You are about to open a can of worms here dude.

Yes, it does. Thank you, I think I have been focused on not crowding him and letting him vent. I want to respect his needs for rediscovering life on his own terms I guess I need to trust that he will be willing to appreciate my fears of loss.

I'm not really that smart but isn't intent exactly what she wants to find out?

I took that to mean, though he may be trying to infer one thing, I am clearly troubled by it and need to address it for my peace of mind.

Well, you have to understand what Lilith is saying, and when you question her, you might not always like how blunt and honest she is.

But yeah, I believe Enderra nailed it.

I took it the same way, that although he may not be intentional trying to hurt, confuse, or whatever, the result is the same and the only way to clear it up is to find out what he's thinking and feeling.

I'm not scared I think Lilith has trounced me before, I look at it as a learning experience. My point is this...If she is troubled by something that "he may be trying to infer" why not ask him? Maybe I am just too simple to understand, I don't know. I'm kind of shallow sometimes and need things pointed out to me.

Ok. No offense. No disrespect intended. I know women do not want to hear about previous relationships or other women. I get it all the time. But you just can't expect the guy to erase 27 years of his life to appease someones feelings. He's healing and many of you women do not understand that. If in your relationship you CANNOT talk about everything and anything- the relationships over. You can agree to disagree. An open mind is a blessing. You can't change someone into what you want them to be and be selfish and have them as a pet on your terms. Its not fair to either person. One sided communication don't work.

Now that it is pretty much decided that I need to address this, Gentleman, what is the best approach? Wait until he repeats the offense or use the dreaded statement, "We need to talk!"

"We need to talk". Gets his attention...can we talk after the game please?

That's one "we need to talk", btw you've got a wonderful smile

Thanks I borrowed it from my Dad.

.. lovingly ...

If you're not sure what's going on and what to know, why not just be up front and ask about what you want to know? How else are you going to find out?

We men learn from trial and error. But trust me- we may be dumb- but we learn eventually. There's 3 doors. I walk up to the first one, open it, and a guy with a mallet hits me in the head and closes the door. I get up with a sore head and say WTF was that and stupidly go back to that same door and open it. Same guy hits me in the head with a mallet again! I get up and think for a minute and realize there's a guy with a mallet that's gonna hit me in the head again if I open that door. So I go to the next door and move on. I learned eventually. And I am never going to open that door with the guy with the mallet in it. Us guys learn from experience. And when you women get all analytical on men you force them to explain why we do things the way we do. And when we explain our actions due to experience you women don't understand it and you don't like it. So I tell you what- you're in a room with three doors. Pick one.

If it were me, I'd just say that we need to talk.

Sounds like the dude is trying to do everything right. Im sure hearing about the ex's can be annoying but I dont think the dude means to be that way. Sounds like he is basically a good guy. Nobody is perfect and if it aint broke dont fix it.

Yes, OP you understood me completely.

The point is here that you cannot assume that one has malintent nor accuse or lay blame when discussing things, which is why I said "his intent is irrelevant". This is NOT about intent, it is about how his actions make you FEEL.
It is not wise to pick, or nitpick, or try to make situations worse than they are.

I'd suggest against "we need to talk". That causes defensiveness in all of us. Bring it up casually. Just tell him, whenever it is a quiet time "X, I am not sure if you are aware of this, but bringing up your prior relationships causes me to feel as though you are grouping me along with them and have doubts or distrust in me.
I think that you most likely don't, but would love to focus on just you and me. I'm not them, and I know you probably have no idea you are in a way comparing us. I need for you not to talk about them for now. Can you do that for us, so that we can have one relationship?"

Asd well, I'd simply say you miss him and would like more contact from his side. Tell him how special that makes you feel. Leave it at that.

JMO

So wise...

I think I kinda understand this dude. I like to have my own time and space too. I dont think the dude is trying to cause you problems, I think he just wants a little personal space.