But I get your point lilith. I can't relate for as complicated as I am mechanically, I am simple in my needs both physically and romantically. I'm old fashioned and have no desire for self inflicted drama.

OH how very true you speak!!! But I didn't mean only sexually either. I was talking about the whole personality too.....it's a LOT easier to bring the bad boy out of the good one than it is to bring the good one out of the bad boy!!

Example....When I was in school, I wouldn't have DREAMED TP wrapping someone's house the night before homecoming!! But my girlfriend wanted to wrap her best friend cheerleader's house and she asked me to help!! I did!!

No, not drama at all. I just mean the qualities we think we should seek in a person and those in which we actually find we are attracted to sometimes are different.

But yes I'm an exotic. I'm the perfect antithesis. Bad boy. But I'm a rebel with a cause. I can be a good boy. I'm the most organized bad boy you ever seen. Its called maturing gracefully. And there are a lot of us out there. I can name names. But bad boys can keep secrets.

Hmm I own that book and the movie. I'd have to disagree with you. The 'professional' is an overgrown catholic choir boy with his own deep rooted issues and the book is pretty clear about that. Theresa is repulsed by him on a huge level because he's so needy and the same father who never approved of her adores him. Same with Tony. He's got huge family, particularly mother issues. So both those men are drawn to Theresa and she to them because while she has issues regarding her polio and father, she's still terribly nurturing. I do agree with you about the movie though. It was pretty bad. Although I think Tom Berenger did a GREAT job as the confused killer.

By the way Lilith, GREAT thread! It's nice to read and talk about something besides anal sex, who's cuter than who, or would you date or have sex with the stranger who's picture is above yours.

...oh I know too well- trust me. You have no idea how many times I've said "She has a lot of good qualities, too bad she's nuttier than a fruitcake". OR "Too bad my freinds and family hate her". OR "Too bad we have so little in common" OR "Too bad she's an alcoholic and drug addict". I understand that balance of needs.

Thanks.....

I guess what I am referring to here is the difference between the types, I'm not using the book itself (in exact characters) but how it is representational.

LHB, simplify it yet more. Think, wow she is fun but I just don't want to kiss her. Or wow, I can't kiss her enough but she is a bore to talk to. Or, well, I like having serious conversations but I think she might be too serious.

Oh yeah, I'd definitely agree with you there. Two f'd up but very distinct personalities. The Catholic School Boy and The Typical Bad boy. What I found particularly interesting was her one night stand choice in Berenger. I always thought her choice that night was to completely tear herself away from the two stereotypical men she had been involved with. She's probably one of the saddest and most confused book characters I've ever read about. And like so many of us females, always always picked someone who was never going to be good for her, but rather emotionally abusive.

...but I was in that wierd way attracted to their bad traits to begin with. Why? Its the old addage "Its like a bad car wreck- you don't want to look at the carnage, but you can't help yourself". I've outgrown this dating women who are carwrecks phase. I'm a runner now. I run away. Zero tolerance. No drama inducers. Understand now?

Yes, very sad and confused. But I think she lives in all of us, in a way. A part...

Ha, you rubbernecker...

Yes, I understand. But I'm not talking about drama.... no drama. Just regular qualities.

Definitely. Sadly, we all have a streak of Theresa in us. And in some, a bigger part than others. So many choose what's certainly going to be a man who is guaranteed to hurt over the one who's going to try to heal. Funny how we always tend to be drawn to the same type of man over and over.

The worst is when you fully understand it and know it. But, I consider myself pretty self aware so now I just have some prioritizing to do.

Not that I'm Theresa, I mean I'm not an idiot. But I relate to her... always have. I read this book in college and it always struck me. I've always had a copy of this book and I've read it several times over the years.

It goes deeper. I didn't fall into the drama mamma trap. I have no kids. Kept my pecker in my pants. Didn't rush into having kids right away with someone. In my experience in relationships I wanted to get to know someone over time and build a relationship. That's not what the women I dated wanted. They wanted instant coffee, instant cake, instant relationship. I've been accused of being anticommital.(after one month) I got cheated on (after two months). And I've been dumped (after 3 weeks) because women are in such a hurry for no reason whatsoever. I see many women as rebelettes without a cause or a clue. Thank GOD I'm not paying child support or alimony to these individuals. Thank GOD I found out their mixed intentions sooner than later after the fact.

LHB.... let all that go and think about it conceptually, not women you've dated. Think qualities....

That theresa is in all of us- men and women. True duality. Its in all of us. I dated a theresa. I was the good guy. She was my princess. Spent 16 grand for a wedding she talked me into and planned. Left me at the alter. Ran back to an abusive ex boyfreind that beat the sh!t out of her and continues to beat the sh!t out of her. And I'm happy for her. Why? Because she got what she really wants. A guy who beats the sh!t out of her. I just want her to be happy. Figure that one out.

Awwww. You know, I can't figure out sometimes if I should just laugh... or bytch slap you in the head. Either way.... let it go.

I've had 2 women leave me at the alter embarrassing me and my family. The jokes never end. Marriage is a f*ck you to me and my family understands why I will never get married. F*CKING NEVER!!! Waste of money beyond contempt. My freinds helped me carry the cake out to the parking lot. Drove over it with my car 2000 times until there was nothing left. I don't hate women. But I have serious trust issues and after what I've been through I'd hope you'd understand. If not you can gladly pay for those two runaway brides weddings. I will gladly send you the bills.

I do understand.... just do not let the experiences of the past prevent you from a happier future. That's all.