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| Topic: WIDOWS AND WIDOWERS | |
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HI
I just joined this site yesterday, I am a widow, how long really don't matter i guess somedays seems like yesterday others a life time ago.was married 32 years Randy was dx in 2000 with mantle cell lymphoma, stage 4b spleen 28 cm. every lymphnode involved. given 5 weeks to live.. the goverment recuited us as lab rats in a phase one clinial trial, these has the most risk as nothing has been tried. we drove to bethesda maryland and did so till 2002 when one node showed mcl. in 2 weeks he was dieing. 6 months inpatient, a stem cell transplant in boston dana farber in 03 complete remission.. fought cgvd graft versus host where the donor eats something up of yours.. she chose his eyes ate the cornea out, back to boston for scaral lens to restore sight, more chemophotoaphreases to beat down the donor... by then the bones was shot... his heart was fine according to the mugga scan and the ekg and the thamum scans.. in between strokes both eyes, acute renal failure, congestive heart failure, massive pulumary embolisums, and careract sugery... he went back to work... he passed away last year at his machine, one moment he was standing the next gone.. his fellow responders worked from 6:09 when man down was called to 6:59 when the code was finished. he told me the week before he did not have another fight in him. we made a sucide pact... he died before we could complete it. will he always be a part of my life, sure.. he was my best friend, he made me complete. what i have found is that emotions you have in the battle are kept in check, I was in the room for every surgery test scope pick line , hickman.... and at the end was the one to pull the tube that inabaited him and his ivs.. and bathed him the last time.. when he fell he fractured his skull, and all his ribs where broken and his back he worked at a steel mill. has it been hard.. sure... there seems to be a something that will triger a memory, for a long time was not sure i'd make it, for a long time i did not want to. now i think i am ready to rejoin the living, make some friends, have hopefuly some one to share a cup of coffee with, a slow dance, a smile... a touch while i will never for him, he wanted me to go on or to go with him, with him was not an option at the end so i go on.. gosh by now you have to be bored to tears.... in the 7 years he had we packed so much love and laughter i was blessed. I want to dance in the summer rain, walk in new snow, see the best sunset... and livethe life we should have... rose |
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HI I just joined this site yesterday, I am a widow, how long really don't matter i guess somedays seems like yesterday others a life time ago.was married 32 years Randy was dx in 2000 with mantle cell lymphoma, stage 4b spleen 28 cm. every lymphnode involved. given 5 weeks to live.. the goverment recuited us as lab rats in a phase one clinial trial, these has the most risk as nothing has been tried. we drove to bethesda maryland and did so till 2002 when one node showed mcl. in 2 weeks he was dieing. 6 months inpatient, a stem cell transplant in boston dana farber in 03 complete remission.. fought cgvd graft versus host where the donor eats something up of yours.. she chose his eyes ate the cornea out, back to boston for scaral lens to restore sight, more chemophotoaphreases to beat down the donor... by then the bones was shot... his heart was fine according to the mugga scan and the ekg and the thamum scans.. in between strokes both eyes, acute renal failure, congestive heart failure, massive pulumary embolisums, and careract sugery... he went back to work... he passed away last year at his machine, one moment he was standing the next gone.. his fellow responders worked from 6:09 when man down was called to 6:59 when the code was finished. he told me the week before he did not have another fight in him. we made a sucide pact... he died before we could complete it. will he always be a part of my life, sure.. he was my best friend, he made me complete. what i have found is that emotions you have in the battle are kept in check, I was in the room for every surgery test scope pick line , hickman.... and at the end was the one to pull the tube that inabaited him and his ivs.. and bathed him the last time.. when he fell he fractured his skull, and all his ribs where broken and his back he worked at a steel mill. has it been hard.. sure... there seems to be a something that will triger a memory, for a long time was not sure i'd make it, for a long time i did not want to. now i think i am ready to rejoin the living, make some friends, have hopefuly some one to share a cup of coffee with, a slow dance, a smile... a touch while i will never for him, he wanted me to go on or to go with him, with him was not an option at the end so i go on.. gosh by now you have to be bored to tears.... in the 7 years he had we packed so much love and laughter i was blessed. I want to dance in the summer rain, walk in new snow, see the best sunset... and livethe life we should have... rose Hi Rose...Heres a big hug...I can feel the devotion and love in your words and totally understand your pain..Its funny I just joined yesterday as well....Cathyy |
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hi cathyy, nice to meet you... yes there was pain, the hardest thing was learning to fight the doctors and going with my guts, srink said i had an uncanny blink thing with randy... guess i did...
we both fought a good fight i did as i promised walked each step to the end with him... including being the one to cover him give him his cig and close the lid, them push him out the the children and grand children.. nothing to regret.. from reading some of the posts on here i was the luckly one... had a good enought marrage to maybe try it again.. any way welcome.... rose |
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hi cathyy, nice to meet you... yes there was pain, the hardest thing was learning to fight the doctors and going with my guts, srink said i had an uncanny blink thing with randy... guess i did... we both fought a good fight i did as i promised walked each step to the end with him... including being the one to cover him give him his cig and close the lid, them push him out the the children and grand children.. nothing to regret.. from reading some of the posts on here i was the luckly one... had a good enought marrage to maybe try it again.. any way welcome.... rose Well my marriage, I have to say was born in heaven and blessed with gods hand for 28 years...With that being said...I believe that the bond of marriage is very sacred and I do want to marry again...I know what it takes to make it work and I know what to look for in a person...I have great chapters in my life and I want to make the rest of the book I write more spectacular than the beginning. How, you say....with the inspiration, support and and above all the unconditional love that my husband gave to me freely without reservation...His legacy will live on through my children and myself and what a glorious memory it is...Cat |
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Hello Cathy ans rose and everyone...
