100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
| Topic: how arguments start. | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
>> My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping >> channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' >> >> I said, 'Dust.' >> >> And then the fight started.. >> >> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- >> --------- --------- ----- >> >> My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming >> anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 >> in about 3 seconds.' >> >> I bought her a scale. >> >> And then the fight started... >> >> >> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- >> --------- --------- ----- >> >> >> When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her >> someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station. >> >> And then the fight started... >> >> >> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- >> --------- --------- ----- >> >> >> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply >> for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my >> driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized >> I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, >> but I would have to go home and come back later. >> >> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt >> revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your >> chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my So cial Security >> application. >> >> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience >> at the Social Security office. >> >> She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have >> gotten disability, too.' >> >> And then the fight started... >> >> >> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- >> --------- --------- ----- >> >> >> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school >> reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she >> sat alone at a nearby table. >> >> My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' >> >> 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she >> took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I >> hear she hasn't been sober since.' >> >> 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on >> celebrating that long?' >> >> And then the fight started... >> >> >> >> >> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- >> --------- --------- ----- >> >> >> >> >> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, >> took my order first. >> >> "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please" >> >> He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" >> >> Nah, she can order for herself." >> >> And then the fight started... >> >> ------------ --------- --------- --- >> >> A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. >> She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, & gt;> 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. >> I really need you to pay me a compliment.' >> >> The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' >> >> And then the fight started..... >> >> ------------ --------- --------- ------ >> >> I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for >> $14.95. >> >> Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. >> >> I told her the beer would make her look better at night than >> the cold cream. >> >> And then the fight started.... >> >> ------------ --------- --------- --------- ----- >> >> My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I >> told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday >> >> and then the fight started..... >> >> ------- ----- --------- --------- --------- ------ >> >> A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. >> >> Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from >> outside. >> >> The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the >> man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!' >> >> So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out >> the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush >> and to his car as fast as he could go. >> >> A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and >> screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!' >> >> The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?' >> >> And then the fight started..... >> >> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---- >> > ;> Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my >> lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. >> >> I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out >> into a torrential downpour. >> >> The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, >> turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all >> day. >> >> I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back >> into bed. >> >> I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different >> anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' >> >> My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid >> husband is out fishing in that?' >> >> And then the fight started .. >> >> >> >> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---- >> >> >> >> I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? >> " >> >> It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. >> "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. >> >> So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?" >> >> And that's when the fight started.... >> >> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---- >> >> My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while >> we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" >> >> "No," she answered. >> >> I then said, "Is that your final answer?" >> >> She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." >> >> So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." >> And that's when the fight started.... |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
>> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
>> reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. >> >> My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' >> >> 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she >> took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' >> >> 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' >> >> And then the fight started... That one is my favorite |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
i like the millionaire one
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
you seem to be very brave are you still married LOL but they sure are funny
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Damn, these are hilarious. Thanks for the laughs.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
>> A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
>> She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, & gt;> 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. >> I really need you to pay me a compliment.' >> >> The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' >> >> And then the fight started..... >> >> ------------ --------- --------- ------ >> >> My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I >> told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday >> >> and then the fight started..... >> >> ------- ----- --------- --------- --------- ------ >> I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? >> " >> >> It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. >> "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. >> >> So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?" >> >> And that's when the fight started.... >> >> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---- >> >> My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while >> we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" >> >> "No," she answered. >> >> I then said, "Is that your final answer?" >> >> She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." >> >> So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." >> And that's when the fight started.... Why is it that they are funny as Jokes But never funny when it's actually said to you |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I admit it's one sided, but if she was witty enough, she could have easily turned it around.
>> A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. >> She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, & gt;> 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. >> I really need you to pay me a compliment.' >> >> The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' >> >>And she said, "Oh, never mind about a compliment dear, I feel much better when I'm standing next to you." >> >> ------------ --------- --------- ------ >> >> My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I >> told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday >> >> And she said, "but, honey, that was your shirt." >> >> ------- ----- --------- --------- --------- ------ >> I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? >> " >> >> It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. >> "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. >> >> So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?" >> >> And she said, "Okay, but are you sure you're okay with me and Bob in the kitchen?" >> >> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---- >> >> My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while >> we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" >> >> "No," she answered. >> >> I then said, "Is that your final answer?" >> >> She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." >> >> So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." >> So, she said, "ok, but Fluffy doesn't have a phone." LOL, laugh a little woman, laugh. :-) |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I'm not denieying that the jokes were Funny most of them are I guess I was taking them to personally and your right I do need to laugh a little and lighten up.....
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Did you read my modifications above?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Yes.....good for a laugh.....
|
|
|
|
|
