I will be sending my videos of the event to Jack A$$

Jewish kid asked his dad if he could borrow a fiver?

'You wanna borrow 3 quid? What do you wanna borrow 2.50 for?!'

What did the Jewish pedo say?

"Go easy on the sweets, kid"

Man to Jewish kid - Will you come in my car for a fiver?

'for a fiver, i'll come in your mouth!'

That's so wrong

For the record I have nothing against Jews, just Jewish pedos

I have nothing against them either.

I am even saving up to be one!

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again
asked readers to take any word from the dictionary,
alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one
letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year's winners:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund,
which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid
people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The
bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of
breaking down in the near future. (though this is good too)

4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for
the purpose of getting laid.

5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which
renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic
wit and the person who doesn't get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. (this also rocks)

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending
off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like,
the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting
through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to
seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance
performed just after you've accidentally walked
through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito,
that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning
and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding
half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature: (This one, too, was
our very favorite. As have others in life, seems that
we've encountered an inordinate amount of these "types"!!) :~)

18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

lol! I am definately a number 18!

You misread the press packet. It says "erratic dance." Trust me, they're right on the money with that one.

Zat another one of those new mensa words!! LOL!

I just checked, it actually says erratic dunce!

I can do that too, if you have a big hammer and a bottle of aspirin.

I have a big hummer and a bottle of Gaspirin, which under the MENSA defination is a pill that gets rid of your headache but gives you the sh1ts.

Two guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life. When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand. After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a blood-curdling scream. He rushes back to Jerry and yells, "I thought I told you to be quiet!" Jerry says, "Hey, I tried. I really did. When those snakes crawled over me, I didn't make a sound. When that bear was breathing down my neck, I didn't make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled up my pants leg and said, 'Should we take them with us or eat them here?' I couldn't keep quiet any more!"

Witty comments like this are always made funnier when the half-wit doesn't spell the words correctly!

Those pesky talking chipmunks!

Prince Philip goes hunting Pheasants. While stalking through the woods he sees a woman lying on her back totally naked.
"Are you game?" he asks,
"I sure am, honey." she replies,
and he shoots her.

A pedophile was walking a young boy through the woods late at night.

'Im scared' said the boy

'How the F do you think i feel?! I have to walk back on my own!'