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Topic: Why do people make a commitment...
Engraven_Image Joined Fri 01/25/08 Posts: 7798	Sun 10/19/08 06:05 PM
...and decide not to stand by it? Especially, when it comes to marriage or engagement??? I recently got engaged, with a woman first proposing to me, but she finds it hard to show love for me. Now, it feels as if it's going down hill because she won't even talk. All I've done was my best to make her happy and see that we can be together as soon as possible like she said she wanted. But, now it seems she isn't wanting to stand by her commitment.

shoesmonkey Joined Sat 01/19/08 Posts: 7088	Sun 10/19/08 06:10 PM
I'm sorry for on this one. If she is so unsure, count your blessing's that a marriage between the two of you won't have been a mistake.

laughsandgiggles Joined Sun 10/28/07 Posts: 3560	Sun 10/19/08 06:12 PM
...and decide not to stand by it? Especially, when it comes to marriage or engagement??? I recently got engaged, with a woman first proposing to me, but she finds it hard to show love for me. Now, it feels as if it's going down hill because she won't even talk. All I've done was my best to make her happy and see that we can be together as soon as possible like she said she wanted. But, now it seems she isn't wanting to stand by her commitment. Maybe she has changed her mind- maybe she is scared. There are lots of things that could be going on- stress might be one- maybe she has commitment or intimacy issues- You aren't going to know unless you two sit down and talk- you have to communicate. It might be something simple like the jitters but just talk to her- you both will feel better- Hope everything works out the way you want it to

symbelmyne Joined Mon 01/14/08 Posts: 5356	Sun 10/19/08 06:13 PM
...and decide not to stand by it? Especially, when it comes to marriage or engagement??? I recently got engaged, with a woman first proposing to me, but she finds it hard to show love for me. Now, it feels as if it's going down hill because she won't even talk. All I've done was my best to make her happy and see that we can be together as soon as possible like she said she wanted. But, now it seems she isn't wanting to stand by her commitment. I feel for you, lately I have found myself asking that same question....

Moondark Joined Tue 11/27/07 Posts: 5866	Sun 10/19/08 06:14 PM Edited by Moondark on Sun 10/19/08 06:16 PM
I was seeing someone and we were both getting out of the Navy at the same time. He proposed to me. Just after he got back to Chicago and I got home. Then he stopped calling or taking my calls. I'm guessing that shortly after popping the question, he decided maybe he was jumping the gun. I'm assuming that he meet someone shortly after that and didn't have the courage to actually say so. Some people just don't have balls to say they may have made a mistake or that they have decided they really don't feel that way after all.

Engraven_Image Joined Fri 01/25/08 Posts: 7798	Sun 10/19/08 06:15 PM
...and decide not to stand by it? Especially, when it comes to marriage or engagement??? I recently got engaged, with a woman first proposing to me, but she finds it hard to show love for me. Now, it feels as if it's going down hill because she won't even talk. All I've done was my best to make her happy and see that we can be together as soon as possible like she said she wanted. But, now it seems she isn't wanting to stand by her commitment. Maybe she has changed her mind- maybe she is scared. There are lots of things that could be going on- stress might be one- maybe she has commitment or intimacy issues- You aren't going to know unless you two sit down and talk- you have to communicate. It might be something simple like the jitters but just talk to her- you both will feel better- Hope everything works out the way you want it to I try talking with her, but she never tries talking it out. That's my luck and I sit worried about how she feels.

brenlee1965 Joined Sat 06/28/08 Posts: 529	Sun 10/19/08 06:15 PM
Sounds like there's a BIG problem here and that's communication breakdown. If you ever expect to get things back on track; you had better learn how to communicate with each other.

Goofball73 Joined Mon 11/05/07 Posts: 33913	Sun 10/19/08 06:15 PM
...and decide not to stand by it? Especially, when it comes to marriage or engagement??? I recently got engaged, with a woman first proposing to me, but she finds it hard to show love for me. Now, it feels as if it's going down hill because she won't even talk. All I've done was my best to make her happy and see that we can be together as soon as possible like she said she wanted. But, now it seems she isn't wanting to stand by her commitment. Funny....I thought only guys did this.

