I know that God is not pleased with him. And thank you for the affirmation. But that's the biggest struggle that I am dealing with. I feel like I have ever right to hate him, but at the same time, how can I have a relationship with God, when I have hatred in my heart. It's not supposed to be that way.

I am sorry to hear that. It is confusing to love him because he is your dad and hate what he has done. Can you separte the two? I don't know. You can't change him, or the past. You do have control over yourself and how you handle it now. YES YOU DO. Because you were so young, you were made to feel powerless, but you have endless amounts of power within you...just rely on it. You are the only one blocking your relationship to God. Just talk to Him...tell him how you truly feel (he knows anyway). And who among us IS worthy?

I can tell you this, you have moved up from the feeling of helplessness powerlessness to anger and hatred. Hatred and anger is a step up towards your recovery compared to where you have been.

You can accept that you hate him. Accept that he is a dysfunctional and sick person. Accept that you can't change him, fix him or change the past. But you can change and you can heal.

Anger and hatred give you power compared to the feeling of helplessness and powerlessness you grew up with. You are moving up the ladder to better feelings. You are gaining power. Keep climbing that ladder and to self empowerment and know that you can move up to better feelings and more control over your life.

JB

No, all religions don't teach that it's wrong to hate. Although most of them do teach that it would be wrong to actually do something bad based on those feelings.

I wasn't thinking of any particular religion. I think that should be your choice. Of what works for you.

I personally like the pantheistic religoins like Buddhism, also some of the natural religions of the North American Indians who worshiped the great spirit they've named "Wanka Tanka". Most recently I've found Wicca to be a far more loving religion than I had previously thought.

I might add that I view all of these pantheistic religions as worshiping the very same creator of life.

So to me, it isn't about worshiping different 'gods' but rather it's just a different vision of a relationship with God.

If you were raised to beleive that Christianity is the only true vision of God then these other visions of our creator may not be an option for you.

But that's what I'm trying to say.

Maybe it's not the hatred you feel for you father that is perventing you from having a relationship with God, but instead it's the feelings of guilt associated with that hate that is the blocking from having a relationship with God.

This is why I suggested a vision of God that accepts that hate and doesn't judge you poorly for feeling it.

Okay, so if I am interpreting everyone right, basically what you are saying is that it is alright for me to have these feelings of hatred for my father, and that I can approach God even though I have these feelings and He will still hear my prayers, and He will help me to overcome this hatred that is consuming my life, and that I can rebuild my relationship back with God and that it is okay to go to Him, even though I harbor these feelings?

I think you might be right.

I see no reason why you couldn't do that even within Christianity. There nothing that says that you have to be perfect to go to God.

On the contrary if that were the case then no one could ever go to God in that religion.

I know exactly what you mean Eunice. And you don't know how many times I have wished for him to die, and how many times I have thought about how happy I will be when that day comes.

I guess I have put so much focus on trying to get rid of the hate, instead of realizing that it is okay to have these feelings, and that I am justified for having these feelings. Maybe since you guys have helped me to realize that, I can finally move ahead, and finally be able to build that relationship with God that I have been wanting and really needing in my life.

I can't thank all of you enough, for all of the insight that you have given me tonight. For the first time in a long time, I am seeing things alot clearer. I feel like a weight is slowly being lifted off of my shoulders and I can finally start to breathe again. I know I still have a long journey ahead, but I hope by rebuilding my relationship with God, I can get through this with His help. Thank you all again. You truly are wonderful people here.

having intense feelings of anger or hatred even do
not have to keep you from approaching God, in fact,
the recognition of our vulnerability and helplessness
in contrast to eternal goodness can be helpful in
healing these feelings. so absolutely - seek out a
spiritually healing home compatible with your beliefs
and with the help of counseling of your friends and
spiritual advisors.

but it is not good for you to harbor feelings of
extreme anger and hatred indefinitely. it is the sign
of deep wounds that need to be healed - the sooner
the better...

Let go....

An old story I absolutely love, and practise often is this....


Two young initiates of the buddhist faith were sent from one monastry to another which was many days walk across wild terrain....

Both were enthusiastic about their faith, and were devout in their discipline....they walk amiably together for many days, enjoying the vista and the peacefulness of the countryside they passed through.

One day they came to the banks of a wide and mighty river, which was flowing with the thaws of winter snow.

An elderly lady was stood by the bank in great despair and anxiety...

One of the young monks asked her, " Mother, why are you so upset?"

She replied, " My daughter lives in the village on the other side of this river, and is ill, with five small children to care for, and her husband is away over the mountains, I must cross this river to care for her and her family, but I am old and weak, and this river, although not deep is too strong for me to cross."

With that, the young monk said, " Climb on my back, mother, and I shall carry you across."

Safely transporting the old woman to the other side of the river, he joined his young monk friend and went to continue his journey.

The other young monk was aghast, complete horror on his face, shaking his head and muttering to himself , they continued on.

For many days the unhappy monk muttered and frowned as they continued their journey..

Eventually the young monk said to his companion, 'What is troubling you so, brother? What is it that vexes you so?"

The other monk replied, " I believed you took your vows seriously, and we as monks of this faith, MUST not touch women!"

