At times I have a hard time expressing my love for a woman with my voice. And so I try my best to make the woman in my life happy; sending flowers and cards, paying for dinner and gas. I dont send gifts all the time, I try to make it a special thing, to show that I really do care. I try my best to be compassionate and understanding, yet none of this helps me keep a woman.

So the questions I have are; Am I doing all of this wrong? Should I replace my affection and caring with harsh words and an over whelming feeling of displeasure? If I want to stay in a relationship am I supposed to be an out right jerk all the time?

I try to be a nice guy, but it seems that there is no room for nice guys in relationships these days.

Maybe you should work on expressing your love through words. Buying gifts for a woman all the time might make it seem like your trying to by her love.

I dont see where you go from showing your love with gifts to using harsh words to her.


Any woman that likes to be treated like crap is not one you want to keep around.

J is spot on my man.

The thing is....changing who you are won't help the Kharma thing one bit. Ya gotta be true to you. When you find the woman who digs on the real you...then you have found a keeper.

I do feel bad for the people who just have a hard time speaking thier heart...never had that problem but, I do understand it. I have found that poetry goes a long way with ladies....no, I am not gay...just really good at writing poetry. But, even if you can't write it...doesn't mean you can't read some to her occasionally. Give it a shot. What do you have to lose?

a "nice guy" thread....

What he said

Gah! There is a book and I can't think of the title. I think it was kinda religious based. But the concept is accurate.

People express love in different ways. Some are more verbal, some are gift givers, some are doers. There are 5 primary ways of expressing love.

The key isn't the you express it. The key is figuring out the way the other person expresses it and try to let them know in the way they understand. If a person is verbal, you need to be more verbal for her to recognize it. If she is a doer, you have to do things for her to recognize it. And doing things is separate from gift giving.

Try a picnic in the park, holding hands, going for a walk, not a better gift than that. JMO

There is plenty of room honey...more than enough room for a nice guy. Women are a completely different creature compared to a man. I follow your logic with the gift giving and taking care of paying for things (dinner, gas, etc). However, we need more than that.

I'm not going to begin to think I can speak for ALL women... we'll talk about me. I need to HEAR and FEEL a man's love for me. To me, gifts are sweet...but in the end only show me that he can make and spend money. There's something to be said for the gentle little things that a man does...the way someone just looks at you when they love you...it can just melt you.

Personally, I need to hear "I Love You". Understand that those 3 little words are so very powerful...they've driven people to madness. I've truly been in love once...and I felt like I was the only woman in the world to him. The sun rose on me...and I hung the moon. He used to leave me little notes that said "SHMILY"...just a little scrap of paper with 6 letters on it...he'd tuck them in everyday places so I'd find them throughout the day...SHMILY stands for "See How Much I Love You"...and those little pieces of paper meant more than anything I've ever recieved...

That's great that you do "nice" things but what are you like when you are not doing "nice" things? Do you drink with your buddies all the time and leave her at home? Do you make and then break plans? Do you obsess over her all the time? Are you clingy, are you needy, are you a once a week kind of guy.... a better person to ask "what's wrong with me" question to is someone you have dated, THEY WILL TELL YOU.

Giving gifts is not what drives a woman away, what you are doing when NOT giving gifts is the key to what you are looking at.

Well you say that you have a hard time articulating your feelings with words correct? I wouldn't beat yourself up over that because men very often are not verbal creatures. Not in the same way that women are at least.

I cant say you are doing anything wrong. You sound like a financially generous person but I am sensing that you are somewhat short tempered. You expect sudden results and when you dont achieve this, you can become upset and frustrated.

Relationships dont work that way. You are also quite young and maybe you have not found the right woman yet. You have to keep in mind that in order for a woman to feel comfortable enough to open up to you and want to put the effort in, you do need to at least be capable of letting her know how you are feeling. It does not have to be an interrogation but just try to express yourself and allow her to do the same.

This might help a lot in your next relationship.

nicely stated Lily!

I try to give kindness and respect I think thats a good start!!!

just pick up yer bass and sing a little Tom Sawyer

thanks for the advice everyone. I'd like to say that I do try my best to verbaly express my feelings, it never seems to come out right though. Like from my mind to my mouth something is lost that makes what I say less meaningful.

In between the dates and gifts, I try to make mutualy agreeable plans, or just carry on casual conversations. I do freely tell the woman I'm with that I love her, and I try not to be too clingy or needy.

The gifts and spending money are not the only thing I do, and I dont do them all the time, I do those things on special occasions, so that it feels like a special moment. Or at least I try to.

Again, I appreciate the responses. I know I'm not perfect and that I've got to work on myself.