i like to shower a woman with attention. that's not saying that i call her every minute or every hour or anything like that. but i like show them that they're important to me. i like to be courteous, i like to pick up the check without thinking that i'm buying their affection. i like to be nice and kind and polite and personable.
for some reason this is mistaken for timidness or weakness.



. . .

I would not agree that it is timid or weak. In fact, I think it is quite wonderful that men like you still exist.

I am a strong, independent woman but I still love it when a man opens the door.

You are right, there are a lot of women who will take advantage of a man they see as weak, so don't be a doormat and wait for the woman with eyes to see what a gift she has found in you!

I've signed up for classes on how to be a jerk, once I get my degree...let the dating begin

uh huh ... I don't believe you for a second!

you are right

look i may be the only chick who will admit and explain this to you guys but really....

there is a fine line between NICE and PANSY!!!!!

my god.

here's the thing.

you have to balance strength with kindness and this is extremely difficult to do.

sure it sounds insane but that is life so find a way to function.

most girls say "oohh i want a nice guy..." then date a jerk. thats because no matter how much of a jerk he is.. he seems strong at first. and that is the kneejerk attraction. primal. subconscious.

i dated a guy who complained to me (prior to dating) that he was such a nice guy and wanted to just treat his woman with love and respect. i was immediately attracted to him!

i dated him!

Then found out he was the freakin sensitive dude who cries at the sunset and sings the dolphin safe tuna song on the beach in Bedazzled (see the the movie or youtube it)!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XnqRRkGXqo

i couldn't handle it. he was almost needy in his emotional kindness. I couldn't deal. sooo there's that. and i even sat him down and told him... look you gotta find a way to balance your emotions and nice guy image with strength and individuality. if you cannot do that... you will get walked all over.

it is a humans natural characteristic to take advantage of what is weaker than themselves.

learn from it guys. TOO MUCH KINDNESS CAN BE DEEMED AS WEAKNESS.

its not good and no one wants to admit that that's a real fact of life but its a primal reaction. so find a way around it. that doesn't mean be an ass. it just means put your foot down when needed, don't fear confrontation, and stand up for what you believe without belittling her. and most important... protect her.



last lil story... i promise... my ex who was my first real love... one day let his drunk older brother say extremely horrible things to me. i mean extreme. he stood there and said nothin except "hey now..." and thats it. i was shocked... everyone was shocked. and i looked at my man different from that day on. he left me hanging. and didn't stop to stand up for me in any way shape or form to his bully of an older brother. i realized right then and there that no matter how much i loved him, he was weak. and weakness is not a good trait.

Nuff Said.

thank you rockmybobbysocks for being so honest. most women don't recognize the primal nature of this whole dynamic. and as you can see, very few have ventured to write in here to give their reasoning.

the problem i have with all of this is, we are animals but we have higher brain functions that allow us to adjust our behavior away from our primal instincts. unfortunately, we don't seem willing/able to do this.
i agree that it is possible to be nice and strong and that most nice guys don't realize the need for being strong. additionally, most don't learn how to be strong because most were bullied and harassed during childhood.
wow. i've just had some revelations while writing this.


. . .

Alpha male.


There is your answer.

You say you're being nice, and sure you might pay the bill, but are you going to kiss her afterwards, be assertive?
No, because unless she takes off her clothes and says, DO ME, you have no clue she is even interested.

Nice guys do nice things, but they aren't assertive.
They aren't demonstrative. That is what we want.
Then they get resentful because they were nice and we didn't appreciate anything.

We do not want a doormat, we want communication, affection, intutition....

that last one....
women have their own language that incorporates body language and subtle hints and glances. most men aren't taught how to communicate in this fashion. the way in which men communicate with one another is completely different from the way that women communicate amongst themselves and it's very different from the way that men and women communicate (if you can call it that).
this is why men don't know a woman's interested. women expect us to pick up on the subtle hints and that's not how most of us are programmed.
intuition is knowing something instinctively. men don't instinctively know how to talk to women. woman know this but don't want to accept it.
how many woman who have paired up with alpha males can say that they actually have conversations with those male? i'm not saying that either party is not intelligent enough to carry a conversation. I'm saying that the alpha male type man is likely less adept at actual communication with a woman than an omega male type man.
assertiveness and demonstrativeness are definitely alpha male characteristics. instinctively communicating with women is not.
IMO


. . .

Holy Crap!!!!!

I leave for two months, and these "Nice Guys" threads are still going strong?

I like the nice guy that acts like a bad boy
and has a hint of sarcasm

Drew,

To me - a man who is able to acheive the perfect balance of nice (not too little and not too much) is one who has self confidence - knows what he wants and goes after it. He is kind; compassionate; lifts others up while not dragging them down; he is gentle; loving; has faith in God and can be tender, but rugged, as well.

He is a man who is well known and liked for his ethics and sincerity. Who knows how to be a gentleman in public, but has that special connection with his woman, one when the lights go out and they are alone, bar the door because it will be one hell of a ride.

He is comfortable in his own skin and that draws women like a moth to a flame.

Self assuredness amd asserting himself are two important components, I think, in being a strong man. Or, woman for that matter. Regardless, one that others will want to be with. Learn to take a compliment, say thank you - nothing more than that.

I know that these characteristics are what do it for me. Hope the insight helps.

I believe your Inbox will be filling up with dudes describing themselves as such!

it does. Meg

goofball, can you remove the link from the quote?
thank you.


. . .

Even though we have evolved to adjust our behavior. We have not evolved far enough to take away the baser instincts. There is no rational thought to initial attraction..it is subconscious and instinctual. So until we evolve further, a woman will naturally be attracted to the alpha male...the one that is most likely to provide and protect.

"Nice Guys" suck ass..

That's just because your such a "Bad Boy"!

isn't it funny (sad) though the ones that seem best suited (the ones being chosen) are increasingly becoming the ones who are unwilling to provide and protect. and the ones being passed over for not being perceived as the alpha male are often the ones best suited for the position.
the alpha male identity is one that seemingly embraces irresponsibility.


. . .

I'm a nice guy for the first two months of a relationship. Then I just turn into a prick!