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| Topic: At a cross roads... | |
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northest... by canton/arkon  im southern ohio...was gonna say we could oh nevermind 
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northest... by canton/arkon im southern ohio...was gonna say we could oh nevermind ok well got things to do today.. thank you all for the help. |
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northest... by canton/arkon im southern ohio...was gonna say we could oh nevermind ok well got things to do today.. thank you all for the help. Good luck with your decision, it isn't an easy one to make. Keep us posted we are here for you! 
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ok heres the thing... yes I know I have said I am completely happy with Randy an I am...but I can't stand in here in NJ anymore. I wanna go home, we talked about it an he pretty much said the ball is in my court.. to do what I think is right. I have no clue what to do. He said we can be good friends if I go back, as much as I wanna go back to Oh.. I cant stand the fact of losing him, he is my everything. I am so lost, I'm torn between him an going back home. What do I do?   |
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I was going to give the same advice as Gypsy. Go home for a visit, that should give you more insight on "home". Are you going home to do something there, You're just tired of NJ in general, or you think that Ohio is where you want to be.
Sounds like your on the fence atm. Instead of blowing the thing you have in NJ. Go home for a visit and see how things are there. Who knows, you might go home and meet someone fantastic there, but on the flip side, you might find out that you miss NJ/Boyfriend more than you know. TM |
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Go back home for awhile. Maybe being back home you'll discover what you really want  This is the best advice. You may just be home sick and once there, you will realize that! |
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You can make a happy home anywhere...it's not about the location of your body, but your state of mind and the relationships you have. Every "place" has good things and bad things about it. Decide about the rest of what's important and you'll know what to do. Good luck...it's a big decision.
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Edited by
motowndowntown
on
Sun 05/31/09 04:27 PM
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I may be a rude old a--hole, but let me see if I got this scenario down correctly. Some time ago all you wanted to do was leave Ohio and move to Jersey with Randy, because your parents were mean to you and there were no jobs in Ohio. Shortly thereafter you discovered that Jersey was just as boring as Ohio was. You got a job, but given todays economy and your lack of education and experience, it involves waiting tables, stocking shelves, or running a cash register, and has little promise for the future. You then decided that what you really wanted to do was have a baby, because all of your friends are doing it and, dare I say it, because you think it would bring you and Randy closer together. Now, you really want to move back to Ohio to be with your friends and family, and dear old friends forever Randy basically has given you your walking papers by telling you that the balls in your court, but no matter what he's staying in Jersey with his friends and his family.
Do yourself a favor before you end up pushing a shopping cart down main street dragging a couple of kids behind you looking for cans. Sit down and get out a piece of paper and write out; where you want to be five and ten years from now, where you want to live and what kind of house you want to live in, what kind of career you want to have and what you need to do to get it. Do not include best friend Randy in the equation as it seems he will be unlikely to back you up. Then buckle down, pick yourself up and start working toward those goals. And good luck to ya. |
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I may be a rude old a--hole, but let me see if I got this scenario down correctly. Some time ago all you wanted to do was leave Ohio and move to Jersey with Randy, because your parents were mean to you and there were no jobs in Ohio. Shortly thereafter you discovered that Jersey was just as boring as Ohio was. You got a job, but given todays economy and your lack of education and experience, it involves waiting tables, stocking shelves, or running a cash register, and has little promise for the future. You then decided that what you really wanted to do was have a baby, because all of your friends are doing it and, dare I say it, because you think it would bring you and Randy closer together. Now, you really want to move back to Ohio to be with your friends and family, and dear old friends forever Randy basically has given you your walking papers by telling you that the balls in your court, but no matter what he's staying in Jersey with his friends and his family. Do yourself a favor before you end up pushing a shopping cart down main street dragging a couple of kids behind you looking for cans. Sit down and get out a piece of paper and write out; where you want to be five and ten years from now, where you want to live and what kind of house you want to live in, what kind of career you want to have and what you need to do to get it. Do not include best friend Randy in the equation as it seems he will be unlikely to back you up. Then buckle down, pick yourself up and start working toward those goals. And good luck to ya. You are a pretty smart a--hole. Very well said. Sometimes things just need to be put into perspective. C
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I'm glad someone else said it first. I luvs ya Red, but you were complaining about Ohio not that long ago. I can understand missing your family, for sure. Do what motown says and write it all down and make a plan. Maybe list the pros and cons of everything, and see what it looks like on paper. You can't keep waffling on everything.
