Thanks for the advice. Thats not my intention at all. I have prayed for these feelings to go away and they just have gotten worse. I can't avoid this person because of a particular situation, he is around quite a bit, and not because I invite him... its more complicated than can be addressed in just a few sentences.. sorry if it came across harsh, because I just wanted to be blatantly honest to get honest advice.... thanks again.

understand, thanks

Ill tell ya what.. tonight when you tuck your son into bed.. look into his eyes and imagine the hurt he would feel, how it would affect him the rest of his life if you go through with this thing.. then when your in bed tonight.. look into your best friends eyes.. your HUSBAND and imagine the hurt he would feel. the betrayal he would feel..
Do you really think its worth it to cheat with this person your so sexually attracted to??
I hope you already know the answer and will get this person out of your life and stay with your family.. You better do some praying

My ex cheated on me, I was devastated, she and I are not even friends because of it. Better get right before you loose it all and wishing you didn't F***ed Up.

i'd sit down with your husband and tell him. Usually when sexual attraction goes away, it's because of other problems. You made a promise to him, this is one of the thick and thin times. Who knows, maybie you can figure out a way to work around this together.

If you want to play the tape through, what will probly happen is you'll cheat on your husband, feel guilty, tell him, ruin the marrage, then when he's gone realize he really was mr right and you where in a slump, and the guy you where attracted to, isn't so hot now that you slept with him.

Sex <> Love... or a marriage is not the same as a great sexual relationship.

You may very well love your husband. That is a fine relationship. The difficulty will be addressing his perception of the situation.

You state that you have prayed about the situation which implies that you are religious... so you may not like my suggestion, but please put any initial reactions aside and reason through my response.

We are not entirely devoid of instinctive urges. Whether a god or evolution gave us our present set of intellect and instinct we are not designed to be monogamous.

Our nature dictates that we pursue our own pleasure and well being. If there is a god that set this up, then who are we to deny our desires? If there is no god then what does it matter?

You do not find your husband attractive sexually... why? You need to understand your own standing irregardless of any moral code you wish to pursue. You love your husband so his feelings on the matter are obviously a factor. Ask him how he feels about you. If he is still head-over-heels for you then you have a problem.

You will need to figure out how to break the news to him without destroying the good thing you have. A true friend will stand by you. This may be a telling moment.

Figure out why you are not attracted to your husband. Try to find out how he would feel about a more open relationship. If he is threatened by this you will need to decide for yourself whether it is worth the risk of bringing this problem up or not.

If your lack of attraction to your husband is something that he might be able to remedy, then offer him suggestions... not subtle hints, but real achievable objectives that he can work towards.

Boredom with a relationship does not have to be terminal. Both parties need to understand the urges and needs of the other. If your love is true then sexual "infidelity" will not be a big deal as long as you are honest with each other.

In my personal experience there is no "forever" kind of attraction. Sex and love are two different things with certain degrees of intersection. I find it sad that couples break up over this. I still love many of my ex-girlfriends as people. Their sexual attractiveness too me is lessened. As a male I could still engage them in a sexual fashion, but would not perform as well as I would with a current crush. I do not know how females perceive this. I would guess it is similar but with more details and decision involved.

As a male I can say this: If you express that you are still emotionally involved and willing to provide physical pleasure as requested, then it is likely that I can forgive indiscretions of a purely physical nature. If I had a girlfriend that just wanted to F*#k another guy, then aside from the disease factor, I couldn't care less.

OTOH, if my girl was emotionally involved with someone else, then I would feel threatened and have a problem. If you have this issue then you need to be very careful: You need to be responsible and consider that this a burden of guilt that you alone have to bear. Ultimately it is your choice if you reveal this or act on it and keep it hidden.

Good luck to you.

You are attracted to him because you don't know what he looks like with the flu, you haven't listen to his stories 2700 times, and you didn't push his son through your body in nine months. He probably reminds you of your husband in younger days or in the ideal state because you don't live with him. You can make up your mind to nip this in the bud and work at loving your husband again or you can really screw up your life and avoid the real issues that made you loose interest in your husband. Be kind of sad because it might be a little problem that you can ignore until you get caught and he dumps you. You keep putting temptation in your path you can be sure you will
mess up and trash his friendship and your marriage. When i am talking about his friendship it isn't you. A real friend wouldn't betray his trust.

No! Go for it! Destroy everyones life involved! Here's your future in a nutshell----> JERRY!!! JERRY!!! JERRY!!! Springer show could always use fresh guests.

