So I tried dating this weekend, it was really awkward. My jokes not appreciated and I was left nervous paying the tab. I don't feel like myself out there, I feel like I am supposed to perform and impress, I am horrible at impressing, I am much better at disgusting people. But I put on my "nice" clothes and tried being relaxed, she seemed nice, but I seemed like a sweaty crack addict fidgeting around talking way too fast and over compensating for my less than alluring looks constantly asking if she needed or wanted anything, kind of like an over attentive waiter. So after it end with an awkward kiss on the cheek at her doorstep, I went out, got drunk, saw her out, I was a lot less nervous and think she liked me better. I believe I am a better drunk than sober, I mean that's when I'm not boring and my jokes are funny. I just wish I could be the fun guy sober and not care at all. Anyway, I am just doing my usual *****ing, peace.

Don't forget! Us girls get just as nervous and freaked out as you do!

Congratulations, you got further than me anyway.

That's because drinking makes gives you confidence....be careful...don't go there...it could hurt you terribly....I see nothing wrong with your looks, or your heart, other than it's hurting...you just need to find something to laugh about for awhile...maybe for awhile you should go out with groups of people...and then invite a date along and gradually introduce her to you...I wish you luck

do not sell yourself short

Do a meet and greet for coffee or just a drink next time, then a 'date'.

As stated above,, Just a meet and greet for coffee kinda breaks the ice for the next date,,

Pat yourself on the back,, And say Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm not to bad,,, I asked I went and I can talk about it,,, met a nice lady and learned somethings about myself that I will work on,,,,

Go into each adventure with a possitive attitude ...The end result ,,, a second date

All it sounds like to me is that you need to have confidence in yourself. If you're thinking your looks are "less than alluring" the whole time you're with her and trying to compensate, then that's the vibe you're putting out there.

Take it from me, confidence, charm, and wit can be far more attractive than looks.

The alcohol just lets out the real you that is being smothered by fear. Don't be scared...

screw em, be yourself...

i don't try to impress, sometimes it works and sometimes it don't

This.

Also, the point of dating is to get to know the other person and see if you're compatible. If you put on a show and don't let her see who you really are, how is she supposed to know how much she likes you? All she knows of you is the act you're putting on.

It's not just about impressing someone; it's also about figuring out how much you like them as well.

I'm also a big fan of coffee meetups the first time you meet someone. It's not a date so it takes the pressure off nicely.

You are very hard on yourself. Try to get the idea of a formal date with set expectations out of your head. Try a casual "just hanging out someplace fun' kind of date with someone you can be yourself with.

Dont worry.......at least you dont get drunk and get lost going to the bathroom on a first date......

It is so JUST A DATE. In the grande scheme of things, why is it a big deal?

Coffee date, great advice. Then you're not stuck with them, or vice versa. There is nothing to be nervous about. You got to be you.... no sense getting all worked up, and for what? A stranger's approval? Don't have more than two drinks on a date. Please....

Always go on a first meet as 'friends' .. no expectations except to make a new friend. How hard is that? No pressure, no letdown.

And drinks. Or coffee.

Not dinner.

See every 'meet' as more experience under your belt. Like job interviews. You may not even want the job (or the relationship) but it always gives you more confidence. And it sounds like you need that.


And most importantly

((((((((((((((((((( RELAX ))))))))))))))))))))

..first date jitters...been there man..it's worse when she's much better looking....so just go out on a few dates too with other women that are less attractive...too build up your confidence/experience..

Roco

I agree with the coffee date or drinks before taking someone out to dinner. You are a good looking guy (perved your profile). Just try to relax and remember that.

practice makes perfect and im sure u are imagining that you were such a bad date... cheer up you couldnt be all that bad... try first maybe by meeting gal friends..... everyone is always nervous to be with someone whom they are attracted to.... your not alone

We seem to put a lot of pressure on ourselves that this date has to be perfect ,that this maybe the only chance we get.
Having been around quit a few years I have learned that for me coffee dates suck because to me it feels like a job interview.I respect what everyone else is saying here.For myself I arrange to meet for a game of pool and chat It takes the pressure off and I have fun . I can laugh at myself if I make a bad shot.A time limit two hours is long enough for a first meeting for me anyway.

Ya know. This dude does now what I used to do.

He tries so hard to impress ( even though he figures he isn't good at it ) that he stifles who he really is.

He THINKS he's better when he's drunk, but that's only because the booze helps him to relax.

The only thing I can say here is this...

Dude. Stop beating the hell out of yourself. It's exceptionally counter productive. It does you no good at all, and it sure as hell doesn't help you relax when you meet up with someone.

It took me a long, LONG time to be able to just walk up to someone ( hell...I STILL have trouble doing it ) and say hi. Or I may not say hi at all. I may just smile at her as I walk by.

Now, I have gotten to the point where I simply don't TRY to impress anyone.

I figure it this way. I am who I am. If I walk up and say something to a woman, then she is either going to want to talk, or she won't. If she isn't, then that's her loss because I know how awesome I am. :-)

The number one thing that you are going to have to do ( and I speak from experience ) is stop beating yourself up. If YOU don't feel like you are worth a sh*t to anyone, what makes you think that it doesn't show when you are speaking to someone?

Getting drunk is nothing more than a crutch.

My brother thinks that he's " better " when he's drinking. Well..I have tried to tell him a few times ( he doesn't listen of course ) that in all actuality, he's simply more obnoxious when he's drunk. What let's him get away with it is the fact that everyone around him is drinking as well. That doesn't mean he is more witty or more funny when he's drinking. It just means that the people he is with are more likely to think he is funny cuz they are drinking too.

The sooner you stop trying to perform and impress, the sooner you're going to become the most impressive performer you've ever been.

The most successful guys in the dating world may look like they are deriving their success from confidence, but it's actually indifference, or more specifically, a lack of self-consciousness.

You're judging yourself way harder than any woman would judge you. In fact, she's judging herself more than you're judging her. With that realization, it should be easy for you to let go of self-consciousness to become indifferent, ultimately allowing you to radiate a glowing sense of confidence.

-Chief