He is a azzhole and he is the MOST WRONG person you could have in your life...Dump this rapist and move on, noBODY should be with another that THEY FEAR, or LOVE to the point that THEY feel 'THATS'
ok......I wish you luck and send you prayers for a better life.

I only have one question, He raped u an his penis is still attached an workin??? I'm gonna talk like a Mom to you right now. Get the h*ll outta the relationship now. Do whatever u need to do. Move away, whatever. If I were ur Mom I woulda done kicked his a$$ an moved u myself.

You deserve a better life than what he has put you through. So you can make awesome decisions and choices without him. If you feel you want to go back, call a friend or come here and talk.

Things will get better...

Yeah, everyone here said it....get out! I'd be sayin', 'Feet, don't fail me now', and runnin as fast as I could outta there.

When you find yourself in a better place, a better relationship with someone who is not a user and abuser, you'll look back and wonder WTH you were thinking even given this guy second thought. Best of luck to you!

Two things here...
1. You're allowing yourself to be second best to a couple of guys here (BF and guy w/GF hours away),,, why?
2. On another post, you are saying it's possible you might go back,,, why?

Please, what I say here is only advice and not judging,,, go see your counselor/psych, whatever and address the real issue here. For some reason, you have allowed yourself to be used. I've read other posts of yours. You appear to be overwhelmed with a lot of issues and need to correct some of them or this pattern will repeat itself, sentencing you to a life of misery,,, please see someone...

It sounds like letting go is really difficult for you. It is for me as well. I don't know you, but I am really proud of you for following through with something that is so hard. Tell your family and friends about the situation, and ask them to help you stay busy so you don't get lonely and are tempted to take him back. I wish you the best of luck!

Is this a classic case of "...but I LOVE him!"???????

First, I do think it is like in your "parents' days". People DO do a lot of dating to find the person they want to be with. You just have to make sure that the people you're dating are on the same page as you are. If you and whoever you're dating are all aware that you're not exclusive, and you're just dating, then it shouldn't be an issue. You don't necessarily need to have a talk about it (hello, awkward) but you can easily hint at it and just don't have "the talk" that makes you exclusive.

Second, why are you calling this guy your boyfriend? He's not your boyfriend, he's your mooch. You said it yourself, he's a freeloader and if he's raped you then he's using you in more ways than one. He doesn't love you and likely never will. You're wasting your time and energy (and money it seems) on him. Quit cheating on him. Just dump him so you'll have the right to date others with no worries. I'm glad that that's what you seem to be doing, and I hope you have the strength to keep it up.

Third, if that other guy has a girlfriend, don't waste your time (assuming you're interested in him). If/when he ends that relationship, then you two can get involved. But I'm sure the type of emotional relationship you're having with him right now is inappropriate and disrespectful to his relationship with his girlfriend, and to her alone. You'll find a new totally unattached guy who will treat you as great as you'll treat him. There's no rush :)

Seek professional psychiatric help.

Update to this catastrophy:

I wish I could say I followed through, but I didn't. I ended up sleeping with the guy with the gf (took barely 5 min and I got no fun out of it) and then since I got no fun out of it I immediately went back to my bf/ex and said "Will you have sex with me?" and of course he did. So now he's back....

I wish I could seek help in therapy but I was in therapy for 3 years and the reason why my therapist and I broke up was because of my bf. She told me that I had to stop seeing him before I could come back. I told her that I couldn't, but hopefully some day. That was like a year ago. We've been together 1.5 years (my bf and I). She couldn't see me getting better if I didn't leave him and truly focus on myself. I agreed, but I just couldn't leave, and I still can't today. Plus there is the money issue of how much therapy costs. I do not work and my parents pay for everything (I'm in school right now).

I don't know why I even started this thread. I probably shouldn't have because I should have known I couldn't get out. It's been so long that I've been with him that it's nearly impossible now. I don't take a lot of crap from him anymore and I'm not going to let him freeload off me now, but I'm not...I don't know. The sex is great with him when it's great. When it's bad it's really bad. True it hasn't been bad in quite some time. Maybe I'm afraid that he's trying to do better in our relationship and maybe I'm afraid he is doing better and maybe I'm afraid of actually committing. I don't know. I'm only 22. I feel like a whore. I just wish I never would have lost my virginity in the first place.

