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| Topic: The Approachability Issue | |
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Stemming from some forum and e-mail exchanges last night....
I'd like to know what everyone thinks about the concept of approachability when dealing with others here. Because I was told last night that some might not see me as approachable -- and I'm having a hard time grasping that idea. The issue continues to be raised -- usually, couched in terms like "intimidating" or something along those lines -- but the upshot is that people are telling me they don't feel they can approach me. Sorry if I ever gave anyone that impression....! Not the goal, I can assure you. But maybe I'm missing a chromosome or something, because I can't remember ever feeling intimidated by anything I've seen written in these forums, and I've certainly never seen anything that would make me regard someone as unapproachable. I should clarify something here: in my mind, there is a difference between "unapproachable" and "someone I simply would not care to approach." It's the intimidation-vs.-distaste scenario -- not that the person isn't approachable, just that I can think of no good reason why I would ever want to do that. How do you decide if someone is approachable or not? Just curious.... |
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I don't find you unapproachable at all
After reading many of you posts I just feel like I feel about others that we are just diff people with diff personality types is all. I love to read you though and find you smart, insightful, and a good read! I do think our personalities would clash. But such is life! Everyone on this site is approachable I think. It's the response I get back sometimes that's a killer! Tammy |
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I see what you are saying and agree although in my view there isn't really a difference between 'unapproachable' and 'don't care to approach'. Well, maybe there is a difference but I'll be honest, sometimes a photo and a profile ..or text on a forum may give me pause, as in "I don't think this person is a good match'.
Of course I fully expect others might feel the same way about me. |
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Edited by
Unknow
on
Sat 07/04/09 07:53 AM
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There are several factors. Most cannot be explained easily since they are intuitive. I've learned to trust my first instinct in those cases. If it has deprived me of any legitimate shot at meeting someone special, oh well. Observation, when and where possible, has borne out my instincts.
As far as the conscious choices, I will not approach in any manner other than friendliness, someone I perceive as being inundated with admirers. I hate to be part of a crowd. I also tend to avoid approaching women whose interests, intellect, and life style seem to be a bad fit. |
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I've never been intimidated by anyone in cyber...I mean, c'mon, let's get real...it's ONLY the internet...but I can see how some might be intimidated with your words... I hope no offense is taken, but I will give you my gut feeling... You make no bones about the fact that you've pretty much given up finding a mate who can meet all your desires & expectations... An "average" person may look at it like you think you're "too good" for them... Whether it's your intention or not...that kind of attitude can be rather "off-putting"... Does it mean you should lower your standards? Oh HELL no...but you did ask the question of approachability...perhaps that's one of the reasons?
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Edited by
2KidsMom
on
Sat 07/04/09 08:23 AM
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I've never been intimidated by anyone in cyber...I mean, c'mon, let's get real...it's ONLY the internet...but I can see how some might be intimidated with your words... I hope no offense is taken, but I will give you my gut feeling... You make no bones about the fact that you've pretty much given up finding a mate who can meet all your desires & expectations... An "average" person may look at it like you think you're "too good" for them... Whether it's your intention or not...that kind of attitude can be rather "off-putting"... Does it mean you should lower your standards? Oh HELL no...but you did ask the question of approachability...perhaps that's one of the reasons? Well said.. Sometimes,I feel ... stupid...or that, I can not spell well enough. I also have kids,drink sometimes,smoke ciggs,and a few extra pounds. and a few on here, have made it clear,that I would not be a good match,but it does not stop me from being myself,I do not want to try to be something,I am not. Anyway's,I can make a good friend, if nothing else. 
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Phuque has an interesting point I hadn't considered. Most women do seem to prefer one with at least some remnants of a positive attitude. If you've said you've 'given up' somewhere on here, if that is your attitude, then you probably don't seem like someone they want to approach.
I haven't given up myself on meeting someone, although I do feel I have this big wall in front of me and its hard trying to go over it/around it/through it and..well, thats just probably not contributing positively to how I express myself. |
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i dont want to add to this post being about you lex, but.
i find you aprochable, to me i see you as a very clever and almost extinct type of bloke. i think the issue is you dont do the aproaching best of luck mate |
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I've never been intimidated by anyone in cyber...I mean, c'mon, let's get real...it's ONLY the internet...but I can see how some might be intimidated with your words... I hope no offense is taken, but I will give you my gut feeling... You make no bones about the fact that you've pretty much given up finding a mate who can meet all your desires & expectations... An "average" person may look at it like you think you're "too good" for them... Whether it's your intention or not...that kind of attitude can be rather "off-putting"... Does it mean you should lower your standards? Oh HELL no...but you did ask the question of approachability...perhaps that's one of the reasons? Yeah, I can see where you're going with that, and it was never really what I was going for....! I was trying to create a sort of ongoing structure, relative to the seeming absurdity of finding someone compatible on line, that people could jump in and build upon. Some of it caught on (the 897,000-mile distance thing; lots of people seem to have latched onto that), and some of it seems to have flown over everyone's collective head (the "domesticatrix," for example, which I personally thought was a rather clever bit of coinage!) -- But none of it was ever meant to be taken all that seriously. As for the "standards" thing -- well, it's true that I really don't expect to meet anyone who is "perfect" because I don't think "perfect" exists outside of our minds, our delusions, and maybe Billie Piper. But I really only have a handful of absolute "deal-breakers" -- and while I understand that these eliminate about 174% of the women in the world, I still think there must be others out there who could qualify. Of course, I was never any good at math. |
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People like me are far too dense and short sighted to even consider the approachability issue.
