ouch! I have a FWB and its becoming increasingly clear to us both that its not working out....we love each other as friends, the sex is screwing (no pun intended) up that most important part of our relationship. We're taking a break from each other, cooling off and then we'll see what happens. hopefully its not too late to save the friendship.

Maybe if you are too close of friends the sex screws things up.
Is this because when the relationship gets to this level that maybe folks should become committed? This is really all too confusing.

Have you ever heard the expression, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free"? He's getting all the milk he wants from you and you are just letting him have it freely. On top of that, now that you've shown him some of the posts, he knows what to "pretend" to do to keep you hanging on. The best thing you can do is get rid of him and get your self-esteem and dignity back. Otherwise, you're gonna keep hanging on and miss out when the real Mr.Right comes along.
JMO

No spark huh? Lighter fluid and a bic lighter works wonders

Yikes...I am so sorry!

Yikes...I am so sorry!

Tell me about it....if I break it off now, or in 6 months, trust me it is going to hurt the same...

I am not sure I can continue being his friend...it's gonna have to be all or nothing!

WoW Well said. I wish more men felt and act like you've
mentioned. Relationships would last a lot longer and mean
a whole lot more to both of you. Keep spreading the word.
And I mean to your men friends.
It seems like men are usually...........I did say usually
takers. And women seem to be the givers. You just might be
able to level the playing field for both. Keep talking to
your men friends.....again.

Sometimes the whole FWB thing can work. It's just all about a mindset. If you go into it trying to gain something more than you are doomed to failure and lots and lots of pain. But if it really is just a phsyical thing and there are clearly no expectations for something more it can be a good thing. No one likes to be alone all the time and sometimes a little connection can go a long way even if it's not leading to "the one". The trick is to know your own feelings and limitations. Some people can't seperate love and sex (not a bad thing), on the flip side you can't always go through life having random and pointless connections with people. And if you want to do a FWB an ex you still have a thing for is not always the best way to go

i'd say just back away, make him think you forgot him. I've been there done that aint doing it again

I think I absolutely went into this with the goal of "making him love me." Well, he loves me...I know that...just not the way I want him too...this is tough!

All I can say, Missy.... is that I give up. If you don't care enough about yourself to stand up and get a backbone...

I refuse to waste any more energy communicating here. Good luck...

Appreciate the help...

I just want to let all of you sweet, smart people know that I have given him up!!! It's over, done! I still speak with him on the phone from time to time, we took my daughter to a festival on Saturday for a couple of hours; we met there, took separate cars; it had been planned for quite some time and my daughter likes him and was looking forward to it.

I have not been to his home for more than 30 minutes in 10 days! He still calls me every day at lunch to see how my day is, and always at bedtime to make sure I am doing fine. (My boss says he is trying to make sure I am home, and I am not always, and he does question me about it, I just tell him I am living my life.

I met another man late last, and I like him alot. Nive man, responsible...we actually do more than hang out at the house and fall into bed. I am taking baby steps this time...this man doesn't seem to want games, doesn't seem to play games, and I like that. I know it is too soon to tell, but it has helped me "stand up and get a backbone!"

Yay me!! And thank you for all of the good advice...I am there now, and I am a healthier person because of it!!

~Melissa

Good for you! Like so many have said here, only one person benefits from this and the other ends up feeling hurt and worthless at times. If what you want is a committed relationship then you shouldn't settle for anything else just for the sake of hoping to get close to someone.

agreed .. and you have feelings. He, at this point doesn't. Not the ones you have. The only 'hurting' person will be you.

I hate to say it this way but you have become a convenience and time filler for him.


Walk away. If he ever does have feelings he'll figure it out once you're gone never too late to rethink on his side.

Good for you, girl ... I knew this post would come one day! I hope you'll see the warning signs and hit the dusty trail EARLY if this new guy doesn't tow the line - NO SETTLING FOR SCRAPS, ya hear me?!

*gives Missy permission to come back and lecture her if she posts that she's not heeding her own advice! *

Sorry didn't see the new post .. good for you!!!!

Although I commend you for moving forward and starting a new relationship, I can't help but think that you are continuing to have contact with him as if you are still looking for that little shred of hope that he will change his mind.


Let him go completely. Don't go to his house, don't answer his calls. You may think it's okay because you were friends, but that friendship ended the minute you got emotionally in over your head with him. You will never move forward completely if you don't let go of him completely. I know it will be hard to do, but sometimes we have to make sacrifices in order to better ourselves.