I think what the OP was trying to say (and what I identified with) is that if a woman has to note that the kids are #1, then there's some underlying message there. To be fair, she could have come out of a relationship where this was an issue. But I was in a marriage where I was told "We'll have time when the kids are grown." And I see that as an excuse for not putting forth effort in to the relationship.

So I suspect that he, like I, see "MY KIDS ARE #1 and if you can't deal with that, move on" and I hear "I won't have time for you so quitcher whining". And I know that's probably not what was meant but it still turns the switch.

The bottom line is... you have to prioritize your life. Yes, your kids are important. But if you value your relationship you have to maintain it too. If you use your kids as an excuse to not maintain your relationship, you should expect to not have one.

I can see what you are saying and why you would.And you're right, any relatiosnhip has to be attended to. Do you see how the OP came out with this little tidbit though? He called it a "battle". As so many others said before, there doesn't need to BE a battle. A child, especially a young one, requires their needs be met and fairly immediately. And sure, our needs have to be met in our relationships, else we likely wouldn't remain in them very long. But IMHO, it's the childlike or childish me me me first attitude that probably put people off.

I can see that, but for me, the reason I put it there at the VERY first, is because I didn't state it clearly in my last relationship, and he NEVER spent time with me and them together. NEVER. For a year. He expected ALL my free time to be with him, and he even began to accuse me of having a secret double life / relationship because I wasn't with him every waking moment. When I told him "Of course I can't be with you ALL THE TIME unless you want to come hang out with me and my kids too", he looked at me blankly and said, "You told me you didn't need a Daddy."

So yes, I have to state that pretty damn clearly. NO they don't need another dad, but YES they are a HUGE part of my life, which MUST become a part of HIS life too, if it'll EVER work.

....don't advertise this fact of intellegence. 4 years? I'd have figured it out in 4 minutes. Date naked supermodels!

MEN, and WOMEN...................the balance is with the kids! you get ingrained into a family if you decide to love them, period. you go through the trials and tribulations with them, you make a life with them!!!!...........or not.

no question that kids come first, always! be open and accept the kids at their acceptance levels, and LISTEN to them. the ball's in their park, and they are all sniffing you out, and they should! you are the interloper here, and should respect that fact, and could majorly impact their lives for the positive......or heaven forbid, the negative, but communication is the key to all, and it all has to be in the open to make it work, and understand each other, all the way around! respect these women and men for putting children first, and even considering us to be in the inner circle so to speak!!!

for it is an immense priviledge at any rate!!!!

I have no kids. And I'm 43. I kept my pecker in my pants.

Good for you. I assume that means you didn't want any. I did. So I had them.

Always remember...the kids are there lives! Because when the mans gone, you still got the kids. They love you know matter what....

Wow that speaks volumes right there.

Let's be honest though. There's plenty of women and men who have killed their kids because they didn't consider them as important as the relationship. Creepy, screwed up, yes, but obviously, instead of just letting their kids go to the spouse and divorce them, they either didn't want to pay child support, or didn't want the spouse to have the children, or some sort of screwed up thought in their head. I dunno.

But I can't see it being an issue to specifically emphasize that the kids are number one. Heck, after I got away from the screy ex, I found out some of the reason he didn't work was because he had a child out in CA that he didn't want to pay child support for. He'd always told me he didn't have any kids.

I'd rather it just be said. That's why my profile mentions the animals. Ruby, the oldest PBPig was owned by a man who met and married a woman. He had her 3 yrs before meeting this woman and they dated for 7-8 months. He got rid of Ruby a month after they got married. FORTUNATELY, he did the decent thing and got her into a rescue group rather then just tossing her out, but unfortunately, I got to deal with the fall-out of a pig who was so depressed from it, and knew it. Took Ruby almost a year to get over the depression and actually tolerate a man around her. She knew she'd been tossed. The pig rescue group I work with won't take any pig over 5yrs old, because they tend to waste away and die from depression. I'm cartainly not going to get rid of an animal I've had for 15yrs, 10 yrs, 5 yrs, 1 yr, etc. just because the guy is jealous or immature.

So that's why I post it. And commend a parent who posts it on their profile.

I've always wondered why people like that are so adamant to try and change your mind?! It just kills me that they can't take "NO" and let it be.

I shut up the "great parent" comment by explaining how occassionally I believe in the use of the cattle prod, for animals and children. Make sure it keeps them in line, and well-mannered.

animals are just us, in a different skin and languages....

What strikes me as odd is that when you marry into a family....nobody is number 1 anymore. Its called sharing. And being a grown up.

The OP deactivated. Surprise surprise...

Aren't you alone after they go to bed or visit their friends? Kids spend the night with their friends too. There's things of babysitters.

I wouldn't want to be with somebody that didn't make their children a priority. I would actually think less of them for being like that.

I come with 2 boys, 3 dogs an a very spoiled cat, deal with it or move on

do you expect her to sell her kids off so she has more time for just you?

you might not want a woman with a career either

And don't forget, those kids are probably going to be choosing your nursing home too.