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| Topic: Do I bite my tongue? | |
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If the child can express these feelings to the mother, why do you feel she cannot express them to the father? Honestly she's not like that... She's like him when it comes to expressing emotions...She won't tell him. He's not a bad father, I don't want it to sound like that, he just has his head up his azz at times... |
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If I were in your shoes I would tell my child that sometimes when people (in general) get a new friend they tend to give them a lot of attention. I'm sure he doesn't know he is doing this and you should tell him how it makes you feel. If you get involved it could cause a rift between the two of you. It is HIS relationship with your daughter. Though we always want to make things right for our children, it is their relationship. If she can tell YOU what is bothering her, she surely can tell him. By allowing them to work through the issues it will build a stronger relationship for them and you will not be perceived as interfering. Great and thoughtful point |
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You need to allow them to figure things out for themselves. You can not control what an ex does on their time with a child. Trust me, as children get older..they will figure everything out for themselves and chances are..as they get older, they will no longer want to visit the other parent as much. If it is bothering your daughter to that extent..she herself needs to talk to her father about it and how it makes her feel. She's only 6 and a half... Old enough to express her feelings.. she obviously did with you.  If you said something, he will then know that she told you about the new GF.. he will then think of it as jealousy or something to that effect.
From experience feelings are not always that easy to express at such a young age. If the child can express these feelings to the mother, why do you feel she cannot express them to the father? There are a number of variables that can differ from person to person, the reason I never said anything was due to intimidation. I'm not saying her daughter is intimidated, but when you've known one thing your whole life and a new aspect is added into the equation it is difficult to cope with...all I'm saying is I wish someone would have spoke for me when I had the same concern... It's true that as humans we avoid confrontations so expecting a child to willingly discuss this with the father may be a bit too optimistic. Possibly the mother could facilitate the conversation without projecting her feelings. |
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Confront him on it, My son always comes first, before anyone that I date.
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Maybe the 3 or 4 of you should talk about this and make your daughters feelings known and if that don't work BYTCH SLAP HIM sorry just a thought i'm no Doctor Phil
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Confront him on it, My son always comes first, before anyone that I date. Ya me too... In 4 years she's only met 2 of the people I've dated, and then it was only like once or twice a week kinda thing... I don't integrate her very quickly when dating someone seriously, and not at all when it is casual. |
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You need to allow them to figure things out for themselves. You can not control what an ex does on their time with a child. Trust me, as children get older..they will figure everything out for themselves and chances are..as they get older, they will no longer want to visit the other parent as much. If it is bothering your daughter to that extent..she herself needs to talk to her father about it and how it makes her feel. She's only 6 and a half... Old enough to express her feelings.. she obviously did with you. If you said something, he will then know that she told you about the new GF.. he will then think of it as jealousy or something to that effect.
From experience feelings are not always that easy to express at such a young age. If the child can express these feelings to the mother, why do you feel she cannot express them to the father? There are a number of variables that can differ from person to person, the reason I never said anything was due to intimidation. I'm not saying her daughter is intimidated, but when you've known one thing your whole life and a new aspect is added into the equation it is difficult to cope with...all I'm saying is I wish someone would have spoke for me when I had the same concern... It's true that as humans we avoid confrontations so expecting a child to willingly discuss this with the father may be a bit too optimistic. Possibly the mother could facilitate the conversation without projecting her feelings. Agreed.. perhaps discuss with your daughter that on a 3hr visitation..mention to her father over the phone.. "perhaps on Wed, just you and I could to go McDonalds".. something along those lines. |
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Edited by
Bushidobillyclub
on
Wed 09/10/08 07:07 PM
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If it is affecting your daughter I would talk to him about it, she seems like she is obviously distraught by it...it is worth mentioning to him. Yes. I would at least mention it. Some really great points in this thread. We are all human, its natural to both feel jealous and feel excited about new relationships in our lives. |
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Honestly it is something that you should bring to light and let him know her feelings. But........in a civil manner for if you go off on him it will make it worse for her in the long run.
But......he does need to know how she feels and she needs to be told also that other people will come into both yours and his life. That neither means to ignore her and to say something if she is feeling left out. But for now for you to keep quiet about this nawwwwwwwwww I can't see that at all but do keep it in a civil conversation. No matter how hard remember your doing this for the best of your daughter. |
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Honestly it is something that you should bring to light and let him know her feelings. But........in a civil manner for if you go off on him it will make it worse for her in the long run. But......he does need to know how she feels and she needs to be told also that other people will come into both yours and his life. That neither means to ignore her and to say something if she is feeling left out. But for now for you to keep quiet about this nawwwwwwwwww I can't see that at all but do keep it in a civil conversation. No matter how hard remember your doing this for the best of your daughter. If you question his actions he takes great defense to them... He is not someone you can just just lightly bring matters up with, you have to sugar coat them 14 times before you can actually get to the heart of the matter. |
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Edited by
MsCarmen
on
Wed 09/10/08 07:17 PM
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Most of the time, our kids don't want to talk to us for two reasons. One, they think they might hurt the parent's feelings, or two, they think they might get in trouble. Most likely, she won't want to tell him for fear of hurting his feelings. Is there a chance that maybe you could talk to him briefly and tell him that she wants to talk to him about something but is kind of scared of what his reaction would be, set up a time for all 3 of you to meet, and them in someway help her along with telling him what is bothering her?
We all want our children to be able to come to us and talk to us about anything. But when they are young, it's kind of hard. Not only that, it always seems that the child picks one of the parents that they can always talk to, and the other one gets left out, so to speak. So I would suggest figuring out a way to get her to communicate her feelings to her father, so that way in the future, it will be more comfortable for her to be able to talk to him about anything that is bothering her. That way, if something else comes up, she won't have to wait to be with the parent that she is comfortable talking to, she can talk to which ever one she is with at the time. JMHO 
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Honestly it is something that you should bring to light and let him know her feelings. But........in a civil manner for if you go off on him it will make it worse for her in the long run. But......he does need to know how she feels and she needs to be told also that other people will come into both yours and his life. That neither means to ignore her and to say something if she is feeling left out. But for now for you to keep quiet about this nawwwwwwwwww I can't see that at all but do keep it in a civil conversation. No matter how hard remember your doing this for the best of your daughter. If you question his actions he takes great defense to them... He is not someone you can just just lightly bring matters up with, you have to sugar coat them 14 times before you can actually get to the heart of the matter. Hummmmmmmm sounds like my ex lmao shshshsh it is and all out yelling match before it would half way sink in. |
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He's not a yeller, he's more of a let's turn this around kinda thing...Takes the focus off of what you brought up and turns it to something I've done wrong.
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Well Lily hun do what you think would be appropriate and would benefit your daughter.. A mothers intuition is always the greatest...
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I slept on it, and I think I'm gonna wait, if she brings it up again I will say something, if she doesn't it really only bothered her this time.
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