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One thing I have learned...pursue what will make YOU happy, if you are not happy where you are...change it, if you are happy...what's there to change?
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I may be a rude old a--hole, but let me see if I got this scenario down correctly. Some time ago all you wanted to do was leave Ohio and move to Jersey with Randy, because your parents were mean to you and there were no jobs in Ohio. Shortly thereafter you discovered that Jersey was just as boring as Ohio was. You got a job, but given todays economy and your lack of education and experience, it involves waiting tables, stocking shelves, or running a cash register, and has little promise for the future. You then decided that what you really wanted to do was have a baby, because all of your friends are doing it and, dare I say it, because you think it would bring you and Randy closer together. Now, you really want to move back to Ohio to be with your friends and family, and dear old friends forever Randy basically has given you your walking papers by telling you that the balls in your court, but no matter what he's staying in Jersey with his friends and his family. Do yourself a favor before you end up pushing a shopping cart down main street dragging a couple of kids behind you looking for cans. Sit down and get out a piece of paper and write out; where you want to be five and ten years from now, where you want to live and what kind of house you want to live in, what kind of career you want to have and what you need to do to get it. Do not include best friend Randy in the equation as it seems he will be unlikely to back you up. Then buckle down, pick yourself up and start working toward those goals. And good luck to ya. Ok the once again with the baby thing... Im waiting! arg but yeah... I know I said before I hated ohio, I know I complain a lot. but thats the thing about me.. I have no clue what I want out of life, I have been thinking bout it for a long time an still nothing. I plan on going to school this fall for something... not to sure.. maybe just take classes. But I do wanna better myself so I can get a good job. |
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Red, take Mo's advice. Write it down, figure it out, think it through. The grass is always greener honey. Find your Joy and go after it. There is always the next best thing. Don't waste your time searching for Nirvanna. You will find it once you know what you want.
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One thing I have learned...pursue what will make YOU happy, if you are not happy where you are...change it, if you are happy...what's there to change? Happiness is a choice we make every single day...to be happy or not. Everyone has stupid, crummy events every day - it's how you choose to deal with them that defines you and your state of happiness or lack thereof. Choose to be happy! |
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So here's what stuck out in that whole rigamarole.
Randy had no problem expecting you to make the sacrifice and move to where he is, but Randy doesn't want to sacrifice anything by moving where you want to be. Sounds like a bit of a one way thing to me. |
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So here's what stuck out in that whole rigamarole. Randy had no problem expecting you to make the sacrifice and move to where he is, but Randy doesn't want to sacrifice anything by moving where you want to be. Sounds like a bit of a one way thing to me. That might be true...but we don't know what Randy's circumstances are. If you had to be the one to move because it made the most sense...would you? It just needs to be a good decision IN ADDITION to the potential relationship because if you don't work out, you are still living in a new place. I still stand by my response re: something good/bad in every place. You just need to decide and then be happy! |
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I actually wouldn't be in that position because it wouldn't make sense for me to move. LOL
Anyway. I wasn't arguing your point. Just pointing out that ( based on what she said...he won't move because NJ is " all he knows ) it seems to be a very one sided type of rrelationship. Hey Red. Look at it this way. New Jersey sucks. Ohio isn't any better. Why do you think all the trees in Michigan lean South??? EVERYWHERE sucks. Period. Make the best out of a bad situation. You don't like being in Jersey, but you DO like being with him. Which is more important to you? |
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I decide to wait a month an see how I feel then, been thinking bout this an I can't lose him, I would rather hate where I live then let him go. He is more important to me! I am gonna see bout going to Ohio this weekend if I can get Sunday an Monday off. thank you to everyone who has helped.
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Everyone gets homesick and that sounds like what you're going thru. There's an adjustment period anytime you relocate.
It also sounds like you're just unsatisfied with your life, so it makes no difference whether you're in OH or in NJ. You have to be happy with yourself, and until you are, you won't be happy anywhere or with anyone. Also, I think you're relying on Randy to make you happy. You yourself are responsible for your happiness and no one else. Happiness comes from within you, whether you have a guy or not, whether you live in OH or not. Motown had some great advice. You have some serious soul-searching to do. We've all been there at one time or another. It's not easy, but it's necessary for your future. Good luck to you. |
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I actually wouldn't be in that position because it wouldn't make sense for me to move. LOL Anyway. I wasn't arguing your point. You would never argue with me! Whip me in a round of golf, maybe...but argue? Never! 
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