There are no decent guys around here it seems. Every guy has an angle. I'll be sweet to you if you give me what I want or give me what I want or else. I have not met one decent guy around here. It's so sad and it scares me. I feel like a bad person, but I also feel like I can't help what I'm doing. I don't know what I want when it comes to sex or men anymore. I've sorta' just gone numb. When I'm horny it's like whoever's around I'll f*ck. That sounds awful doesn't it? Maybe I stay with my bf so that I don't wind up in a worse mess than I'm already in? I don't know. At least it's familiar. I know I have major issues but there is just no money or time or the right person to talk to about them. I keep doing this "Okay we're over....oh wait, I guess we're not" thing...it's the Borderline "I hate you, don't leave me"....I wish I understood my own thoughts and my own needs, but I don't.

check and see if your qualified for the state medical also you may be able to apply for ssi for your medical issue. for your of age and your parents shouldnt have to pay for your theripy

I am under my parents insurance until I'm 25.

Hi Sweetie! I see you've had a setback, how are you feeling? Do you feel horrible about it, or do you just feel like, "Meh, whatever"? I think it was brave of you to check back in and update us, even if some people may have a few things to say about it.

So you are back with your boyfriend, in your comfort zone. I'm not going to judge you, you recognize that it's not where you should be, you don't need a lecture. It sounds like you were not quite ready for such a drastic step just yet(leaving, I mean). You know it's what you need to do, so you aren't going to forget about it. But maybe for now, put it on the back burner until you get things all worked out in your mind. UNLESS YOU ARE IN DANGER, IN WHICH CASE, GET THE HELL OUT NOW!

In the meantime, I would suggest working on your self esteem. Get yourself to a place where you will finally feel confident enough in yourself to do what is best for you. You can google all kinds of ways to build self-confidence. Examples: exercise so that you feel better, make a list of all the things in your life to feel grateful for, look for opportunities to serve others, work on a weakness until it becomes a strength,learn a new skill, etc. There will come a time when you have finally had enough, and you just dont' care anymore about being scared. Good luck!

Which implies that your parents are supporting your boyfriend as well since you said he was freeloading? That's not cool.

There are counselors available for little to no cost, and you could also get health insurance if you don't have it already.



You CAN get out, and you did. You just choose not to keep it that way. It's all a choice. Nothing is impossible. Couples with kids who have been married 30 years break up when things just aren't working anymore, for whatever reason. If they can do it, you can do it. You just have to get rid of the negative attitude about it, grow up, and do it. You aren't doing anything beneficial to you OR your boyfriend.


Good sex is certainly no reason to stay with him. Trust me, you'll find someone else who is just as good or better in the sack.

Thank you for your earlier comment as well as this one. You seem so kind and understanding. People don't realize how hard it is to deal with something like this. *hugz* I've actually been writing more lately (poetry). It's hard though because I did just start school again, but I hope to find time to keep writing and like you say, work on some issues of my own.

and these are the days of our lives

No one would blame you or judge you if you looked elsewhere. However, don't stoop to his level. Cheating and lying isn't okay, no matter the circumstances. I know some may adopt a "don't ask/don't tell" stance; but, in the end, its still asking for problems.

Edited to ask: is there a free support group in you r local area for survivors? You may want to look into it.

I was not even going to comment on this thread BUT I seriously feel like I have to. Here is a question that I really think YOU need to ask yourself...have you noticed that you are messing with men that are already taken? Your boyfriend is married and your ex has a girlfriend so many hours away, so they are both CHEATING to be with you!! Now, in the end there is going to be someone that comes around that is going to be better then you..so they are going to end up CHEATING on you. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND this??
OH MY GOD, I can not handle everyone being so nice about all of this when the real problem here is FIND YOUR OWN MAN!! Maybe that might be a start?? I don't understand how people want us to feel sorry for them when everything started out with cheating!! It is just beyond me!
Now IF this guy is being mean to you and has raped you...what the hell are you doing going back to him? You said he was a freeloader and he doesn't do anything for you but give you great sex BUT yet he raped you!! In all honesty...you need to go and talk to someone!! I think if you are still on your parents insurance, you should make an appt with your family doctor and talk to them about depression!
Good Luck

I have been with guys who were single but were far away from me. I couldn't deal with the distance. If you have read any of my posts you'd know I have 3 mental illnesses, an addiction, and severe physical knee problems. No, it didn't all start because of cheating. Honestly though your comment didn't anger me because it was misguided because you don't me and haven't read anything I've posted in the past or even looked at my profile. Women who have been in abusive relationships understand how hard it is to deal with these issues. Those who haven't been there do not. When you don't understand something you don't have a right to judge it or assume you know what's what. True you made good points, but I've already either crossed them, tried them, they didn't work, or I cannot use them. Thanks for the try I guess?

I never lie. I'm too honest. I tell when I cheat. I tell when I have a bf before I sleep with someone. I have never done the "don't ask/don't tell" thing. I'm too openly honest/blunt/brutal. And I don't believe there is a free support group for survivors in my area. If there was I don't know if I'd want to go.