Thanks for the objective outsider's opinion Krimsa.

Needless to say, I am a little frightened!

Oh I dont blame you and of course take precautions on the internet and also when you meet someone in person. I mean we all should but you cant always be clear on people's motivations online.

Yes. More good advice. This is all so complicated!

Okay, I need to say that you are very wise too Krimsa.

I’m not wise, just been there, done that. When you meet a guy from here, do it in a public place on the initial meeting. It can be in the evening or dinner or a bar or coffee but DONT get in his car alone. Arrive in separate vehicles. Then that way you can spend some time with him and get a feel for what type of person he is. It’s just safer.

When I have gone out in public as a woman I find that I do think of these things.

I for sure will meet in a public place. I probably won't be able to follow through on anything until July so I have a lot of time to think, reflect, and see what it is I need.

I will be careful!

Try the university GLBT centers, they may be more active. Most public universities are open to the public.

My wife and I went out a few times as me dressed. That was fun and I felt safer having another person with me.

Thanks Tanyaann. The closest one has a some details on their website.

My problem is because of my job and my family, I can't be too public about this in my own hometown.

Just so you know. You are not the only one. There are many people who are married and are transgendered. I would highly recommend finding a counselor/therapist that will be willing to work with you on your transformation or dealing with any new thoughts or feelings that you may be experiencing.

My email box is always open if you need to talk!

No offense, but you can't define yourself as something you're not. What you're doing is like me claiming to be a dinosaur. I am not a dinosaur no matter how many times I say it or how much conviction I have in my voice when I say it.

A transgender is a person who physically gets their sexual organs changed from one to the other.
Since you have not done that, you are still a transvestite.

A shemale would be a man who takes hormones to get boobs and other female characteristic caused by estrogen, but still has their male organ between their legs.

Hope that helps set you straight.

Is the term "she-male" still considered appropriate or is that a hurtful expression? I thought a she-male deliberately kept the male genitalia intact but then started taking the estrogen in order to become more female so in a sense they have both male and female sexual organs. Not a vagina of course but breasts and a penis. Am I wrong? I’m terribly confused.

Oh wait, thats exactly what you said. Nevermind.

No sir! You are wrong here!

There are some individuals that are transgender that never have surgery and never take horomones and never live as the gender they feel that they are!

So before you go correcting someone who is expressing themselves as they feel and as their truth. You should have your facts straight!

And YES! Krimsa, the term 'she-male' or 'he-she' or any of those are inappropriate terms! And shouldn't be use!

I want an apology for that rude and incorrect retort.


You can't be "TRANS" anything and stay the same.

I saw no rudeness in her comments.

The gender that I was assigned at birth is not a complete description of who I am. The way that society sees me is not who I am.

And for the record, I don't feel that the label as important as the feelings and life of the person behind it.

Gender is not biological term. So to be transgender has nothing to do with sex organs. One's 'sex' identifies one's sex organs. Gender is a construct that defines whether someone feels or identifies themselves to be male/female or more masculine/feminine.

Not to start any more arguing but I think technically he is correct. At least from a clinical standpoint. I don’t know about street lingo but:

Transgender=a surgical gender reassignment surgery has actually taken place in conjunction with hormone therapy which is done prior to surgery.

Cross dresser and a transvestite is the same thing right? It just means that you enjoy dressing and pretending to be the opposite sex but have not taken the hormones or had the surgery.

I think.

He has a wife.

Greetings and welcome. Best of luck.

If surgery has taken place the term would be transsexual

Thanks - looks like I will need some luck