Well it's diffinitily been awhile. It suck losing your computer. Anyway I'm back now hopefully for good. Well my daughters dad IS A LOSER as if I didn't already know that but he is now $1000 behind on child support. I am not as lonely anymore but its not the guy in Mineral Wells either. I'm living with a man I've known for 3 yrs. So he does know about my kids and their conditions which helps. What doesn't help is my family hasn't all met him yet. I'm sure they'll like him though.

We all wish you good luck in your relationship, and if you are happy I bet your family will be too!

Hopefully he will turn out to be a good partner for you on all levels. Hopefully you have a lease and some of the paperwork officially worked out if you are not going to have the protections of marriage. Be smart and don't co-mingle your funds or credit. If this guy is your caregiver you need to give him a limited Power of Attorney to do what you decide you need him to do in the event of an emergency. File a guardianship and will for each child. Write and Advanced Directive and a Durable Power of Attorney with who ever you want to make critical decisions about your welfare. In some states "shacking up" compromises your rights.

Thanks for the input but yes thats all worked out My youngest sister gets both my kids if anything should happen to me. Lord willing I will be around long enough to see them both grow up. Also he (Manuel) is 54 and I'm 35. So I'm not all that worried about if we break up.

my sister's situation is very simular. She has two sons and the oldest is 7, and has adhd. he has spent 3/4 of his life in institutions and hospitals and such. she actually blames his father (who is not around and doesn't pay support) due to abuse when she was together with him and her son was an infant. I want to send you my best wishes in your new relationship and in life. the only advice I could give is "never give up" as a single parent myself I know this is sometimes hard (especially late at night) put remember you have family, and friends here if you need them.

I knw exactly what you mean about not wanting to seperate the child from the parent if it can be helped. I had to argue with the judge (I have sole custody, legal and physical) to put it in writing that their mother had the right to spuervised visitation, in case, heaven forbid, something happens to me. he did not want her having that, on the basis of I couild choose wether she saw them or not.
Well, three years later and I am in the process of getting that changed to an order of no contact. She doesnt pay her support, even though it is disgustingly minimal (88 dollars a month combined for two boys, and she takes home over 1600 a month), she can never be bothered to visit except when it is convenient for her (in other words when it has been several months and she has ntohing else to do). The last place i lived was a trailer park, and she and her boyfriend would drive through it at speeds exceeding 60 miles an hour if not higher (car would completely leave the ground when it hit a speed bump).

She takes dance lessons regularly, has two cars, even though she can not work (fully disabled), lives in an $800 per month house.

Sorry for the rant. My point here, is sometimes you HAVE to seperate the children from their parent even if you dont want to. My youngest has been diagnosed with adhd, and ocd (obsessive compulsion), and he is starting to show the symptoms for odd (oppositional defiance). I can not put him in child care cause he is getting too violent with younger children (he is six).

his mothers behavior, or lack thereof, is doing nothing but harm him, and make it harder for him to cope. So I had to choose that same choice of trying to keep them together, or seperate them. And I have what used to be close friends, who think I am dead wrong in everythign to do with this, and that I am a monster for even thinking about it.

Sorry ranting again. Anyway, chin up, and do whats best for you and your children, even if it is the hardest thing you can imagine having to do. In the end, it will all work out and everthing will be worth it.

Listen to this man. He makes sense.

Sounds like a real dead beat mother. Where do you fit into the picture. Are you the dad to the kids or what? To me sounds like you really do have your hands full if the one is 6 and acting out like that. Have you thought about councilling for both kids? It may help and it may not, but its worth a try. Before separating them and putting them through that trauma. As far as my situation its on paper if my sister can't handle both kids one of my other sisters or my brother will take one of them. Anyway you look at it they might be separated in who's taking care of them but they wont be separated outside the family.

At the risk of sounding like I am dogging on you when you are probably trying to live within your means like me; living in a trailer might be some of your child's behavior problems. Trailers especially older ones are nortorious for playing hell with allergys.

It bites your Ex is getting to beat the system on seemingly all counts but let it go that you are not saddled supporting her too.

Check into your states abandonment laws you may not have to fight her if you just lay low. Prosibility it is her casemanager telling her to come by to maintain her rights. You could have an off the record extreamly polite conversation with them, if you know who they are, about best interest of the child with documentation in hand. THey can not say one word to you but they can hear what you have to say and see what you have to back up what you are saying. Don't go empty handed. Low cost solution, and worth a shot, no guarantees.

I offered my Ex an deal. Sign over your rights and pay for the proceeding and I am not going to force you to pay child support and impoverish you by pursueing your share of the catestrophic medical expenses. If you don't I am going to get you court ordered into every IEP meeting, every medical consult for parents, every parenting class I can find, and you are going to be co-defendant in any proceeding where I am libal for any damage or crime he commits;ie assault. I would send an itemized bill of your child's outstanding medical expenses and ask when is a good date for her to have a modification hearing to start paying her share. You can sweeten the deal by reminding her that if she stays put it is a simple thing for your child to find her when he is of age, might want to see her, and no longer a financial liability to her. My guess is she will take the offer and run like mine did. My son is ok with what I did. He has limited contact now but daddy-not-dearest is same old cat.

As far as the speeding in the trailer court... that is the landlord's problem. Unless they evict you as an attractive nusciance. If you can document it by visiting the community affairs officer at your local police department and have a cop hit her with a radar gun she, or at least the driver, will definitely go to jail and the car will be impounded. Since most cops don't think highly of non-custodial parent's antics, especially where a handicapped child could die being run over, you might find one willing to do it off duty in his own car. A little harder for her to get away with than looking like a geiving mother just driving by a marked car. Anybody who has a video feed on their phone and will loan it to you for a while will help you make your allegations to the police. Sorry police work on facts and hear a lot of he said she said. The down side of this it could be twisted as an attempt to "see" the child. Make all visitation appointments; everyone she flunks is one more nail in her coffin.

