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| Topic: i miss him | |
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Seek professional help, otherwise, you will continue to be in this victim role. Your circumstance has less to do with the guys, than it does with you...yah - - those guys are jrkoffs and they have some accountability..but for the most part, the accountability is yours. These as**holse seem to be gravitating toward you and I think it will continue until you find you what the problem is. roco i am not trying to be a victim like i said i just needed to talk and let lose...where i thought ppl wouldnt judge me...i figured i dont know anyone here why not just talk sometimes strangers make the best of friends...anyway...i dont want ppl to feel sorry for me that is not what i was trying to accomplish... Star, here when you ask for the truth or post a thread, you're pretty much going to get the truth.. Some truths are not pretty and some are not the same as others.. some you won't like but you're getting an honest answer... Roco is very philosophical and usually on point.. I'm usually a little more gentle but he did say part of what I was thinking as well.. We bring our own hurts and troubles to ourselves if we keep repeating patterns and don't put value in ourselves and what we deserve... |
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and believe me i wanted the truth...but sometimes the truth hurts...i was ready for it but it still hurts...i wouldnt be on here if i wanted ppl to lie to me...but i just dont see how this is my fault...i know i shouldnt have left my first hubby for the second...and i know the second one was only 21 but he is the one that proposed...i didnt force him to do that...
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and believe me i wanted the truth...but sometimes the truth hurts...i was ready for it but it still hurts...i wouldnt be on here if i wanted ppl to lie to me...but i just dont see how this is my fault...i know i shouldnt have left my first hubby for the second...and i know the second one was only 21 but he is the one that proposed...i didnt force him to do that... It's not WHAT you did but WHO/TYPES you're attracted to.. That is what he meant... |
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Speaking from age and experience go back and get what belongs to you. Your stuff is yours and don't let another woman move in and take over your belongings. As to yu quitting your job. I would have told him to get the heck out and kept the place up. I went from my husband having a fantastic paying job....to moving out with our two daughters and working two jobs...no public assistant ever. If I can do it so can anyone. Get what is rightfully yours.
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I dont understand why you quit your job? cause you need a job to take care of yourself...i think i would of told him to leave.. and kept my job, moved in a roommate if need be.
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...and i know the second one was only 21 but he is the one that proposed...i didnt force him to do that... And I seriously doubt he forced you into saying yes. It sounds to me like because you weren't getting the love and attention from your first husband, so the second guy that came along started showing you what you wanted, making him seem like Mr. Perfect so you ended up falling head over heels for him. Trust me, when we get in a low and depressed state in a relationship, it is so easy to fall for something like that. And with the state that you are in right now, I'd say it will be very easy for you to fall for something like that again, but this time the situation could be worse. Give yourself some time to discover who you are and what you want in life. It's completely true what they say, you can't expect someone else to completely love you, if you don't love yourself completely. |
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First of all, get your life back on track.
It's not a bad thing to be alone. It seems to me you feel you need to be with someone. You're young. Live life! Do what YOU want to do...then settle down with someone if they come into your life and they are good to you. Yes, there will always be the possibility of a cheating man. It's so much more common these days, but if you worry about that, you'll never learn to love. But first and foremost....learn to live and love for YOU. |
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i wouldn;t like to annoy you. but this looks like it is real and could happen to anyone .. would you agree that you might have changed more in last 4+ years. can you remember the time when you desperately tried to control his life ... did you tried it harder and harder and it got more and more worse... I am sure when u dont know swimming you try harder to make it difficult for anyone to help ..sorry but now dumping and start afresh.. hope this time you know which all places are not to go areas..especially the ones which start/ trigger a fight.. am not talking about right or wrong...if you see ....
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Sounds like you need to find your own place in the world and own activities, with out being dependent on your partner for entertainment. I think you may be a smothering type without knowing it. Everybody needs space and maybe especially you and you may not even know it!!
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check out the book
' Woman who love too Much ' a very worth while read |
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I'm the same age and I have yet to experience being married. I'm am sorry that you have had to deal with all of this.That said I'll tell you what I think you need to do. . .