I generally get right in peoples faces, spout out my babbling non-sensities, take em by the throat and force them to be my friend whether they wanna like me or not. Just the way I am I guess. |
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Lex is a Doctor Who fan I gather....
Billie Piper was good at the role of Rose, no doubt about that. Much better than Martha. |
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Lex is a Doctor Who fan I gather.... Billie Piper was good at the role of Rose, no doubt about that. Much better than Martha. Yeah, that was where I first saw her.... |
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I don't see you as unapproachable. Just maybe grumpy sometimes :) A smart guy :) this shows you do have feelings :)
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Edited by
ASK69
on
Sat 07/04/09 08:59 AM
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Because I was told last night that some might not see me as approachable -- and I'm having a hard time grasping that idea. Sorry if I ever gave anyone that impression....! Not the goal, I can assure you. How do you decide if someone is approachable or not? Mr.Lex, at the outset, let me point out to you that am a person who calls a spade a spade. Do not take this otherwise, but am only going to be plain honest with you about how i perceive you as a person from reading your profile. What does your headline say?...."Arrogant Narcissistic Conceited Jerk (But Good Speller)". "Arrogant", well every one knows what arrogance means. Question is, whether an "arrogant" person is approachable to me......definitely NO. I do have my self-importance too. And i'd certainly be better off without this "pride" hanging over me. "Narcissistic".....Narcissism describes the trait of excessive self-love based on self-image or ego, as well as lack of empathy for others. Now do i need to tell you whether a "narcissistic" person is approachable to me? The answer is all too plain simple. "Conceited"......vain, proud, egotistical, self-important, self-satisfied. These are just some of the synonyms of "conceited". I guess the words have spoken for themselves. Need i say more? Now, Mr.Lex, i do not know you, i've never written to you, leave alone talking to you. The only way i know you, is through your profile. And the very first thing i read in your profile is your headline. What would be my idea of you from your headline? Well i guess you know for yourself the answer to that (and i've not even talked about the rest of the profile). Bottomline is, that the headline serves as a WARNING SIGNAL to some DANGER ZONE. Now, am sure, your're a very good person at heart, honest, intelligent, who's not afraid to speak up his mind, but the fact is, that your writing (of your profile) gives you away. And that's sad. Cos, i am sure, this is not you at all. But then again, you are the best judge of yourself and this is just my honest opinion. And this is just how i perceive approachability in online dating sites too. My best wishes to you Lex. |
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i gotta agree with phuque's assessment. additionally, i always found it a bit odd that you're a mod for the site and you do come off with a bit of negative advertising, kinda like 'welcome to the site, and rots of ruck finding someone'. it's somewhat of a built in repellant. so, no offense intended, just my honest perspective.
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It could be that seeing you only have half a face, they may be approaching you from the other side and you just can't see them. JMHO
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Because I was told last night that some might not see me as approachable -- and I'm having a hard time grasping that idea. Sorry if I ever gave anyone that impression....! Not the goal, I can assure you. How do you decide if someone is approachable or not? Mr.Lex, at the outset, let me point out to you that am a person who calls a spade a spade. Do not take this otherwise, but am only going to be plain honest with you about how i perceive you as a person from reading your profile. What does your headline say?...."Arrogant Narcissistic Conceited Jerk (But Good Speller)". "Arrogant", well every one knows what arrogance means. Question is, whether an "arrogant" person is approachable to me......definitely NO. I do have my self-importance too. And i'd certainly be better off without this "pride" hanging over me. "Narcissistic".....Narcissism describes the trait of excessive self-love based on self-image or ego, as well as lack of empathy for others. Now do i need to tell you whether a "narcissistic" person is approachable to me? The answer is all too plain simple. "Conceited"......vain, proud, egotistical, self-important, self-satisfied. These are just some of the synonyms of "conceited". I guess the words have spoken for themselves. Need i say more? Now, Mr.Lex, i do not know you, i've never written to you, leave alone talking to you. The only way i know you, is through your profile. And the very first thing i read in your profile is your headline. What would be my idea of you from your headline? Well i guess you know for yourself the answer to that (and i've not even talked about the rest of the profile). Bottomline is, that the headline serves as a WARNING SIGNAL to some DANGER ZONE. Now, am sure, your're a very good person at heart, honest, intelligent, who's not afraid to speak up his mind, but the fact is, that your writing (of your profile) gives you away. And that's sad. Cos, i am sure, this is not you at all. But then again, you are the best judge of yourself and this is just my honest opinion. And this is just how i perceive approachability in online dating sites too. My best wishes to you Lex. I should point out that the whole "Arrogant Narcissistic Conceited Jerk" thing was set up as a kind of counterpoint to the "Nice Guy" threads -- a sort of inside joke, a conceptual continuity for those who like to mention the 4227 "Nice Guy" threads we see every day! From the profile standpoint, I thought it would be fun to use it as a way of making a statement about the sheer vapidity and blandness of most profiles. Anybody who has been here awhile is well aware of my disdain for the "I don't know what to write here"-type profiles that permeate so many sites. If someone can't see past that, it's OK. My sense of humor can get pretty convoluted and if theirs doesn't go in that direction, I don't think we're going to have much common ground anyway. |