ABS929cbrrr Joined Fri 10/10/08 Posts: 44	Sun 10/19/08 06:16 PM
if things are not going smoothly somthing is wrong. best to get to the bottom of it before you take a big step and then need a big laywer to get out of it. i think alot of people think they know what they want but when they get it they dont know what to do with it.

laughsandgiggles Joined Sun 10/28/07 Posts: 3560	Sun 10/19/08 06:18 PM
...and decide not to stand by it? Especially, when it comes to marriage or engagement??? I recently got engaged, with a woman first proposing to me, but she finds it hard to show love for me. Now, it feels as if it's going down hill because she won't even talk. All I've done was my best to make her happy and see that we can be together as soon as possible like she said she wanted. But, now it seems she isn't wanting to stand by her commitment. Maybe she has changed her mind- maybe she is scared. There are lots of things that could be going on- stress might be one- maybe she has commitment or intimacy issues- You aren't going to know unless you two sit down and talk- you have to communicate. It might be something simple like the jitters but just talk to her- you both will feel better- Hope everything works out the way you want it to I try talking with her, but she never tries talking it out. That's my luck and I sit worried about how she feels. If she does not want to try to talk about it- you have communication issues and that relationship is doomed- REALLY think about it- if she is not concerned about your feelings WHY do you want to marry her- stop worrying about her and move on with your life- sounds like a dead end relationship to me- and don't you deserve more?

Engraven_Image Joined Fri 01/25/08 Posts: 7798	Sun 10/19/08 06:18 PM
if things are not going smoothly somthing is wrong. best to get to the bottom of it before you take a big step and then need a big laywer to get out of it. i think alot of people think they know what they want but when they get it they dont know what to do with it. Very good point!!! I agree! And then, they make a mistake and lose someone they wish they still had.

brenlee1965 Joined Sat 06/28/08 Posts: 529	Sun 10/19/08 06:19 PM
...and decide not to stand by it? Especially, when it comes to marriage or engagement??? I recently got engaged, with a woman first proposing to me, but she finds it hard to show love for me. Now, it feels as if it's going down hill because she won't even talk. All I've done was my best to make her happy and see that we can be together as soon as possible like she said she wanted. But, now it seems she isn't wanting to stand by her commitment. Maybe she has changed her mind- maybe she is scared. There are lots of things that could be going on- stress might be one- maybe she has commitment or intimacy issues- You aren't going to know unless you two sit down and talk- you have to communicate. It might be something simple like the jitters but just talk to her- you both will feel better- Hope everything works out the way you want it to I try talking with her, but she never tries talking it out. That's my luck and I sit worried about how she feels. Maybe she doesn't know how to begin. Maybe she wasn't ever taught how to communicate. Maybe she came from a family who never talked....Just begin by opening up and just tell her how YOU feel and what's going on with you over this issue....maybe she feels the same way and just doesn't know how to express herself. Tell her your concerns. Make it about you and not her and then maybe she will open up too you. Good Luck.

Engraven_Image Joined Fri 01/25/08 Posts: 7798	Sun 10/19/08 06:19 PM
...and decide not to stand by it? Especially, when it comes to marriage or engagement??? I recently got engaged, with a woman first proposing to me, but she finds it hard to show love for me. Now, it feels as if it's going down hill because she won't even talk. All I've done was my best to make her happy and see that we can be together as soon as possible like she said she wanted. But, now it seems she isn't wanting to stand by her commitment. Maybe she has changed her mind- maybe she is scared. There are lots of things that could be going on- stress might be one- maybe she has commitment or intimacy issues- You aren't going to know unless you two sit down and talk- you have to communicate. It might be something simple like the jitters but just talk to her- you both will feel better- Hope everything works out the way you want it to I try talking with her, but she never tries talking it out. That's my luck and I sit worried about how she feels. If she does not want to try to talk about it- you have communication issues and that relationship is doomed- REALLY think about it- if she is not concerned about your feelings WHY do you want to marry her- stop worrying about her and move on with your life- sounds like a dead end relationship to me- and don't you deserve more? I agree, but I love her and don't want to hurt or let her down.

