Community > Dating & Relationships

Previous 1 2 3 4 Next

Topic: What is the nicest way to let someone know you're not intere
Messerschmitts Joined Fri 03/21/08 Posts: 80	Mon 04/28/08 06:57 PM
So I've been talking to this girl online recently. I've VERY flattered that she took the courage to message me, and she seems really sweet, and I think we have a lot in common. The problem is, the more I look at her pictures, the more I realise there's probably no way I can make myself physically attracted to her in a romantic or sexual way. I know it's a harsh thing to say, and physical attraction isn't everything, but it's an important component that has to be there. Because she's very nice, I tried to convince myself that maybe there's a way, but now I've come to terms with the fact that I don't think I could "make" myself physically attracted to her. :-( It seems that telling someone, "I'm just not attracted to you physically" is a really mean and hurtful thing to say. It destroys their self-esteem. I know I wouldn't like it. But lying to them and saying, "I'm just too busy right now" could come back to bite you in the ass when 3 months from now she sees that you're in a relationship. Continuing to keep her dangling, and keeping her hopes up seems also unconscionable, and wastes both of our time. Do I "owe" her a first date? Would it be easier or nicer to reject her after giving her a "chance"? Or would it be more morally wrong to have made her go out on that date, even though you've already written her off in your mind? I know many would say, "pictures can lie both ways", but I've seen plenty of pictures of her, and I'm quite certain she's not my type. :-( I guess this bothers me very much because she is a very nice and sweet girl, and I wish I didn't have to hurt her feelings.

Tankk Joined Tue 03/11/08 Posts: 1450	Mon 04/28/08 06:57 PM
Sorry, I'm not interested.

Thomas27 Joined Sun 10/21/07 Posts: 4860	Mon 04/28/08 06:59 PM
Get you mom to do it

MirrorMirror Joined Fri 10/26/07 Posts: 89680	Mon 04/28/08 07:01 PM
tell her you want to be friends

bgeorge Joined Fri 09/14/07 Posts: 7850	Mon 04/28/08 07:02 PM
i'll do it...it won't be pretty but send me her link

Messerschmitts Joined Fri 03/21/08 Posts: 80	Mon 04/28/08 07:03 PM
i'll do it...it won't be pretty but send me her link Um...ha ha I will decline that offer. :-p

nurseaide1 Joined Tue 04/22/08 Posts: 3	Mon 04/28/08 07:03 PM
i would just tell her "hey i like talking to you but i don't im interested in a romantic relationship with you". If you still want to be her friend let her know that .There is no use in letting her think there could be something there when there isn't a chance.I hope this helps.

Flirtyvirgo Joined Tue 12/11/07 Posts: 1937	Mon 04/28/08 07:03 PM
i'll do it...it won't be pretty but send me her link

ltlone43 Joined Sat 04/26/08 Posts: 82	Mon 04/28/08 07:04 PM
Whatever you decide to do, think about how you would like to be told by someone that they don't find you sexually interest or interested at all for that matter. Take a moment to think how you may react and how you would feel. Maybe you will consider giving it a chance. Is one date going to kill you? YOu never know, you may be surprised, but you can at least say you gave it a try. Hopefully, that will answer your questions.

Flirtyvirgo Joined Tue 12/11/07 Posts: 1937	Mon 04/28/08 07:04 PM
Sometimes the truth hurts

Poetrywriter Joined Sun 10/14/07 Posts: 22675	Mon 04/28/08 07:05 PM
As hurtful as it may seem at the moment, honesty is always the best route to take! She will respect you more for that than telling her otherwise. Oweing her a first date and then rejecting her is a bad idea. That would destroy her confidence for sure. You may not want to use the "I am just not attracted to you physically" thing, but you can say that without using those words. You could say "I respect you and you are a wonderful girl, but I am not attracted to you in the way you want me to be. I am sorry!" That is better than saying it the other way.

symbelmyne Joined Mon 01/14/08 Posts: 5356	Mon 04/28/08 07:05 PM
dont wait till your wedding night to tell her you're not physically attracted to her...

Lily0923 Joined Sun 12/02/07 Posts: 20429	Mon 04/28/08 07:06 PM
Well I guess you just told me then huh??

bgeorge Joined Fri 09/14/07 Posts: 7850	Mon 04/28/08 07:06 PM
i'll do it...it won't be pretty but send me her link Um...ha ha I will decline that offer. :-p oh come on...i fired 2 people today and made one i didn't fire cry...i'm good at this stuff

No1sLove Joined Wed 04/16/08 Posts: 10342	Mon 04/28/08 07:07 PM
Why don't you just be her friend for a while and if you ever meet in person, then you will know?

Duffy Joined Sat 10/07/06 Posts: 3775	Mon 04/28/08 07:07 PM
u better think this one through. just exactly how far along r u in this thing? to back out now? well, better now than never...... and to say u r just not attracted to her....why not just stick the knife in her and twist it a little. try not replying so much. say u went on a date.....u have been remodelling your house...walking the dog... ur old gf moved to town.... u r taking a class and met a lovely woman your own age.... u think u r pregnant.

Messerschmitts Joined Fri 03/21/08 Posts: 80	Mon 04/28/08 07:07 PM
Well I guess you just told me then huh?? What?! Ha ha, don't listen to her, she's not the girl I'm talking about, I've never met her before! :-p

Lkn4SmthnNew Joined Fri 04/25/08 Posts: 10	Mon 04/28/08 07:07 PM
why's it ok for guyz to reject the nice gurls but if a gurl does it to hte guys its automatically cuz we're shallow or conceited..u kno that whole stereotypicl S* that the good gurls want da bad guys. n the bad guys are only FRENDS?? n then us gurls are the bad ones? its rather silly ithink. but .. jus tel lthe honey strait up that she donst amke ur * go up. jus be honest. the worst thing ucan do is gie her sum cheesy line or lie..

Vegasman27 Joined Tue 07/03/07 Posts: 261	Mon 04/28/08 07:08 PM
i'd like to know what she look's like's since i try any girl at lest once So I've been talking to this girl online recently. I've VERY flattered that she took the courage to message me, and she seems really sweet, and I think we have a lot in common. The problem is, the more I look at her pictures, the more I realise there's probably no way I can make myself physically attracted to her in a romantic or sexual way. I know it's a harsh thing to say, and physical attraction isn't everything, but it's an important component that has to be there. Because she's very nice, I tried to convince myself that maybe there's a way, but now I've come to terms with the fact that I don't think I could "make" myself physically attracted to her. :-( It seems that telling someone, "I'm just not attracted to you physically" is a really mean and hurtful thing to say. It destroys their self-esteem. I know I wouldn't like it. But lying to them and saying, "I'm just too busy right now" could come back to bite you in the ass when 3 months from now she sees that you're in a relationship. Continuing to keep her dangling, and keeping her hopes up seems also unconscionable, and wastes both of our time. Do I "owe" her a first date? Would it be easier or nicer to reject her after giving her a "chance"? Or would it be more morally wrong to have made her go out on that date, even though you've already written her off in your mind? I know many would say, "pictures can lie both ways", but I've seen plenty of pictures of her, and I'm quite certain she's not my type. :-( I guess this bothers me very much because she is a very nice and sweet girl, and I wish I didn't have to hurt her feelings.

Lily0923 Joined Sun 12/02/07 Posts: 20429	Mon 04/28/08 07:11 PM
Well I guess you just told me then huh?? What?! Ha ha, don't listen to her, she's not the girl I'm talking about, I've never met her before! :-p Is it Duffy?