What strikes me as odd is that when you marry into a family....nobody is number 1 anymore. Its called sharing. And being a grown up.

How bout this. Understand when a person has kids they come first always! What if the shoe were on the other foot and you had a kid would you want women to pass over you because you have a kid? Telling other guys not to be with a woman because she has kids is immature really.

I'm sorry if I offended anyone with my short rant but that is a huge pet peeve of mine and reading the above gave me a serious wtf moment.

I can see that, but for me, the reason I put it there at the VERY first, is because I didn't state it clearly in my last relationship, and he NEVER spent time with me and them together. NEVER. For a year. He expected ALL my free time to be with him, and he even began to accuse me of having a secret double life / relationship because I wasn't with him every waking moment. When I told him "Of course I can't be with you ALL THE TIME unless you want to come hang out with me and my kids too", he looked at me blankly and said, "You told me you didn't need a Daddy."

So yes, I have to state that pretty damn clearly. NO they don't need another dad, but YES they are a HUGE part of my life, which MUST become a part of HIS life too, if it'll EVER work.

You knew there were kids going in.
Kids SHOULD ALWAYS come first.

But she does need to make room for "just you time".

I think the ladies will agree with you. The kids are the most important thing and they should be. That is something that you should know heading into that type of relationship.

I don't think kids should always come first, and I'm sure I will hear about it!...lol
I think kids should be loved, protected, taught, encouraged, given lots of attention, and forgiven.

I believe that unconditional loyalty, trust, entitlement, and enabling can be bad for kids.

That is if we want kids who are confident, trustworthy, responsible, sincere, and empathetic.

I don't believe in saying no to a child just to say no. I believe if you want to say no you should have a reason, it doestn't have to be a great reason but there should be a comprehendable reason.

If your child will always come first, then I believe you ought to stay single. Its only fair to the child, and to the man you may want in your life.

To always put a child first is to empower that child with responsibility way beyond what is good for them whether intentional or not.
It gives a child the same decision making power as the man you may want in your life should have.
Eventually the mom and the child will probably start to over rule the man's decisions 2 against 1.
I could go on all day, but I think put some food for thought out there!
Greg

my advice to you is dont answer adds where the women say the chidren are her life because you wont win that battle. i was married to someone for four years who already had two kids and believe getting alone time for four years was a battle and everything you do will have to include the kids so regardless of whether u feel shes hot or not avoid the ones whose kids are going to be b4 you, no offense ladies but its the truth

not scriptural

the spouse is to come first as the children will grow and depart from you

I don't think kids should always come first, and I'm sure I will hear about it!...lol
I think kids should be loved, protected, taught, encouraged, given lots of attention, and forgiven.

I believe that unconditional loyalty, trust, entitlement, and enabling can be bad for kids.

That is if we want kids who are confident, trustworthy, responsible, sincere, and empathetic.

I don't believe in saying no to a child just to say no. I believe if you want to say no you should have a reason, it doestn't have to be a great reason but there should be a comprehendable reason.

If your child will always come first, then I believe you ought to stay single. Its only fair to the child, and to the man you may want in your life.

To always put a child first is to empower that child with responsibility way beyond what is good for them whether intentional or not.
It gives a child the same decision making power as the man you may want in your life should have.
Eventually the mom and the child will probably start to over rule the man's decisions 2 against 1.
I could go on all day, but I think put some food for thought out there!
Greg

not scriptural

the spouse is to come first as the children will grow and depart from you

Even if it IS scriptual, that doesn't mean everyone follows the Bible. Plus, I don't agree anyway so nyah!



I don't know about other parents here, but I think you kinda missed the mark when it comes to my own personal definition of "come first". It doesn't mean they get to make my decisions for me. It means that if they need me, I'm there for them. Now, my eldest has issues with anxiety, which she often milks. (She's almost 13... they'll milk ANYTHING for attention ), and I have learned very well when she's truly in need of my help and when she's fine. If she's having an actual anxiety attack, you better BET that no matter what I'm doing or who I'm with, I'm running home to her. Period. But if she's just throwing a teenage fit? Nope. Tough love time.

Being a parent is ALL about using your head AND your heart.




Oh I don't think I missed the point at all!!!!!!!! Protecting and taking care of your children is a given. Who would stand in the way of that????? No, I think we are talking about the complexities of integrated families and how a mothers attitude about her children affects the dynamics of such a family. Unless I misunderstood the warning!

I disagree, noone parents my child except for my child, and his father, nor would they be expected to.