I stayed because his parents were very powerful and would have tried to take my infant son. When we adopted our disabled child they didn't want to take him too so they stayed out of it when I divorced him.

My ex threatened to kill me if I left and had pulled rifles on me twice and knives. He also had done prison time for 2nd degree assault (knifed a guy in a fight) and his favorite saying was "I did it before and I can do it again" when he was threatening me. I was scared to leave him, knew he was capable and was terrified at the thought of him raising our daughter. I finally had to get to the point that I guess I just didn't care anymore and packed him up and was surprised as heck that he left without hurting me. For years though, I would wake up from a dead sleep if I heard a car door slam in the middle of the night, hard to break old habits I guess. Fear is a hard thing to get over.

Hey that happened to meeee once!

Agreed...but I think most of the posts are legitimate reasons...lump them all together and you have a good idea of the usual reasons. I'm sure there are others too.

For me, it was lack of self-esteem. I didn't think I could do any better, so I stayed. But when I finally decided to end it, it wasn't because I knew I was doing the right thing, it was because I figured, where ever I ended up after my divorce, couldn't be any worse, and if it was, oh well. But even after that it still took me a long time to realize that I was worth a lot more and that I deserved better. And now that I know better, I do better.

I think it's all due to not loving themselves enough first...

knowing you deserve love means you have to love yourself first -- and many women and men just do not.

It's sad -- but always possible to get out of a situation like that...takes courage and strength - but anyone can do it.

PERFECT TINA.....just perfect

maybe its the size of his penis..??

I just have to say... I've known just as many men who were treated horribly by their gfs/wives: public humiliation, mental and emotional abuse, manipulation, monetary motives, physical abuse, etc. Female, male, it doesn't matter - mean people suck.

What I don't get is when the abused defends the abuser. I personally have taken a 'friend' to the ER three times with broken limbs, and each time was told, "it was an accident, he/she just had too much to drink and didn't mean to do this...", "i shouldn't have pushed his/her buttons, this isn't their fault...", and my personal favorite, "we were trying something new, sexually, and it got out of hand..."

Some people just have a twisted need to be abused. Sad, but true.

Because they are broken.....

There's no shame in it, it just is... They need to be fixed, and ONLY they can fix themselves.

I have a theory for many that I've seen fall in love with one guy and end up with something different years later...they think the man they met is still in there somewhere and still love HIM.

I'm so sorry for your loss, but he's not coming back.

Fear of the unknown...
Even though they *know* it's wrong...
They're afraid of starting over..

Staying with and abusive spouse because you have no where to go, family/friends will cover for them or straight out lie, the police will look the other way,you will leave your helpless child with someone who will take custody if only for spite, and you have little or no support or chance for legitimate employment to sustain yourself if you do leave, much less affordable shelter you stay and endure what you have to because the so called nice guys blame you for not having a crystal ball to forsee the future. They will still do business with, socialize, worship with, and even fix them up with other women and shun the woman who wears the battle scars as too ugly or too dumb, or too lazy to fix not themselves but the criminals that abuse them and the broken societies that let them flourish.

What also complicates the problem is there are women who will sell out other women to marry off an abusive child or will actually believe that they are somehow superior and would one never find themselves in such a situation OR that somehow the woman deserved the abuse until they are so far into the pit that they too are being abused. My abusive Ex has had a series of women before and after me that he has consistently exploited and abused. His family has lied about his behavior all his life.

There is NO support system out there for girls like this!!! None, specially in lil towns. There is nowhere to go.
Ok so im not done...
Lets say there's children involved...the girl has no formal education past highschool...ok
Hasnt worked in years because he's either jealous or has decided to stay home with the kids....has little or no chance of getting hired..has a hard time making it on her own...it's tough..

their self esteem was tarnished way before you ever came into the picture...unfortunately being treated badly is a familiar feeling to them and they are looking for that feeling again...although I believe subconsciously...because it may be all they really know...

Here's where i see the problem with that,
If you try to build a woman up and tell her that she is beautiful, smart, warm, loving, Etc, mostly she assumes you just want to diddle her.

It's enough to piss me off when i see my friends being treated badly, and the brain that they have been trying to get through life with has been fried by some inconsiderate, jealous, childish imbecile.

Yes, you can tell a woman that she is smart and beautiful, etc. If she doesn't feel it inside of herself, she doesn't believe what you are saying. She can't.

All of your efforts do not go unnoticed, but it's just as Lily said, you can't fix them, they have to fix themselves. You can help and support them through their endeavors to recover from what they've been through, but that's about all you can do.