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| Topic: Dans Comedy Club | |
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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. " My dog is cross eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well, " said the vet "lets take a look at him". So he picks up the dog examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What, because he's cross eyed??" "No, because he's really heavy."
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Everyone to the left is a wanker, everybody to the right is a bastard. To the left To the left To the left To the left Mmmm to the left, to the left Everything you own in the box to the left In the closet, that's my stuff Yes, if I bought it, baby, please don't touch (don't touch) And keep talking that mess, thats fine Could you walk and talk, at the same time? And it's my name thats on that jag So go move your bags, let me call you a cab Standing in the front yard, telling me How I'm such a fool, talking 'bout How I'll never ever find a man like you You got me twisted You must not know 'bout me You must not know 'bout me I could have another you in a minute Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby) You must not know 'bout me You must not know 'bout me I can have another you by tomorrow So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin' You're irreplaceable So go ahead and get gone Call up that chick, and see if shes home Oops I bet you thought, that I didn't know What did you think I was putting you out for? Because you was untrue Rolling her around in the car that I bought you Baby, drop them keys Hurry up, before your taxi leaves Standing in the front yard, telling me How I'm such a fool, talking 'bout How I'll never ever find a man like you You got me twisted You must not know 'bout me You must not know 'bout me I could have another you in a minute Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby) You must not know 'bout me You must not know 'bout me I can have another you by tomorrow So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin' You're irreplaceable (irreplaceable) So since I'm not your everything (irreplaceable) How about I'll be nothing (nothing)? Nothing at all to you (nothing, nothing) Baby I won't shed a tear for you (I won't shed a tear for you) I won't lose a wink of sleep (a wink of sleep) 'Cause the truth of the matter is (truth is) Replacing you is so easy To the left, to the left. To the left, to the left. Mmmmm To the left, to the left. Everything you own in the box to the left To the left, to the left. Don't you ever for a second get to thinking You're irreplaceable You must not know 'bout me You must not know 'bout me I can have another you in a minute Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby) You must not know 'bout me You must not know 'bout me I can have another you by tomorrow So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin' You must not know 'bout me (baby) You must not know 'bout me I could have another you in a minute Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute You can pack all your bags we're finished (you must not know 'bout me) 'Cause you made your bed now lay in it (you must not know 'bout me) I could have another you by tomorrow Don't you ever for a second get to thinkin' You're irreplaceable  Sorry .. thought you said "to the left" .... I SAID 'will all cougars queue to the left!' My doctor said i should exercise with dumbells...Wanna go for a walk? Only if I can lose YOU on the way .. 
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Edited by
Dan99
on
Thu 11/06/08 01:15 PM
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<<<just here for the show, taking my seat in the back row Are you ok up there? DO you like it up the back? The air is thinner and I'm sure someone will watch my back! Ok, so Cathy does like it up the back. I thought so |
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Edited by
Dan99
on
Thu 11/06/08 01:18 PM
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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. " My dog is cross eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well, " said the vet "lets take a look at him". So he picks up the dog examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What, because he's cross eyed??" "No, because he's really heavy." A three legged dog walked into a wild west saloon and said 'im looking for the man that shot my paw' |
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Everyone to the left is a wanker, everybody to the right is a bastard. To the left To the left To the left To the left Mmmm to the left, to the left Everything you own in the box to the left In the closet, that's my stuff Yes, if I bought it, baby, please don't touch (don't touch) And keep talking that mess, thats fine Could you walk and talk, at the same time? And it's my name thats on that jag So go move your bags, let me call you a cab Standing in the front yard, telling me How I'm such a fool, talking 'bout How I'll never ever find a man like you You got me twisted You must not know 'bout me You must not know 'bout me I could have another you in a minute Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby) You must not know 'bout me You must not know 'bout me I can have another you by tomorrow So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin' You're irreplaceable So go ahead and get gone Call up that chick, and see if shes home Oops I bet you thought, that I didn't know What did you think I was putting you out for? Because you was untrue Rolling her around in the car that I bought you Baby, drop them keys Hurry up, before your taxi leaves Standing in the front yard, telling me How I'm such a fool, talking 'bout How I'll never ever find a