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| Topic: What you will not put up with | |
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I don't know, as I read this I become a little disheartened. Rules for dating. Let's call them what they are limits.
We are putting up limits on the person we are looking for. Some might say, that narrows the focus to the traits I'm looking for. Everyone is on here for the same reason, we can't seem to find someone "locally" on our own. Whether we admit it or not. My question is this: If we've been following these rules for so long, haven't we've narrowed our focus right past some descent people? I've heard women on this site say "you need to lower your standards" or "you need to start looking for different traits." It appears to me, that we all could use to follow this advice, because it is obvious that none of us know what we are doing or we wouldn't be here. Now I admit, that may sound harsh, but sometimes we need harshness to open our eyes to what we are not seeing. Look, we all say we want that perfect person, but there is no perfect person. Relationships are all about comprimise, doing things you don't like because the person you are with enjoys them. Who hasn't had to deal with "an annoying friend" that someone they cared about just loved? Who hear hasn't gone to some event (concert, wine tasting, art show) even though they thought they would hate it the whole time (whether you did or not)? Loving someone is about accepting them in spite of their faults. The things you have in common don't matter so much as the things you don't. If you are putting up "rules" before you start getting to know someone, aren't you just setting yourself up to end up right back here? Just an observation, it hit me this morning, I thought I might see if it intrigued anyone else. All that being said, you still need to make the tea. |
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Edited by
SVImager
on
Fri 08/15/08 07:41 AM
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.... 17. I'm Irish, I know this should come tatood somewhere on me like a warning label. No one EVER wonders where they stand with me. When I'm happy, you'll know it, when I'm angry NO ONE will doubt it. ... Well, there you go... That's a deal killer for me. Don't get me wrong. Irish girls are pretty and I go to the Irish fair every year and my best friend across the street is Irish and spills Red Wine on my carpet and tells the same Irish Jokes over and over again when he is drunk...then send his drunk Irish ass home. It is the Irish attitude I can't live with. hehe They are IMPOSSIBLE!!! Read the first line of the top of my origanol post huh??? Don't fret, you're not my type to begin with.... you whine tooooooooooo much. Oh... Yeah... Than I am going to have my Rule list too. I spank Irish Girls. Rules: #1. No Irish Girls. #2. No Half Irish Girls... They are just as mean and aggressive. #3. No Quarter Irish Girls, unless accompanied by 3 written reference stating she has a submissive personality and the Irishness is breed out of her. I've been to Scarborough Faire. No Egg Drop Soup for yau. hehe.. Just having fun. My two daughters are Quarter Irish and you can trace the tough feminine lineage all the way to Great Great Grandmother. There is definitely something about Irish women. |
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.... 17. I'm Irish, I know this should come tatood somewhere on me like a warning label. No one EVER wonders where they stand with me. When I'm happy, you'll know it, when I'm angry NO ONE will doubt it. ... Well, there you go... That's a deal killer for me. Don't get me wrong. Irish girls are pretty and I go to the Irish fair every year and my best friend across the street is Irish and spills Red Wine on my carpet and tells the same Irish Jokes over and over again when he is drunk...then send his drunk Irish ass home. It is the Irish attitude I can't live with. hehe They are IMPOSSIBLE!!! Read the first line of the top of my origanol post huh??? Don't fret, you're not my type to begin with.... you whine tooooooooooo much. Oh... Yeah... Than I am going to have my Rule list too. I spank Irish Girls. Rules: #1. No Irish Girls. #2. No Half Irish Girls... They are just as mean and aggressive. #3. No Quarter Irish Girls, unless accompanied by 3 written reference stating she has a submissive personality and the Irishness is breed out of her. I've been to Scarborough Faire. No Egg Drop Soup for yau. hehe.. Just having fun. My two daughters are Quarter Irish and you can trace the tough feminine lineage all the way to Great Great Grandmother. There is definitely something about Irish women. We don't take sh*t, and we play just as hard as the boys... That's what's with Irish women. We don't sit around and wait to be rescued, we forge ahead and take care of ourselves and our families... We're a hearty stock.... If that's not appealing to you, you are certainly welcome to go find a high maintenance bubble head to "save" no harm in that right, that always works out well right??? |
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I don't know, as I read this I become a little disheartened. Rules for dating. Let's call them what they are limits. We are putting up limits on the person we are looking for. Some might say, that narrows the focus to the traits I'm looking for. Everyone is on here for the same reason, we can't seem to find someone "locally" on our own. Whether we admit it or not. My question is this: If we've been following these rules for so long, haven't we've narrowed our focus right past some descent people? I've heard women on this site say "you need to lower your standards" or "you need to start looking for different traits." It appears to me, that we all could use to follow this advice, because it is obvious that none of us know what we are doing or we wouldn't be here. Now I admit, that may sound harsh, but sometimes we need harshness to open our eyes to what we are not seeing. Look, we all say we want that perfect person, but there is no perfect person. Relationships are all about comprimise, doing things you don't like because the person you are with enjoys them. Who hasn't had to deal with "an annoying friend" that someone they cared about just loved? Who hear hasn't gone to some event (concert, wine tasting, art show) even though they thought they would hate it the whole time (whether you did or not)? Loving someone is about accepting them in spite of their faults. The things you have in common don't matter so much as the things you don't. If you are putting up "rules" before you start getting to know someone, aren't you just setting yourself up to end up right back here? Just an observation, it hit me this morning, I thought I might see if it intrigued anyone else. All that being said, you still need to make the tea. Alannis says it best here.... Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds? Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition? Do you have a big intellectual capacity but know That it alone does not equate wisdom? Do you see everything as an illusion? But enjoy it even though you are not of it? Are you both masculine and feminine? politically aware? And dont believe in capital punishment? These are 21 things that I want in a lover Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that Loving someone can actually feel like freedom? are you funny? la self-deprecating? like adventure? and have many formed opinions? These are 21 things that I want in a lover Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover Im in no hurry I could wait forever Im in no rush cuz I like being solo There are no worries and certainly no pressure in the meantime Ill live like theres no tomorrow Are you uninhibited in bed? more than three times a week? Up for being experimental? are you athletic? Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother? are you not addicted? ...curious and communicative... |
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won't:cheatig and abuse
will: guys night out |
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if i say bad sex ... would that make me shallow?
