i gotta agree with phuque's assessment. additionally, i always found it a bit odd that you're a mod for the site and you do come off with a bit of negative advertising, kinda like 'welcome to the site, and rots of ruck finding someone'. it's somewhat of a built in repellant. so, no offense intended, just my honest perspective.

I've always been quick to confirm that some of the people on my friends list have met "the one" here -- that's not even in question.

And I've never blamed the site for my inability to find someone compatible here -- I've always admitted to being "selective," and I've also stated, on numerous occasions, that I don't believe the kind of person I'm looking for is using dating sites, anyway.

I think the mod thing is completely separate and apart. Just because I haven't had any luck here doesn't mean someone else won't, and the things I do as a moderator have nothing to do with my success level here on the site.

There's a world of difference between saying "This site sucks" and "I haven't found anyone compatible here."

I don't think this is "bash Lex Day"... I think it's kinda' like the question "Do these jeans make my butt look fat?" Do we REALLY want to know the answer?

It's a good question...perhaps we should all ask it of ourselves. ARE we approachable? The only difference is, he asked it in "public"...

Wow, bash Lex day, geez!!!!

I have never found you "unapproachable." We have been friends for a good couple of years now and you have always been a good friend. I actually look for your threads as I DO get the humor in them, maybe the newer people on the site don't know you well enough to catch on to your sense of humor and take them too seriously??

I do understand you have a set of standards in a person you are looking for, don't we all??? I know I have my own personal dealbreakers that I will not relax on.

You have always been supportive of me whenever I needed a friend, and you have been honest about your beliefs and feelings too. Maybe that is what caused someone to say you were unapproachable, they didn't like your "honesty" about what you looking for in a partner.

I hope some of "these" people take the time to get to know you as I have and find out that you are not judgmental and critical, heck, you have been one of my best friends and supporters on this site.

Have a better rest of the day, Lex. Take care.

Jinx, you owe me a coke.

Hehehehe...the first thing I did was look at the time stamp... Will that be Regular, Diet, or Cherry?

I've never been intimidated by anyone in cyber...I mean, c'mon, let's get real...it's ONLY the internet...but I can see how some might be intimidated with your words... I hope no offense is taken, but I will give you my gut feeling... You make no bones about the fact that you've pretty much given up finding a mate who can meet all your desires & expectations... An "average" person may look at it like you think you're "too good" for them... Whether it's your intention or not...that kind of attitude can be rather "off-putting"... Does it mean you should lower your standards? Oh HELL no...but you did ask the question of approachability...perhaps that's one of the reasons?

Thanks, Marie. You've been a great friend here for a very long time, and a kindred spirit for me in the "I like to write long e-mails" club!



I guess maybe some of what I say in here is a little too esoteric....?

But this thread is really not supposed to be about me -- my intention was to ask people how they came to conclusions about who was approachable and who was not....?

Oh well....!

Stemming from some forum and e-mail exchanges last night....

I'd like to know what everyone thinks about the concept of approachability when dealing with others here.

Because I was told last night that some might not see me as approachable -- and I'm having a hard time grasping that idea.

The issue continues to be raised -- usually, couched in terms like "intimidating" or something along those lines -- but the upshot is that people are telling me they don't feel they can approach me.

Sorry if I ever gave anyone that impression....! Not the goal, I can assure you.

But maybe I'm missing a chromosome or something, because I can't remember ever feeling intimidated by anything I've seen written in these forums, and I've certainly never seen anything that would make me regard someone as unapproachable.

I should clarify something here: in my mind, there is a difference between "unapproachable" and "someone I simply would not care to approach." It's the intimidation-vs.-distaste scenario -- not that the person isn't approachable, just that I can think of no good reason why I would ever want to do that.

How do you decide if someone is approachable or not?

Just curious....

To get us back on topic, I often approach people via email or thread who have made me laugh or made me think. Sometimes it's because their sad and I want to make them feel better. I have never had any problem approaching anyone on here and can't imagine that's going to change.

I've never been the sharpest knife in the drawer.