Please try not to judge me. This is a sticky situation and I am throwing myself out there (and it doesn't make me look good), but I want answers, not judgment.

I do have a question. Anyone in here have problems with relationships? I know I'm young and I'm not sure if it's because I'm young that I have these problems or if it's part of my Borderline Personality Disorder pushing through. I wish I lived back in my parents' days where they dated a lot of people in order to know who they wanted to be with. You may think that's strange but these days it's like if you're with somebody you HAVE TO BE WITH THEM. If you want to try and date other people the other person freaks out and calls you a cheater. See, I've had this boyfriend for 1.5 years and we haven't had the best relationship. He's separated from his wife and has a son. He slept with her 2 weeks into our relationship (I found this out a few months into our relationship). Well I've cheated on him with 5 guys in this 1.5 years we've been together (only going all the way/sleeping with one guy, but doing other sexual things with the others). 1 of the guys and I are still close (he has a gf who lives a few hours away whose parents' don't like him but that's another story) and we hang out quite frequently but haven't done anything sexual since we started hanging out again. Maybe I should add in that my boyfriend can be very abusive and has raped me in the past (he's also a freeloader). When he's a jerk is when I've usually turned to other guys, but other times it's just because he has his son or is busy. Is it wrong to want to see what else is out there? Am I bad person? I really do want to see what else is out there, but I know I'm not going about it in the right way. Someone HELP!!!???

Ditch him.....first thing...he is separated...not divorced...the two of you have a habit of cheating on one another so it is obvious that there is no true love there, stop wasting your time and get on with your life. Rape....are you kidding me? Why you didn't report him is beyond me and putting up with the abuse is ....well, you asked not to be judged...the best thing you can do is get the hell away from him and start respecting yourself...I wish you luck

You need to dump this guy permenatly, and then get your life in order before you even think about getting involved with any other guys.

I completely agree!!! and you are only 22!!! why are you even thinking of settling down? and in an unhealthy relationship to boot- DUMP HIM!!! now! if not sooner!!! move on with your life and enjoy yourself. Good luck to you and take care of yourself!

i agree!

thank you guys i appreciate no judgment but also the boot in the ass

Read back what you wrote and give yourself the advice you would give, if it were a good friend writing this. Seriously. It's time to make a change.

thank you heather.....yeah it's weird...i can always give great advice to other people but then when i look at my life it's like "crap, now what?" i never really thought of looking at it that way...thanks...

A lot of people tend to do that Sweetie...simply because they don't feel worthy....know that you are, keep your head up, walk away and smile, knowing you did what was right FOR YOU!

yeah...i just hope it'll stick this time...i've tried leaving him so many times...but i'm really, really tired of him freeloading now....he's been using my car for over 2 months, eating my food, drinking my drinks, using my computer, tv, ps2, etc. and he has NO JOB so he cannot pay me or get me any food/drinks in return. I even bought him a phone card for his phone. I've driven him to food pantries. It's to the point now where I just can't afford to "take care" of him anymore. He's 38 and I'm 22. I take better care of myself than he does himself. And I've found a good friend now that I can lean on, and I've got other friends I can go to. Besides school has started and that SHOULD keep me busy. Thank you, though. Really. I appreciate everything you said. Sometimes I need a good kick in the azz to get me going (and thanks for not judging me). And yes, it's much easier to help other people rather than yourself (most of the time anyway).

why on earth would you stay with your bf when he had raped you in the past. it sounds more like you really need to find yourself, as it seem that he can really put you down to a low level where you have no selfesteem.. and being abusive is not good....

you need to RUN!!!! and go forward..
also you should and can possibly still press charges against him for rape

He does all of this simply because YOU ALLOW IT! Move on and begin a new life for yourself

You ask "Am I a bad person" but then ask us not to judge, lol.

Ok, first... I agree with everyone else. You need to dump the bf.

Second, I still agree with the 'dating around' concept but I have experienced some of the same issues that you are seeing. You need to be clear with those you're dating that you're dating other people as well.

At the same time, if you're 'dating around', you can't be having sex with them. Or at least if you are, the others you are dating need to be informed. When you are having sex, you are accepting a certain amount of additional risk and it isn't fair to pass that risk on to other partners without them knowing. And no it doesn't matter whether you're using a condom or not.... of course you should be using condoms, but that doesn't mitigate your obligation to tell your other sexual partners that you're having sex with someone other than them.

You definitely need to manage the expectations. If you're dating around, make it clear. If you're having sex, either keep it with one person, or inform all sexual partners that they are not the only one.

thanks tngx165....and yes I know it was a little ironic the "Am I a bad person?" part...

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To everyone in this thread: I just saw my bf and told him that I was sick of his freeloading and I packed up what little was his (food/drink wise) and I took him home. I took his keys away (he has a key to my car and to my apartment and now I have them back) and he's like "you'll be back tonight" and I said "no I won't." He thinks I'll be back, but I am sick of his freeloading. By the time he gets money I will have moved on from him. He thinks giving me full body massages is the same amount cost wise as all the driving/food/drinks/phone etc. that he uses from me. But I'm not buying that anymore. I am done with him (I've gone a week before without him) and I believe I can really get rid of him this time. Considering now he really has nothing to offer me. Thank you to everyone on this thread. Let's just hope I can keep him away.

You aren't a bad person. You are a person in a bad situation. Honey you need to get out of this one. Firstly, if he slept with his X two weeks into his relationship with you, clearly he has no regard for your feelings. If you slept with 5 other men, then you have no regard for his. That says you aren't for each other. And if this dude RAPED you....I'd get out before I cut his balls off in the night with a kitchen knife.

You are young. You have your whole life ahead. Turn this page in your book and move to the next chapter. Good luck.

thanx auburngirl

girl...why would you continue in that relationship? it's an unhealthy relationship and you need to get out. focus on yourself before anything else...and by all means...if he rapes you....call the cops

thank you Snugglesbyfire i plan to come back to this thread if i should want to go back to him...

Why would you even consider staying with someone that raped you?? Run away from him fast.. He is still married...he will end up hurting you...