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I won't put up with lies, chronic unemployment, dependance on Mommy, alcoholism, drug use, criminal activities or abuse. Seems to me these things should be obvious, but I have learned the hard way they are not.
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just one rule:** (No guns on the person when I give out hugs)**
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1) Violence.
2) Dishonesty. 3) Passive-agression. If you can't communicate clearly and openly like a grown-up, I don't need you in my life. 4) Cheating. If you develop serious interest in someone else, we can talk about whether opening the relationship might be good. Given my openness to those types of discussions, there is NO excuse for cheating and lying and endangering my sexual health. 5) Lack of consideration. If you're running late, call/text. If you can't make it, call/text. 6) Insecurity. 7) Demands that I end friendships with people I used to date. (See also: insecurity.) 8) Pressuring me not to use condoms, not seeing the need for discussions of sexual health and mutual testing, etc. 9) Sexual selfishness. Knowing what you want (and being willing and able to communicate that) is awesome. Not caring what I want means I won't want it at all from you. 10) Being mean to the waitstaff shows your true colors and means you're not really a kind person. 11) Refusing to cuddle me after sex or generally. 12) Making me feel like I'm not a priority in your life. I have lots of deal-breakers. I'm perfectly happy with this. |
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Stupidity...man, do I despise stupid people.
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 Are you up front on what you will and will not put up with in a relationship? So what are your rules? I don't tolerate double-talk or being BS'ed or lied to. If you're seeing someone other than me, don't lie to me and say you aren't. Don't go telling me one thing while doing another. |
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just one rule:** (No guns on the person when I give out hugs)** What about one of those belt buckle pistols or a hideaway ankle pistol? I understand not wanting to hug a guy with a shotgun on his back, but the toy guns like derringers, are they cool? |
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I agree with Roaming about 'letting up' on your 'list' a little. But there's a big difference between being flexible with what 'your vs their' interests are, and putting up with bad treatment in a relationship. That should be a no-brainer.
As to interests .. sure you can be easy going and find what they like about an interest you don't have, but you can also let them have some hobbies you aren't into. I think it interesting how many people can't give their partner space to pursue something they aren't really ever going to be in to. Nothing wrong with having some stuff to enjoy on your own too. IMHO. |
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Listen to what I say, don't just hear me
Let me have my space too work WITH me...NOT against me DON'T try to change me, it just wont happen!!!! |
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Listen to what I say, don't just hear me Let me have my space too work WITH me...NOT against me DON'T try to change me, it just wont happen!!!! No wonder we're friends 
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I don't know, as I read this I become a little disheartened... If you are putting up "rules" before you start getting to know someone, aren't you just setting yourself up to end up right back here? All that being said, you still need to make the tea. I think I agree with you on most points. Aren't rules made to be broken? But you should probably make your own d&$m tea, howver
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 Very interesting
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lily...u and ur long list of rules....pretty intense.
one question. if u r only 34, how could u be married 34 years? am wondering about that... 3 engagements...well i guess u would know about that, too. 
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i wouldnt call them rules but i have some things if he does to me hes gone
a. cheating b. lying huge lies not the little white ones because everyone does those c. beating me/disrespecting me i could probably find something else |
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1) Violence. 2) Dishonesty. 3) Passive-agression. If you can't communicate clearly and openly like a grown-up, I don't need you in my life. 4) Cheating. If you develop serious interest in someone else, we can talk about whether opening the relationship might be good. Given my openness to those types of discussions, there is NO excuse for cheating and lying and endangering my sexual health. 5) Lack of consideration. If you're running late, call/text. If you can't make it, call/text. 6) Insecurity. 7) Demands that I end friendships with people I used to date. (See also: insecurity.) 8) Pressuring me not to use condoms, not seeing the need for discussions of sexual health and mutual testing, etc. 9) Sexual selfishness. Knowing what you want (and being willing and able to communicate that) is awesome. Not caring what I want means I won't want it at all from you. 10) Being mean to the waitstaff shows your true colors and means you're not really a kind person. 11) Refusing to cuddle me after sex or generally. 12) Making me feel like I'm not a priority in your life. I have lots of deal-breakers. I'm perfectly happy with this. i second you on a lot of those |
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