Keep in mind you are entitled to EVERY resource a woman is entitled from the anti-stalker laws and use them. Just because she is disabled does not make her harmless.

Sorry one more thing. If you (or any parent of a special needs kid heck kids in general) are renting you want to run not walk to your nearest Habitat program and get on their list to be built a home. Sounds like you might be a life-long custodial parent and they have experience in building homes for just this kind of situation. Best of luck.

Everything you have said is all true and very good advise, and I dont hold any of it against you However, in my case I have already done every single thin g you had to suggest, lol. And the speeding issue in the par IS documented on a police blotter, with 10 witnesses, one of which was the county supervisor (whom they almost hit with the car as well); the police even locatedd them at home in order to look into the issue, so even though no charges were pressed (no evidence other than hearsay) it HAS been documented on offical paperwork and everything.

For the lady hwo asked about counseling and such, yes the six year old is in counseling, and has been for over two years now. I have done everything I can to make visitation conducive for her and for them, the only time I have turned her away from a scheduled visit is when she brought her boyfriend to my house.

So, once I get my 12 or 14k form the va one of the things I am doing, besides getting land of my own and putting a trailer on it (credit is too bad for hosue, and that nips habitat as well, cause you still have to pay the mortgage on the house), is getting a decent lawyer to represent the children for higher support and to cancel her visitation.

I am a single parent too, it is stressful, but you have to keep your head up, try and take time for yourself, do little things, look into respite programs, drop off activities for the kids, so you can get a little time here and there to yourself, I just started doing that on the advice of my nephew's social worker, and it helps, 15 mintues here and there in a tanning bed, get my nails done every two weeks, try and get my hair done, once in a while, and try to date, when I can. Just to remember we are woman and also mom's , smile more....it is hard but it helps

Actually poor credit will not necessarily shoot you down with Habitat. I have actually seen people get on the list clean up their act and eventually get the draw to get a house built.

What USUALLY happens is they are assisted in bringing any substandard rental houseing they are living in up to par or referred to an more affordable option until they can get something better. Moving to subsidized houseing is an excellent way to build a down payment and rebuild your credit. No one at Habitat makes you do anything IT is ALL about OPTIONS.

Over half of the people accepted into our chapter program actually get independent funding to BUY , sometimes with significant grants (gift monies) to get into adequate houseing that they are safe, happy, and can build equity in to move up to their one day dream home. Being in the process you are often given information about resources that allow you to stand on your own. Job referals are not uncommon at all from other supporters of Habitat. I am talking about GREAT jobs too. Employers like scartch that LOVE people who are willing to put a little SWEAT into getting a hand up NOT an hand out.

You are right you will get a morgage for a home that you have to pay but I promise you that you will NOT, I repeat Not, be put into anything over your head or that you do not say you want. The only thing I have seen that would give me pause is that some of the property that Habitat gets is in older neighborhoods and people sometimes want to take THEIR equity, it is important this is your house from the moment they hand you the keys, and move on. Because these homes almost always have significant instant equity even in the lousy houseing market of to day they resell fast.

Sometimes people overload their budget and loose the "move up" home and desperately want to come back and Habitat is a once in a lifetime opportunity. More and more chapters are requireing applicants to get credit counseling but so far I haven't seen any buy back clauses which in and of itself is not a bad deal.

The ONLY down side is three things...

With home ownership comes the scabs of the world like fleas on a dog. (SOrry fido no offense intended.) Sometimes this is friends, and sometimes this is family, sometimes this is the criminal element that never bothered with you before. You got to be smart and keep what is yours for you and your kids. Habitat doesn't have the time to babysit you. You let someone turn you out of your home you loose.

Because these houses come with instant equity peoples credit rateing soars. Every credit card company in the world will give you a card. Sometimes people bury themselves. A second morgage is a short rope to hang yourself and some houses do get repo'd on seconds.

Last, and this is getting rare, I have seen chapters work with people who messed around about not making their morgage payments on the house Habitat built too long and when they finally went under from not paying their morgage not even landlords would rent to them. Come on someone builds you a house with no down payment donates appliances, carpet, some chapters even furnish the houses and you screw off an don't make a submarket morgage payment? IMHO They deserve to be in the street.

Please Please do NOT listen to third hand gossip about past or current criteria's. It is free Free free to participate in the process and even if you are denied keep applying as your situation changes. Not everyone gets a home on their first attempt but I have seen people get it on subsequent tries.

May all your dreams come true.

Thanks for the info on Habitat. I'm fortunate I have a house but by no means what so ever am I ready to move in. I honestly can live right where I am for the next 20 yrs paying rent and it wouldn't hurt my feelings. Yes as you might be thinking I will inhert the house when my dad passes away. I really don't have that many problems with my kids and their challenges\disabilities. My problem is getting my daughters dad to pay his child support. Granted it is high but it's based on what his income was. I say was because I found out he quit his job because they wanted to do a drug test. Well that right there calls him guilty on drug charges to me. Later I was told he quit to avoid paying child support. There again hello he's gonna have to go back to work to pay his other bills and the cs will still be there. Built up to where he really will be paying out the ass.

Well he's pushing jail time Here let me cry in his beer I'm to happy to cry

Oh so he's doing time for no child support. One dead beat down. Now to get the rest

No He's on the run from the law though. Drug charges damn he had to mess with me lol Mess with the wrong woman you're gonna get burned

Well baby's daddy is really on my $*** list. $1250 behind and he didn't even call for her b-day. Tell ya how screwed up this is my boyfriends brother called to wish her Happy B-day but her own sperm donor daddy didn't.