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I get that all the time
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Edited by
Dragoness
on
Sat 07/04/09 09:16 AM
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Stemming from some forum and e-mail exchanges last night.... I'd like to know what everyone thinks about the concept of approachability when dealing with others here. Because I was told last night that some might not see me as approachable -- and I'm having a hard time grasping that idea. The issue continues to be raised -- usually, couched in terms like "intimidating" or something along those lines -- but the upshot is that people are telling me they don't feel they can approach me. Sorry if I ever gave anyone that impression....! Not the goal, I can assure you. But maybe I'm missing a chromosome or something, because I can't remember ever feeling intimidated by anything I've seen written in these forums, and I've certainly never seen anything that would make me regard someone as unapproachable. I should clarify something here: in my mind, there is a difference between "unapproachable" and "someone I simply would not care to approach." It's the intimidation-vs.-distaste scenario -- not that the person isn't approachable, just that I can think of no good reason why I would ever want to do that. How do you decide if someone is approachable or not? Just curious.... Firstly, I must say, because we are limited on here with our way of communicating, most communication is in body language, it can be hard to gauge a person correctly. I haven't found you unapproachable, just fairly negative about things most of the time. Negativity can be a turn off. I don't mean this as an insult at all though so I hope you don't take it that way. I just read through the other posts...lol I am sorry, you got hit on this one pretty bad. Maybe it is time to assess yourself and see what makes you so down on life???? Or at least appear that way???? |
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Because I was told last night that some might not see me as approachable -- and I'm having a hard time grasping that idea. Sorry if I ever gave anyone that impression....! Not the goal, I can assure you. How do you decide if someone is approachable or not? Mr.Lex, at the outset, let me point out to you that am a person who calls a spade a spade. Do not take this otherwise, but am only going to be plain honest with you about how i perceive you as a person from reading your profile. What does your headline say?...."Arrogant Narcissistic Conceited Jerk (But Good Speller)". "Arrogant", well every one knows what arrogance means. Question is, whether an "arrogant" person is approachable to me......definitely NO. I do have my self-importance too. And i'd certainly be better off without this "pride" hanging over me. "Narcissistic".....Narcissism describes the trait of excessive self-love based on self-image or ego, as well as lack of empathy for others. Now do i need to tell you whether a "narcissistic" person is approachable to me? The answer is all too plain simple. "Conceited"......vain, proud, egotistical, self-important, self-satisfied. These are just some of the synonyms of "conceited". I guess the words have spoken for themselves. Need i say more? Now, Mr.Lex, i do not know you, i've never written to you, leave alone talking to you. The only way i know you, is through your profile. And the very first thing i read in your profile is your headline. What would be my idea of you from your headline? Well i guess you know for yourself the answer to that (and i've not even talked about the rest of the profile). Bottomline is, that the headline serves as a WARNING SIGNAL to some DANGER ZONE. Now, am sure, your're a very good person at heart, honest, intelligent, who's not afraid to speak up his mind, but the fact is, that your writing (of your profile) gives you away. And that's sad. Cos, i am sure, this is not you at all. But then again, you are the best judge of yourself and this is just my honest opinion. And this is just how i perceive approachability in online dating sites too. My best wishes to you Lex. I should point out that the whole "Arrogant Narcissistic Conceited Jerk" thing was set up as a kind of counterpoint to the "Nice Guy" threads -- a sort of inside joke, a conceptual continuity for those who like to mention the 4227 "Nice Guy" threads we see every day! From the profile standpoint, I thought it would be fun to use it as a way of making a statement about the sheer vapidity and blandness of most profiles. Anybody who has been here awhile is well aware of my disdain for the "I don't know what to write here"-type profiles that permeate so many sites. If someone can't see past that, it's OK. My sense of humor can get pretty convoluted and if theirs doesn't go in that direction, I don't think we're going to have much common ground anyway. Wow! I liked my explanation much better! |
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