You really need to explore why you're not sexually attracted to your husband anymore. Is he boring sexually, not as adventurous as you, or his libido doesn't match yours?

I can tell you this from experience. You're on the verge of becoming roommates with your husband. You share a bed and a bank account. It's comfortable because you know what you have but it's not very exciting.

One of you will eventually leave this relationship and I suspect it will be you unless you change things. Somehow you need to break the news to your husband that you need more sexually and see what he's willing to do. There are lots of ways to spice up your sex life with him and maybe you haven't really tried them all.

Sometimes spouses are asleep at the wheel. They are satisfied with the relationship as it is and really don't know how unsatisfied you are unless you express it to them.

To me a healthy sex life with your mate is an essential ingredient to keep the relationship bonded. My ex lost me because she couldn't make romance and sex a priority. She's a good person and has lots of other interests. She was asleep at the wheel and she lost me. She wasn't paying attention...something she now readily admits.

Find a way to start talking to your husband about this. Leave the kids at home and go away for a romantic weekend somewhere. Bring all your sexy playthings with you. Plan on trying new things with him. Give it a try with him before you become really unhappy and leave your marriage.

My advice to you is stay completely away from this other man and never mention this to your husband. My God, are you people insane? Why would you want to tell your husband anything about this other man? Stay away from him and try to make things work with your husband.
You had to be IN love with your husband at one time. You had to have desires for your husband in the beginning. I think after so many years people get bored and just stop trying. You need to put the romance back into your marriage, and get the other guy totally away from your life.
The best thing you could honestly do is focus on your husband and not spend any time with this other man or on the computer. So many people would give anything to find that one that is perfect for us...get your act together and save your family!

Thank you. I appreciate the thought out answer, rather than a judgemental response.

thanks a bunch, guys. appreciate you all.

Good luck to you; and I hope you make the right decision for everyone involved.
Your question about not knowing if this is the right thing to do - I think you know the answer to that one.

Two words....Marriage Counselor.

9 years is a lot to throw away for a romp in the hay. Do the math...few minutes of possible pleasure + guilt.

You know what is the right thing to do.

more than two words...sorry.

well im a woman but will reply..... you should talk to your husband and make your life more exciting if that doesnt work out then divorce then think about your wandering eyes...

I was in a simular situation, hung on for many more years, only to find that what wasnt there at 9 years was even less of there 14 years later....get out, make a clean cut of it stop messing up your life, your husbands life and that of your child..sometimes people fall out of love, there is nothing bad about that..the bad part is when you fail to acknowledge it and do the difficult task of taking responsibility for yourself and your feelings...

Hon God doesn't 'take' away feelings that you need to deal with. You are sexually frustrated so of course 'temptation' comes along. Be strong and deal like a responsible adult. If your husband is your best friend as you say, then do whatever it takes to get rid of these other feelings .. even if it means to stop the interaction. Period.

I am embarrassed that you state you are a Christian and can not figure out your feelings are wrong. Even people who don't profess faith know what you are stating here is immoral and of poor character. It's a no brainer.

No one is judging I think we are just surprised you act as if you don't know the right thing to do. You know. Now do it.

Either get a divorce or get away from this other situation. There IS no other answer. Period.

Okay, so I'm assuming you want a real opinion.

When was the last time you put a smile on your husband's face? When was the last time you thought of doing something nice for him and he showed appreciation for it? When was the last time you and your husband went out on a date? Do you think dating ends when marriage begins? I mean, if you're gonna have an affair, you're gonna have an affair and no one's going to talk you out of it. There was obviously an attraction at least once, 4 years ago.

It's possible to have an affair with your husband too and do special things you haven't done in years, without the stigma of being labeled a cheater. Just let him know you're getting bored, and need attention. If he loves you, well, you can have your affair with him and keep your family. Otherwise, at least one 4 yearold is going to be mad at one or both of you and will grow to accept that failure in marriage should be accepted.

OK i will probably take some flax over this reply but so be it ,,,,
Heres a thought maybe your husband is as bored as you , maybe he looks at other women with the same urges as you ,communication is what is needed in this situation ,you say hes your best friend so you should be able to sit down and ask him piont blank how he feels about your sex life , maybe it could be a two way street , you both go find what you need to fulfill your sexual needs or find another couple to swing with ,, its 2008 not 1950 and their's a lot of people who have this kind of marriage and have been togeather for years , i agree with alot of comments here about lying ,cheating and being unfaithful ,But at the same time living a life of unhappiness will eventually end the marriage .Talking and listening honestly with each other can probably solve you problem and save your marriage .