His young friend, shook his head in sadness, smiled, and replied, " I put that old woman down on the other side of the river many days ago. Why are you still carrying her?"





Let go.

That is a great story Jess!


_______________________

My take on this thread: If there is a god, and he would ignore you because you hate someone who hurt you when that very same god condemns the actions that person took that hurt you . . . well then IMHO a god like that isn't worth worship.

Also, I may not be religious but I have read the bible a few times, and don't remember the part that says you will be excommunicated due to hate of evil.

Hatred and anger are actually very ancient emotions. They are essential aspects of our very being in fact. If you did not experience hate and anger at various moments in your life, then you would most assuredly not be of human origin. So I would ask you to first understand this and realize that you do not need to feel guilty for experiencing these feelings..

Where the problem lies is how these emotions will manifest themselves and effect your overall well being in the long term. They are not meant to be carried around with you on a daily basis for an indefinite period of time. This is what it sounds like you are doing. Anger is certainly a miserable place to reside.

I dont want to give you unrealistic advice and you do need to understand that this is not something that is easy to overcome and it wont happen overnight. Partly because you have been living in a place of anger and fear for such a long period of time. You body is probably now very accustomed to being in this state and it will in fact react negatively to your abandonment of these emotions! I know that sounds strange but it is based in our physiology as humans. As soon as you begin your attempts at release, your body most assuredly will react in a "flight or fight" mode. This is to be expected and it is normal. Your central nervous system has been working on overdrive for several years now.

No one wants to live in constant pain and suffering but this is what you are doing to yourself in your current state. I commend your voicing of the problem and that is the first step. It does not matter that it is online or amongst people that do not know you directly, ALL of us have been where you are at one point or another. You have taken the very first and most important step in actually addressing the issue and in doing so, you have initiated the process of labeling and defining it. It will begin to lose its significance in your life. But please remember that these emotions will return. Over and over again. They are part of you, like your ear or your nose. It is how you handle them that will differ.

Jess I like that story also! Thanks for sharing!

Yes, an excellent story Jess.

You know, I was casually reading this story, wondering what the outcome would be, and I gotta tell ya. When I got to the end, I felt like someone just slapped me across the face like telling me to snap out of it! Thank you so much for that story Jess. It was great!

Since I've wrote this post, a lot of things have happened. I was able to talk with someone personally about this, and they have helped me to take the necessary steps needed to be able to come to God. I have to admit, I was very nervous, and scared, because I didn't know what the outcome was going to be, but I am so glad I did it. And I can't explain how or why this has happened, but when I woke up the next morning, I couldn't feel the hate. I don't know where it went, or how it is gone, but it is. The weird part about it, is I feel like a part of me is missing and I feel lost with out it and sort of empty. But at the same time, I'm not sad about it, because I know that this is a good thing. And I also know that, that this part of me is being replaced with something so much better.

Again, I thank each and every one of you for all of your kind words and for sharing your opinions and words of wisdom with me.

Miss Carmen, lovely, I am glad this story I shared gave you something.... whatever it may be, or may be in the future...(it had that same kind of affect on me when I first heard it too)...

This emptiness you speak of....

Imagine having a desk so cluttered at work, it is almost impossible to see any order at all... no matter what you do to clear it, always, always always, there is clutter..

Now give the task of clearing the clutter to someone else... (only in that they can help you organise it)...and before you know it you can see a corner, another corner! half the desk!! my goodness, how strange is that? A sense of something's missing takes over.... what to do with this empty space on my desk now? Goodness!! How will I ever fill it????


Take the space within you, and embrace it.... for where hate is cleared..... love will flow...(Love for self, love for life, for the importance of your loves)...


I am so very pleased to hear of this emptiness and also the missing...(shows how long you have carried it, and how heavy the burden) did you know that if you banged your head against a brick wall continuously for days on end, you would miss that too... (it's that funny what you get used to thing)...PLEASE, PLEASE be gentle with yourself, move past VICTIM, and onto SURVIVOR.

I want to tell you i lived with alot of hate in my heart, I was an athiest. And my heart was so cold. Alot had happen to me.
And one day I was watching the 700 club and they
started talking about Jesus, I had no idea who this man was. We had a very long talk me and the 7oo club. This was done by phone. I had to seek
Help. My heart was just so hard toward alot of people that hurt me that went back to my childhood.Their was some people I felt i had no reason to forgive them, since i was just a child and they were adults. But that,s why christ died for us,I got a piece of paper wrote down every name from the time i was a child into adult hood.
I remember telling God that i couldn,t forgive but through him I could. So went to my list it even had the people that I hurt on it and wrote them a letter and asked them for forgiveness. It took alot of time in my prayer closet and i cried so much as he took a scrub brush and cleanse me inside. I said to the father i want to be able to feel again no matter how much it hurt.
And now alot more thing I have gone through and i,m trusting the Lord to help me through this.
I was almost 30 when i got saved. And now I,m 53.
And I love the Lord with all my heart , soul . and mind. I wanted to share this with you because
I understand how you feel.
May god guide you and the Holy spirite
Talk to you and guide you in the right
direction.
Journey 53
Set free by the blood Of Jesus