I'm in a tight with a long time friend.We've been friends 20 years and he worked under me 10 of those.He has always been there through the really tough times.A genuinely good person.Well,last year him and his wife took on two kids that weren't thiers. I respect and love them for that.They lived in the city in a neighborhood that wasn't the best place to raise kids.At the time my parents were going through some health issues that could possibly be life threatening.They are elderly and I needed to be there a great deal.Long story short, I decided to get an apartment real close to my folks and rent my house to my friend. The mortgage payment was lower than thier rent in the city so they could afford it. They intended to buy within the year.And then things changed.He lost his job several monthes ago and thier living on his wife's income only.At first they could pay the bills by juggling.I would bring groceries by,etc. I'm sure he would do the same.Then came the late payments, half payments, and finally, the I just don't have it.He has applied everywhere and if my business was not in its infancy he would have a job with me. But it has taken its toll on me. Paying for an apartment and a house and the business has dwindled my bank account and I'm living week by week again. Thier finances are so messed up now that there's no way they can buy the house. I can't sell it even if they weren't there because of the market here.And it's time to re-up the apartment.The obvious answer would be to move back in myself. But realize there is a woman and two kids there ,I can't put them on the street.And he may find a job tomorrow.But he may not.He has money coming from a retirement plan in Feb.But I'm worried now.Any thoughts?

Sorry to say, but the logical thing to do is look out for yourself and your family. You in good faith did something for a friend and if the friendship was as strong the other way they would have let you have the place back before they were put in a situation like this. Good luck to you.

You sound like a true friend. Invite your friend out for a beer & explain your own situation. Maybe he has family that can help or he can apply for assistance from the state. Perhaps your house would qualify for section 8? Put your heads together & see what you can come up with.

Try talking to him and explaning to him the situation you are in. You need to look out for yourself, you have been a good friend but it is time to look out for numero uno

I have a suggestion, but you may not like it...
Understanding that this man is an able being, he can certainly find work even at McDonalds. If he has to take a job beneath his skills just to have some sort of an income, so be it.
He needs to get off his lazy a$$ and become a functioning individual once again.
Friendship does not pay the bills and you are going to have to have a "come to Jesus" meeting with this man.

Raym - what a wonderful thing you have done for a friend. He's been just a good a friend to you from your statement...talk to him. Tell him you don't know what to do and want to to be fair for all concerned. Honor his friendship by making him an active partner in the resolution. Stick to what you can live with and be okay with when you look in the mirror but included him...let him know where you stand and seek his council.

Making a decision without his consultation may ultimately do the damage to your friendship that you are trying to avoid. Making him an involved partner in the resolution may help him still feel like a man and not someone who is denying responsiblity. Done right, you may come out of the tunnel closer friends.

I would be interested in your thoughts and the ultimate outcome. good luck.

Dragonflylady817

not many options from where i stand about the only option i see is to move back in with your friend his wife and kids and hope for the best,it might work out,possibly give them a time line to find a job or move out if they can, maybe your company will pick up and you can hire him,maybe he'll find a good job ,or maybe sharing the bills for a short while will help you both..these are trying times indeed..good luck...

I agree with everyone here........you must take care of yourself first and foremost (otherwise how would you be able to help them if you couldn't afford to pay the mortgage??)

Anyhoo, I would discuss the situation with him, brain storm possible solutions......and then work together to see them happen.

Everyone hits hard times, but it doesn't help anyone to drag more people in to the hard times.

I'm not sure how u all would get along living together.

By your explanation you do not feel that they are "mooching" but are genuinely working to better the situation...

If ur friendship is strong, and you both can effectively communicate.......everything will work out fine..

You are a good friend and a good son!!
Definitely need to have a long discussion with the friend. Obviously, even if it means you can't be close to your folks, you need to get back into your home.
I don't know what else to say except that sometimes talking things out and giving ALL these situations time will work some of it out.
Best wishes!!

Sometimes even a township trustee will help with back rent and utilities...I wish everyone concerned the very best and friends always understand...good luck to you

Thank you guys for your thoughts.If it was just him it would be simpler for me.The woman and children are my concern. His family can't help.He always had to help them.My house is a 3br/2ba. My daughter and I and them is too much for the house.He has applied to the fast food chains. I know because I drove him.I am afraid the only option will be for them to leave and me move back in.But where will they go?I will explore the section 8 thing any further advice there? How do I go about it.Thank you so much, it helps to hear from you guys.

Simply go to the Housing Authority in ur town/city/county and have ur friend file an application. The problem is sometimes there is a huge waiting list. Even if they can't stay in ur house, maybe they can get housing somewhere else through the program.

However, if they do get approved and you want to rent your place to them.......you will have to let section 8 know you want to be approved for their renters. There is usually a walk through....as everything must be up to code, etc., etc.

Call your local housing authority & find out if your friend qualifies for subsidized housing. If he does, see if your house qualifies for the program.

Township trustee? Sorry to appear ignorant here. I've never dealt with any of these issues before.Thanks again.

Take him and have them apply for welfare and section 8 housing. Have them contact the local Churches even if they do not go to Church they will still step in and help with rent, utility's and groceries. There are many programs you can find just search your local area on the net and it will bring up many things.

And if they refuse to go on the system then you will have no other choice but to do what you must for your daughter and you.

Sad and hard way but.......your child comes first some times others need that push to really try harder.

My personal opinion is that you have done enough for him already-- some people will get "use" to having a crutch and not do for themselves. (teach a man to fish)The best thing would be to let him know that he needs to move out and you need to move back in- maybe forcing him to either do something more. And if they fail, not your fault! Being a nurse, I have learned as much as you would like..you can not help everyone. People have to support themselves.
You owe it to your daughter not to get yourself into a bind!

Thanks guys. I will read over and over your advice.My friend understands that I can't support two families forever.Our friendship will not end even if his stay in my house does. My daughter will always come first.I realize of course that I can't help someone at the risk of my family.I wanted to hear any and all options. He has been to the churches and a few were able to help, but most can't. They line of people in need is so very long. Pray for all these people please. I guess you guys have told me what deep down I've known. I know I can't help everyone but I can't help but be dissappointed in my limitations. Now the tough part comes.You are all great for taking the time.Thank you, sincerely.

Move into the house and live with them? How big is the house? If at all ask them to start spending more on the rent, even if only a little it does help a bit. Obviously you don't want to kick them out, as I can't imagine this question coming up if that were the intention. Work with them, talk to them about an option that is able to work with all parties involved, ask if they have any options they can bring to the table...think of some options yourself, cost effective? Will you be able to continue to live on the option? Whichever you pick just make sure you won't be going under.

taking advantage...and will until you boot em.....It's sad especially for them to even put you in this position....shame on them.