man like you You got me twisted You must not know 'bout me You must not know 'bout me I could have another you in a minute Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby) You must not know 'bout me You must not know 'bout me I can have another you by tomorrow So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin' You're irreplaceable (irreplaceable) So since I'm not your everything (irreplaceable) How about I'll be nothing (nothing)? Nothing at all to you (nothing, nothing) Baby I won't shed a tear for you (I won't shed a tear for you) I won't lose a wink of sleep (a wink of sleep) 'Cause the truth of the matter is (truth is) Replacing you is so easy To the left, to the left. To the left, to the left. Mmmmm To the left, to the left. Everything you own in the box to the left To the left, to the left. Don't you ever for a second get to thinking You're irreplaceable You must not know 'bout me You must not know 'bout me I can have another you in a minute Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby) You must not know 'bout me You must not know 'bout me I can have another you by tomorrow So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin' You must not know 'bout me (baby) You must not know 'bout me I could have another you in a minute Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute You can pack all your bags we're finished (you must not know 'bout me) 'Cause you made your bed now lay in it (you must not know 'bout me) I could have another you by tomorrow Don't you ever for a second get to thinkin' You're irreplaceable Sorry .. thought you said "to the left" .... I SAID 'will all cougars queue to the left!' My doctor said i should exercise with dumbells...Wanna go for a walk? Only if I can lose YOU on the way .. Well you lost your marbles, you could probably lose me as well |
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 So when is the comedy gonna start .. all I see is a lot of booooorrrrrrrrrrrred people
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So when is the comedy gonna start .. all I see is a lot of booooorrrrrrrrrrrred people You keep watching your own threads to much! |
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sits down and shuts up  You shouldnt have sat at the front there. One of the comics might pick on you... they dont know who i am i have my glasses on sir
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sits down and shuts up You shouldnt have sat at the front there. One of the comics might pick on you... they dont know who i am i have my glasses on sir They make you look kinda posh. I bet you are the type of person to get out of the bath to pee! Personally i just pee in a sponge and squeeze it in the sink. |
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sits down and shuts up You shouldnt have sat at the front there. One of the comics might pick on you... they dont know who i am i have my glasses on sir They make you look kinda posh. I bet you are the type of person to get out of the bath to pee! Personally i just pee in a sponge and squeeze it in the sink.  i have to go pee.. now:) |
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(while she is away, i think we should all hide)
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If you need a musical act for the club, all I charge is a fiver plus free drinks for the night
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(while she is away, i think we should all hide) WHERE DID EVERYBODY GO?  (it wasnt me that farted)-promise- 
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If you need a musical act for the club, all I charge is a fiver plus free drinks for the night As part of our licencing agreement we must employ some of the local Care In The Community candidates, so you are in! |
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As part of our licencing agreement we must employ some of the local Care In The Community candidates, so you are in! Ahh, so that's how you got this job, eh? |
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As part of our licencing agreement we must employ some of the local Care In The Community candidates, so you are in! Ahh, so that's how you got this job, eh? Well its not a job as such, but more the Community Service the judge told me i have to serve! |
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As part of our licencing agreement we must employ some of the local Care In The Community candidates, so you are in! Ahh, so that's how you got this job, eh? Well its not a job as such, but more the Community Service the judge told me i have to serve! Shoots ! You got caught too?   
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As part of our licencing agreement we must employ some of the local Care In The Community candidates, so you are in! Ahh, so that's how you got this job, eh? Well its not a job as such, but more the Community Service the judge told me i have to serve! Shoots ! You got caught too? It was only a minor offence (though no minors were involved!) |
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As part of our licencing agreement we must employ some of the local Care In The Community candidates, so you are in! Ahh, so that's how you got this job, eh? Well its not a job as such, but more the Community Service the judge told me i have to serve! Shoots ! You got caught too? It was only a minor offence (though no minors were involved!) No midgets were harmed during the midget throwing competition at the ten pin arena! I swear! The judge did not see my side of it when I told him they signed an agreemnet with me |
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When i hosted that event we just ate the midgets after to get rid of the evidence..
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