****Disclaimer - This is from "MY" experiences only!****

I have come to find that SOME "self proclaimed nice guys" are emotionally deficient in being in a relationship with an assertive woman. They think of themselves as being sweet and understanding, but really cannot look past their own insecurities to function with someone that knows her mind. In lavishing great amounts of attention and "love", they don't feel they are rewarded property. How can you reward someone when their expectations are so out of reach or unknown?

That being said, the man tends to shower her with affection expecting her to bend over backwards thanking him graciously for extending that attention. Hello??? It doesn't necessarily work that way. Sometimes a Thank you and a smile is what we have. It is not being ungracious, it is not knowing how to respond with such an outpouring of attention.

As a woman, I have learned to be wary of men (and women) that lavish you with attention and praise because many times there is something sneaky going on. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop causes issues. Is it right? No. Is it wrong? Not necessarily, because after being singed before, you get a little cautious.

Personally, I've been drawn to the "bad boys" in the past because I was young and didn't know better. Looking back, I know I passed up some really great "nice guys" in the process. Things happen, and it sucks.

I have dated a few men that were "nice guys" that turned out to be someone that needed to constantly be validated in who they are and what they are doing. For me, that's a turn off. If you can't be aware of who and what you are and what you are doing... how the hell am I supposed to know?

To me, a nice guy is the one that has emotions and can show them without drowning me in them. I, in return, do the same. I do my best to treat others as I wish to be treated, knowing that they can't read my mind. I would hope, though, that someone that is interested enough in me to want to be "my" nice guy, would know me well enough to know what would make me smile.

you should try it the other way maybe.


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When someone says they are nice, it is in comparison to what? I dated a nice guy. I asked him what he wanted to do on his birthday. He said go golfing. I asked why would you want to do that when you don't like golfing? He said he would be happy just carrying my bag around while I golfed. It was excrutiating to get out of him what HE would like to do. There is nice and there is having your own life and opinions and activities and preferences.

Women want to be with a man who views himself as equal, not inferior. If you don't have your own identity and can't stand up for yourself it becomes difficult to respect you...no matter how nice you are. We need to respect and value who you are, not what you think you can do to please us.

No, I'm a Gentleman. I'll bring ya soup when you're sick, I'll bring ya flowers for no reason, I'll clean yer car cuz I ride in it too, but when I think you're taking advantage of me.... I'm Audi.

i think the trick is to be nice, but not too nice at the same time whilst being able to show you can be a hardass also

Well said Rare & Sully

We're both Yanks from Illinois..

I cried watching The Notebook.....does that make me nice? Or am I just a wuss?

WUSS

yep.

i almost cried watching Reign Over Me. i have no problems with that.


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Never call yourself a "nice guy". Show it.

good call, actions speak volumes.


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Ditto to that - words are cheap, cheap cheap. What do you have to back up what you say?
Definitely back the having your own mind and opinions as well, though. If you constantly strive to be someone you're not to impress someone else, pretty soon that's gonna get old. You have to be yourself and have your own separate opinions and personality. That's what makes life fun and interesting!

I think that any label, such as "nice guy," doesn't tell a person everything you need to know. There are millions of nice people, but that doesn't mean there is chemistry, mutual interests, etc. to make a relationship work. That being said, I think many women are looking for a certain "type" of man; maybe its the exciting, dark, rugged stranger type, or the motorcycle guy, or the guy with an accent & nice hair...all of these things are images we carry with us and are not based upon what is really in someone's heart & soul. It is only through truly knowing someone as a person that we can see if there's a lifelong connection, not just an obsession or attraction.

Believe me, I speak from personal experience! I will ONLY be interested in men that are very nice, but not every nice guy will be the ONE, but it's one of the requirements:)

thank you and welcome to the community. enjoy.


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no problem. i don't see a point in denying this one.

i dont see why anyone should compromise with their primal urges if they are valid. my primal instinct is to want a well rounded STRONG NICE GUY! the problem is alot of men have no idea how to control that balance.

its not that i want a jerk. its not that i want an emotional sap. its that i want the one that walks the line. the very fine line that divides the two.

if you can't walk the line... then you're not what i want.

Cook, clean, cry, kick ass when necessary

no such thing as the nice guy. men to shy to ask for what they want and men too arrogent to stop once they get it.

here's the thing, communicate, communicate, communicate. open your mouth tell the girl you like her. its that simple people. you don't like what you got move on! don't settle in the first place. you aren't finding what you are looking for, maybe it doesn't exist. find the cons you can live with and the pros will make it worth it.

I'm kinda different. Some women just can't understand how hard for me to be nice and not to be a prick. ....You know, feel like having a golf ball stuck in my throat when I need to answer a stupid question

I never had that problem