she's talkin about. |
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