Nova86 Joined Sun 06/29/08 Posts: 4547	Sun 10/19/08 06:21 PM
...and decide not to stand by it? Especially, when it comes to marriage or engagement??? I recently got engaged, with a woman first proposing to me, but she finds it hard to show love for me. Now, it feels as if it's going down hill because she won't even talk. All I've done was my best to make her happy and see that we can be together as soon as possible like she said she wanted. But, now it seems she isn't wanting to stand by her commitment. i know what you are saying and i totally feel for you man.....it appears that some people do not take these commitments seriously.....good luck to you man, i hope that it works out for you

Lily0923 Joined Sun 12/02/07 Posts: 20429	Sun 10/19/08 06:24 PM
From my experience, I've found that I don't honor my commitments when the other party has failed at theirs first. Maybe look in the mirror and ask yourself what you did wrong????

laughsandgiggles Joined Sun 10/28/07 Posts: 3560	Sun 10/19/08 06:24 PM
...and decide not to stand by it? Especially, when it comes to marriage or engagement??? I recently got engaged, with a woman first proposing to me, but she finds it hard to show love for me. Now, it feels as if it's going down hill because she won't even talk. All I've done was my best to make her happy and see that we can be together as soon as possible like she said she wanted. But, now it seems she isn't wanting to stand by her commitment. Maybe she has changed her mind- maybe she is scared. There are lots of things that could be going on- stress might be one- maybe she has commitment or intimacy issues- You aren't going to know unless you two sit down and talk- you have to communicate. It might be something simple like the jitters but just talk to her- you both will feel better- Hope everything works out the way you want it to I try talking with her, but she never tries talking it out. That's my luck and I sit worried about how she feels. If she does not want to try to talk about it- you have communication issues and that relationship is doomed- REALLY think about it- if she is not concerned about your feelings WHY do you want to marry her- stop worrying about her and move on with your life- sounds like a dead end relationship to me- and don't you deserve more? I agree, but I love her and don't want to hurt or let her down. Ok you love her and you don't want to let her down-- are you listening to yourself- "I love her I don't want to let her down"- its all you- you are giving and giving and she is taking- kind of a one sided relationship don't you think? You need to make her talk about this- if it is really going to work it has to be a 100/100 relationship- You doing all the work and all the giving is going to drag you down and you are going to resent her and that is not worth the heartache- you two need to talk or even go to couples counselling. Think about what is best for YOU and don't forget about what this does to your kids.

Nova86 Joined Sun 06/29/08 Posts: 4547	Sun 10/19/08 06:26 PM
i was almost engaged to a woman when this happened to me....i am glad that i found out early and ended it.....but, you definitely need to talk to her and make sure that she is there for YOU and that she will be happy being with you not a good situation.....but maybe it is just cold feet or nothing at all

Lily0923 Joined Sun 12/02/07 Posts: 20429	Sun 10/19/08 06:27 PM
From my experience, I've found that I don't honor my commitments when the other party has failed at theirs first. Maybe look in the mirror and ask yourself what you did wrong????

Engraven_Image Joined Fri 01/25/08 Posts: 7798	Sun 10/19/08 06:28 PM
From my experience, I've found that I don't honor my commitments when the other party has failed at theirs first. Maybe look in the mirror and ask yourself what you did wrong???? I honored mine, that I know. Something just feels lost there in our relationship and that is communication. If I'm trying to communicate and she is not, maybe there is more to her side of fault.

Lily0923 Joined Sun 12/02/07 Posts: 20429	Sun 10/19/08 06:36 PM
From my experience, I've found that I don't honor my commitments when the other party has failed at theirs first. Maybe look in the mirror and ask yourself what you did wrong???? I honored mine, that I know. Something just feels lost there in our relationship and that is communication. If I'm trying to communicate and she is not, maybe there is more to her side of fault. There's fault to this? There is fault to how someone feels? There is fault placed to someone who doesn't want to live the rest of their lives with you and has the decency of telling you this BEFORE you get married? Hmmmm curious.