I am, for the first time in my life trying to look more at actions than words. So here goes, I will try to be as concise as possible. There are two things he does/doesn't do that annoy and trouble me.

1. References his ex-wives or other women he has known as a reason I may not be trustworthy,or in mentioning his sexual experience and I think as a distancing measure so I don't get to think I am all that to him.

2. Seldom calls, e-mails or text messages in between our weekly dates.

What he does do that I like.

1.When I do call seems very happy I did.

2.Smiles from ear to ear when we meet, kisses and hugs me immediately but not in a let's jump in the bed way.

3.If anything breaks, he fixes it. Or if I need help for other projects he it there.

4. He is Goofy and playful with me.

5. He tells me about his business and children and somethings asks for advice.

6.He is always affectionate, wants to hold my hand,kiss,have me near him when we are out. But not in a this is my woman way.

7. Is an unselfish lover.

There are more. No doubt you get a general idea.For those of you that know me, I sometimes have a hard time being subtle.
I want to be able to say to him, I am not your ex-wives and I am pretty sure that if I did the same to you, you wouldn't dig it. I don't want to hear about you past or perhaps present exploits with other women without sounding insecure. I would appreciate it if you initiated more contact in between the times we see each.

Does anyone have advice? I am anxious to hear from the men. If you think I am deluded or if you think I am just tripping on small stuff.

My 2 cents, but I don't see anything wrong with initiating this conversation. These are things that bother you, whether they are big or small issues is not really the point. Communication is key in any good relationship and if you want it to grow, this conversation could head it in that direction. If he's happy with things the way they are, at least you'll know and can decide if it's something you can/want to live with or not. Good luck

Thank you Suzin

Becareful though..anytime you tell "some" men that he's "not" doing something.. or something he "used" to do and no longer does... they take that wording as "I'm doing something wrong/you're blaming me for something"... instead of it's original intention, which is COMMUNICATION!

Suzin is right..communication IS key! Good luck to you.

Sometimes, this is true, people do get defensive if they feel they're being criticized and then they don't hear the message as it's intended. But, that doesn't mean you shouldn't have the conversation anyway. Hopefully, his ego and sense of self-worth are not so fragile that he can't accept a question about how certain things are going and an honest opinion of your feelings on things.

when something annoys me, i usually try to look at the reason why... so if i was with someone who was always talking about their ex's, i would wonder if i do that too, perhaps without thinking that i am doing it...

if not, and it seems one-sided, then i am getting closer to the reason why it annoys me... sounds like maybe a trust issue... do i trust her?

this might open a conversation along the lines of, i notice that you talk about your past relationships quite a bit, why do you think that is? (ducks)

but bottom line is as the ladies have already put so eloquently, no communication - no growth. i cannot change her perception of me, but i can try to understand where i fit in the scheme of things... what makes us different... special?

good luck!

Oh absolutely..she needs to talk to him about this.

Have you asked him what he is looking for. Is he looking for a relationship or someone to date? Men can be more free with affection and sometimes give the appearance that things are more commited than they are.

If the relationship aspect feels like it is lagging then it probably is.

I personaly wouldn't (and don't) have a problem with being asked the question "what are we doing?".

Thanks guys this is giving me just what I needed.

What are we doing later?

Holding hands and staring into each others eyes

You have two things that annoy you...and those two that you listed FAR outweight the seven or so reasons of what you like about him. Basically, if you don't speak up and address these, then things will only get worse.

As for the lack of communication between you two meeting, maybe he doesn't want to crowd you? Invade your space way too much? And if so, then it is also on him to talk to you. If he wants to talk more, he should ask you "Hey. Can I call you?". I know that when you like someone that calling them alot is "normal" to do, but he could be giving you space. This is why you need to ask him about it. Do you try and call or text him during these periods?

Ok..but you'll blink first!

I would sit back and observe for a while longer,before i say something i am going to regret later....sometimes people say these things to let you know how vunerable they are/were and dont want to go through again.

Smooth.

Yes, I do call, e-mail etc... and as I said he always seems to be happy I did.

On some levels I think we are coming from two different points of view. I Have been a widow for seven years and he has been divorced for only three. While I have had the experience of realizing that time can be short, he is going through getting over two failed marriage for a total of 27 years. A number that he repeats over and over.
Yes, we have had the discussion of what sort of relationship we are looking for. We both have agreed to take things slowly.

See, I get that you would need some time to heal, due to you being a widow. I feel that losing the one you love (in death) takes a long time to overcome. But, in some certain cases, their are few people who can get over that quicker than others.

Divorce hurts (been there, done that) but at the same time, he has to understand why those relationships didn't work out, learn from them, and move on. He can't compare you to his past love interests. He can say that you and this other woman had that in common, but leave it at that. I mean, saying something like that is bound to happen. Just don't keep bringing it up.

I firmly believe that we are all capable of doing things, including sabotaging a relationship... unawares.

Sit him down and tell him how his actions make you feel. His intent is irrelevant. I would make sure you mention that you do not perceive malintent on his end, but that the outcome is the same regardless.

If you have needs, you must tell him, and keep them focused on you, not him. Then the ball is in his court to step up and look at you for you and decide the next step.

Does that make sense?

Did you really say that "His intent is irrelevant"?!

you think too much...

trust your gut..if it acts like a duck, quacks like a duck dont expect a swan.