Well one thing is for sure we all loved our spouses and the pain of their loss has been unbearable.I am so glad we have each other , cause some one who has not been through it does not really understand. The worst thing in our lives was likely there death . The time we needed them the most , was the time they weren,t there to help us , lean on and hold us and comfort us. But we are all strong and I know each and every one of us are going to make it.That is what they would want for us 
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You are right Betty, Our loved ones would not want anything less...That is true...That is the only thing that keeps me going along with the kids and grandkids...Cat
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Betty & Cathy (same names as my sister's; even the spelling), glad to see you welcoming Rose.
Rose, thanks for looking in & sharing. we all have our stories & it does help to share. Wish all the widow & widower's could make it out here in July. The things we would share   Talk to all of you later.
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Now is that a coincidence or what...How ya doing Mr...I say a party with the widow/widower club is in order.
Cheers 
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Another lady that will show off her legs!
   
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Another lady that will show off her legs! Well, at least I have something left to be proud of..You are a stinker... But to be honest, I dont know why I use some of the pics...At least mine are current, not like some of the horrid stories I have heard. |
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Another lady that will show off her legs! Hey don, you heating things up in here again  Hey Cathy you do look great!!
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Evening all
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hey if we all come out where are we sleeping? can we bring tents?
I'm in ohio and have a jeep.. room for more if we can carpool.. as for the grief part our youngest and her father had not spoke in months before he passed( she is bipolor) nor did she allow the kids to speak to us. her one son 16 years old trid to hand himself because of quilt... randy's passing was so unexpected.. and the week after he passed I had major surgery to remove masses that had mestatized from the overies and wraped the colon in a mass the size of a basket ball... was cancer free thank God but had to heal from both... I will say as I collected all the information from the hospital, security at the plant, the ambulance company... am sister asked what is it going to take for you to get over this? told hell you never get over this... some days i wonder if i'd live thru it.. as for dating I am ready to start over, but age takes it tole and I look every one of my years.... was on one site and got emails saying because im a widow i must be had up for sex... on that site there is now a warning, right off, nedless to say no one emailed me sense...lol i could be billy graham's bible thumping sister I guesss haahahahha |
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Hi rose
Had some of those same experiences . Its is not fun when people come up with these crazy widows are desperate notions . And when some family members and friends think you have reverted back in your chilhood and they want to make all your decisions for you or critizie the ones you do make . Have you come across that too?
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Hi Rose, it's nice to meet you. Glad you found the WW thread
Hi Betty
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Hi Connie
how is it going? Is your back still giving you grief?
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It is Betty, but it is sooo much better. It isn't severe pain like it was.. Now as the day goes on the stiffness from the night's sleep has worked it's way out. Things are looking up! Ty for asking!
How are things with you? |
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HI I just joined this site yesterday, I am a widow, how long really don't matter i guess somedays seems like yesterday others a life time ago.was married 32 years Randy was dx in 2000 with mantle cell lymphoma, stage 4b spleen 28 cm. every lymphnode involved. given 5 weeks to live.. the goverment recuited us as lab rats in a phase one clinial trial, these has the most risk as nothing has been tried. we drove to bethesda maryland and did so till 2002 when one node showed mcl. in 2 weeks he was dieing. 6 months inpatient, a stem cell transplant in boston dana farber in 03 complete remission.. fought cgvd graft versus host where the donor eats something up of yours.. she chose his eyes ate the cornea out, back to boston for scaral lens to restore sight, more chemophotoaphreases to beat down the donor... by then the bones was shot... his heart was fine according to the mugga scan and the ekg and the thamum scans.. in between strokes both eyes, acute renal failure, congestive heart failure, massive pulumary embolisums, and careract sugery... he went back to work... he passed away last year at his machine, one moment he was standing the next gone.. his fellow responders worked from 6:09 when man down was called to 6:59 when the code was finished. he told me the week before he did not have another fight in him. we made a sucide pact... he died before we could complete it. will he always be a part of my life, sure.. he was my best friend, he made me complete. what i have found is that emotions you have in the battle are kept in check, I was in the room for every surgery test scope pick line , hickman.... and at the end was the one to pull the tube that inabaited him and his ivs.. and bathed him the last time.. when he fell he fractured his skull, and all his ribs where broken and his back he worked at a steel mill. has it been hard.. sure... there seems to be a something that will triger a memory, for a long time was not sure i'd make it, for a long time i did not want to. now i think i am ready to rejoin the living, make some friends, have hopefuly some one to share a cup of coffee with, a slow dance, a smile... a touch while i will never for him, he wanted me to go on or to go with him, with him was not an option at the end so i go on.. gosh by now you have to be bored to tears.... in the 7 years he had we packed so much love and laughter i was blessed. I want to dance in the summer rain, walk in new snow, see the best sunset... and livethe life we should have... rose heartbreaking 
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Well pretty good I would say .We finally are suppose to get some warm weather around here . If you were in Toronto for any length of time you know how we can get 4 seasons in one day
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Hi Betty
oh yea.... i have lost froma size20 to a 14 soooo i went to good will and bought clothes as the weight fell off... the had a cow.. was dressing to young ect.... then To ''''help me the gave away trailers his clothes and shoes while i was in hospital... and all kind of stuff till i got enough guts to say back off.... now they comment now and then but leave me alone.... |
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