1) Go get your stuff! You can't be happy or move forward living out of a single laundry basket. This includes your car. If the car is in your name it's yours and he had no claim to it. I know it sounds materialistic but a person's possessions can provide a bit of comfort at times like this. 2) Hunt up a job or offer to clean your friend's house. Keeping busy helps me when I'm heartsick. 3)Constantly remind yourself. . . that he is a CHEATER! I'm a firm believe in the statement "once a cheater, always a cheater" (Others might not agree with me on this, but I've seen it proved true many times) Cheaters are weak men. Remember you are a capable individual and no one can make you feel inadequate without your permission. Again I'm sorry life isn't great right now but a better future is waiting ahead. . . Good Luck |
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  ok heres my story...i need to talk somwhere so i figured here would be the place...and i appologize in advance because its long but i needed to talk.... i am 24 years old i was married to a man for 4 years. things were good for the first 2 of them. then he started wanting to hang out with his friends more than his wife. he would come home from work i would have dinner ready he would eat and then either leave to go to the bar or just go to hang out with one of his frineds. i was never invited i sat at home all by myself 5 out of 7 days of the week. close to our 4 years things were getting worse. we would fight all the time about nothing importiant, when we were home and talking to eachother we would sit on opposite sides of the couch and our sex life was pretty much non existant. i had this friend that i worked with at the time and i would go visit her when he was with his friends, well i met her son and fell madly in love with him. we never really did anything except cuddle on the couch until 3 or 4 in the morning watching movies and falling asleep on each other...it was great. well i ended up leaving my husband for this man.  we'll call him "J". well it took J a while to say he loved me but when he did i was so happy. i was married for 4 years and i never felt the feelings with him as i did with J. everytime we touched i got chills everytime he smiled i got chills. anyway, we ended up moving in together and we were happy. he proposed on oct.17 2007 my divorce was final march 23 2008 (from first husband) and J and i were married april 16 2008. that is how much in love we were...well december 17 of last year J woke up and we started arguing about something so small that i cant even remember what it was...and he proceded to tell me that he wasnt happy and he didnt love me anymore and he didnt want to be with me he was done...i tried asking him why and he said that i was too controlling that he wants to be able to do what he wants when he wants without having to worry that i am going to be upset or mad at him. now let me tell you i never got mad at him for going with friends i did however get upset if he was going to be late and didnt call or text me to let me know..i worry. anyway, we talked and a couple days later he said we will try to fix things i told him i can change and i want to change. well he went to my familys christmas with me and we had a good time. although i thought something was wrong still because from the time he told me he only kissed me a few times. but...i thought everything was going ok well dec 28 he told me that he didnt want to make it work that he can see himself without me and there is no more me and him...well i left i am now staying with my frined 50 miles away from him i have a basket of clothes thats it. all my stuff is still there at our house. he has the car he has everything. i had to quit my job i have nothing. i havent talked to him much since i left...but i went back for one night to get a few things and we talked and again he said he had no feelings for me what so ever but he gave me a hug and said just because we are going thru this dont mean we cant still be friends. you can text me and call me anytime you want. well i only texted him maybe maybe twice in the next week or so and it was a stupid funny forward nothing even personal. he texted me 4 days ago telling me that he never wanted to talk to me again that i dont belong in his life and to stay out of it...he then told me that he cheated on me. that hurt me so bad. i had a feeling that maybe he did since i thought we were happy i had no idea that he was feeling controlled or unhappy in any way if you knew J you would understand he was always happy always smiling goofing off making everyone else smile. when he told me he slept with "her" i was crushed devistated mad hurt..you name it i felt it. i havent talked to him since. my friends say i should just let him go that he is an ass hole that i deserve better and can get better but i miss him. even tho i would love to say i am done with his cheating ass i know in my heart if he came back tommorrow i would go running back to him in a heartbeat...i dont want to be alone for the rest of my life. i know i am only 24 and i have time...but i need to find someone that treats me right i dont know how many ppl will actually read this because i am sure its really really long but i needed to get it off my chest and see if anyone had any ideas on how to forget him..or what should i do? anyone wanna go on a date...lol....thanks for listening that kinda helped again sorry so long  Hit him with a baseball bat
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TRy to smile.. All things happen for a reason.. Just take care of yourself.. seek legal aid and any help that is available...
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just so ppl know...everyone keeps telling me to go get my stuff, one the car was in his name...first hubby ruined my credit, and two...i am sleeping on a friends couch. i dont have any where to put my stuff, i cant even have my pictures or my books, i have to wait until i get my own place before i can go get that stuff
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i am staying on a friends couch until the 23 of next month then i will be homeless First of all I am sorry you are hurting yet you have an opportunity to turn this around and really do some great growth here. The one thing that hit me glaringly is on this statement. You are young, my advice is not to worry about dating or a lovelife of any kind get yourself together, find a home, job etc... Become self sufficient and not rely on anyone. IMO you are pretty low right now and this isn't a great time looking for someone new. Find yourself and the direction you want to go in life and do it. |
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just so ppl know...everyone keeps telling me to go get my stuff, one the car was in his name...first hubby ruined my credit, and two...i am sleeping on a friends couch. i dont have any where to put my stuff, i cant even have my pictures or my books, i have to wait until i get my own place before i can go get that stuff You've expressed an interest in knowing the truth, so here goes. The bitter truth is that each of us are usually as much a part of the problem as the person we complain about. Getting to 'our' part prevents future occurances of 'their' part, and ends the repetition of mates just like our last one. |
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just so ppl know...everyone keeps telling me to go get my stuff, one the car was in his name...first hubby ruined my credit, and two...i am sleeping on a friends couch. i dont have any where to put my stuff, i cant even have my pictures or my books, i have to wait until i get my own place before i can go get that stuff You've expressed an interest in knowing the truth, so here goes. The bitter truth is that each of us are usually as much a part of the problem as the person we complain about. Getting to 'our' part prevents future occurances of 'their' part, and ends the repetition of mates just like our last one. YES!! |
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I am so very sorry that you had such a bad experience in the end with this guy. It sounds like he obviously didn't deserve you and I hate that he did what he did!
 As I don't have any particular words of wisdom or advice to give you, I will say this: my thoughts and prayers are with you and I know that God will help you through this tough time.
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your first problem is you dont want to be alone. everyone needs ot be comfortable being alone and needs to be independent it sounds to me like you are a very codependent person and you have your own issues to work otu before you should have a relationship with anyone.. JMO not trying to be rude
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your first problem is you dont want to be alone. everyone needs ot be comfortable being alone and needs to be independent it sounds to me like you are a very codependent person and you have your own issues to work otu before you should have a relationship with anyone.. JMO not trying to be rude your right i am codependent...i have never been alone...i married my highschool sweetheart, right out of high school pretty much. then left him for J so everyone is right i have never been a lone. and in that fact i am scared but also i am excited. i get to decorate my own place when i get one, i get to do my own laundry instead of his i get to do for ME and i need and want to do that...its just going to take some time to get used to doing for just ME... |
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