The only thing that should be changed in a relationship are the things that are physical harmful to someone..If you like to drunk and drive..yes your partner has the right to say something..if you like to get high and drive..yup they should speak up..but things like "Well I like red heads..will you dye your hair red for me?"..Or..I like tall girls..will you wear heels even if you yourself don't like them?..um..Nope..don't think so.

Well those are both pretty extreme examples. The first two are very significant, the other two are absolutely trivial. What about something like the person's habits such as something sort of in the middle...like they don't think that cleaning the kitchen is necessary, even though it attracts roaches. Or their driving is really fast and their significant other asks them to be a bit more careful. Or they don't spend any time supporting their significant other's activities.

Would any of those be acceptable in your opinion?

Well those are both pretty extreme examples. The first two are very significant, the other two are absolutely trivial. What about something like the person's habits such as something sort of in the middle...like they don't think that cleaning the kitchen is necessary, even though it attracts roaches. Or their driving is really fast and their significant other asks them to be a bit more careful. Or they don't spend any time supporting their significant other's activities.

Would any of those be acceptable in your opinion?

eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww@roaches..the kitchen don't have to be so spotless that "I" could eat off it..I just don't want the roaches eating off it either..lol.You spill something,get it up but its not something that gotta be done on schedule.I got way more to worry about than if the kitchen is spotless..lol..and I don't think that couples have to enjoy EVERY activity together..I love things that I KNOW guys aren't gonna like and I'm more than happy to go off and do them alone while he does his thing.

personally i could give a crap if any one thought i was perfect for them if they want to be with me fine..if not who cares if i find someone here thats fine ..if not dont care life is too short to care what others think of me i know who iam i know i have alot of good qualities and a bad habit like smoking my choice,im a good hearted person that has alot to offer a good hearted woman ..the main thing i ask is that she loves to take care of her man if thats too much to ask bye..as far as being perfect ..no im not but there again dont care i wasnt made to be as far as someone else saying theyre perfect well they cant be because they already showed the propensity to lie by saying they are perfect ..dont like what i have to say once again DONT care ..rather than search for perfection we should serach for someone who treats us with love kindness and understanding ...thats perfect enough for me ....jmo

I understand that separate identities are important to a relationship. But take your comment about keeping the kitchen clean enough to avoid roaches. Consider the following situation:

You are with a wonderful man. You and he have a great relationship and seem to connect on many deep levels. There are very few things that you dislike about him, and of all of these things, you don't want or expect him to change any. Except one. In the kitchen, he makes a mess by often spilling crumbs and sauce on the countertop and floor. He never cleans it up, and has specifically stated that he doesn't think it's important. Although you don't need the kitchen to be immaculately clean, you definitely dislike roaches. Over the past few weeks, his messes have begun to attract roaches.

In this scenario, do you think that it would be inappropriate for you to ask him to "change" by starting to clean up after himself? Would you think it is unreasonable to expect him to change? Do you think that it's reasonable to simply dump the relationship over this issue, because you wouldn't ever want to ask him to change anything about himself?

If he can over look my disabilities or my abilities and love me as a person and a woman..he can go and buy up the whole Raid Roach Spray display at kmart and its all good.

But he's still "changed" from not caring about roaches to suddenly caring about them because of you, hasn't he?

The perfect guy/girl for you but then she/he started bringing up things about YOU that THEY didn't like..and actually asked you to change them..would you do it?

only thing i'd change is to quit smokin, cuz i'm doin that anyway...

Good for you!

..I hardly believe that anybody wants to just sit there while bugs crawl all over them..

The only thing that should be changed in a relationship are the things that are physical harmful to someone..If you like to drunk and drive..yes your partner has the right to say something..if you like to get high and drive..yup they should speak up..but things like "Well I like red heads..will you dye your hair red for me?"..Or..I like tall girls..will you wear heels even if you yourself don't like them?..um..Nope..don't think so.

thx
it's not havin those last 4 that's hard as hell...

So let me get this straight. You do or do not agree with me that if a partner wanted you to change a bad habit such as smoking that this would be acceptable to you and it would be a good choice to pursue. I’m confused because I made this comment at nearly the beginning of the thread and you seemed to overlook it or argue. Now it’s okay?

I second the compliment. Focus on the positives that you're getting from losing the addiction, that can be a good motivator.
Good luck!