I see this question posted all of the time in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back really hard, you might vaguely remember a platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the other guy that you were screwing treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you denied having any romantic feelings for him, and told everyone that you were "just friends." Besides, he absolutely was not your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you weren't dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive platonic friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open, or make dinners just because, or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset, or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

The fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, and only if they are lucky.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab a hold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So please, either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've really screwed up. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bull**** and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't want you, at least not now.

Sincerely,

Jimmy F

An Actual Nice Guy

I make decent money too, but I don't seem to keep any of it. Raising a child by myself; putting myself through college, moving around a few times; it all took a toll. So although I have a good job, I don't have cash to dazzle the gigolos with. And although I try to take good care of my health, I don't have a body to dazzle the older guys with. All I am left with is a great mind and an amazing heart.

Nobody wants that kind of thing.

Sez You! WRONG!

Right. That's why all the guys hit on me.

you are wise AND beautiful.

A goddess, indeed.