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| Topic: WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THE NICE GUYS | |
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I see this question posted all of the time in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out. What happened to all the nice guys? The answer is simple: you did. See, if you think back really hard, you might vaguely remember a platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the other guy that you were screwing treated you. At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you denied having any romantic feelings for him, and told everyone that you were "just friends." Besides, he absolutely was not your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease. Eventually, your platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you weren't dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?" Well, once again, you did. You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive platonic friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open, or make dinners just because, or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset, or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be. The fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, and only if they are lucky. So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do: 1.) Build a time machine. 2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass. 3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab a hold of it. I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you. If you were five years younger. So please, either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've really screwed up. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bull**** and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't want you, at least not now. Sincerely, Jimmy F An Actual Nice Guy That goes both ways you know. |
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All this proves is that you can copy and paste.I have seen it before. Guess what -you have to be more than nice.You have to be smart and interesting and fun. And if you chose to behave badly now, blame it on yourself- not the girls you went to high school with. Grow the hell up. Hiker, I used to feel pretty much the same way. But one thing I've learned -- over and over and over -- is that the girls on dating sites simply are not looking for "smart" or "interesting." They don't want a "challenge" or even a "partner." They're looking for a guy who buys into every traditional conformist brainwashese platitude out there, a guy who either comes with a steering wheel or has a place to put one. The guy who is smart and interesting doesn't stand a chance in a venue like this unless some girl thinks she can domesticate him. WRONG!!!!!! Your mileage may vary. Nonetheless, that has been my repeated experience in ten years of using dating sites. Intelligence and being interesting are NOT assets in this sort of environment. I think they're assets. ....IF the female suitor has chosen to nibble on your line based upon the PICTURE ON YOUR PROFILE. Your face is the gatekeeper. ... sad , but true |
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WHAT'S UP RUSH?
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i'm a nice guy & still waiting on that special lady to be with me   It will happen.
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What happened to all the nice guys? The answer is simple: you did. Is it just me or does the answer not go with the question? 
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Nothing ,Clean.
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I see this question posted all of the time in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out. What happened to all the nice guys? The answer is simple: you did. See, if you think back really hard, you might vaguely remember a platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the other guy that you were screwing treated you. At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you denied having any romantic feelings for him, and told everyone that you were "just friends." Besides, he absolutely was not your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease. Eventually, your platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you weren't dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?" Well, once again, you did. You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive platonic friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open, or make dinners just because, or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset, or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be. The fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, and only if they are lucky. So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do: 1.) Build a time machine. 2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass. 3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab a hold of it. I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you. If you were five years younger. So please, either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've really screwed up. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bull**** and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't want you, at least not now. Sincerely, Jimmy F An Actual Nice Guy You can't say that about everyone who hasn't found a nice guy. In highschool, I was a nerd, and only the "friend" to all the guys. So if I go back on a time machine... I'll just find guys who want to be my friend. But now, I found a really nice guy. So I'm all set ^^ But I was lucky. |
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What happened to all the nice guys? The answer is simple: you did. Is it just me or does the answer not go with the question? I think the answer goes with the question -- it's just that the answer is overly simplistic and too much of an overgeneralization. Blanket statements, by definition, don't allow for exceptions, and there are going to be exceptions in a case like this. Not every woman is the spitting image of the self-absorbed demon depicted here. |
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What happened to all the nice guys? The answer is simple: you did. Is it just me or does the answer not go with the question? I think the answer goes with the question -- it's just that the answer is overly simplistic and too much of an overgeneralization. Blanket statements, by definition, don't allow for exceptions, and there are going to be exceptions in a case like this. Not every woman is the spitting image of the self-absorbed demon depicted here. Agreed. I just mean you can't answer "What happened to all the nice guys?" with "You did" That doesn't make sense, lol |
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i use the litter box!!!  |
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I can't believe something happened on this site which made me stop and ponder.
The last time I was forced to use my mind on here was when I was crafting my catchy screen name. 
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Ok, i promised myself i would abstain from these forums, but i had to comment on this one.
To the ladies: This is true for most of you. Most..not all..of you have had a friend in the pass that went above and beyond for you. But he just wasn't your type. But i also have to add i think it is more age-specif though. When you are in highschool, the pressure is to be with the popular, mysterious, or jock types. It is a social no-no to be with the nerd(aka nice guy) But he was your lab partner, homework buddy or something else that you could use him for. He knew he didn't have a chance but he puts himself out on a limb on the off chance. But as woman mature(and most due but not all) they realize that they actually want a lasting relationship and the qualities that can make that happen. I place the blame not on woman but on our society in general. We no longer value the things that truly matter. We value money, power, and social status...all of which can change in the blinking on an eye. To the men: It is your fault as well, i have been in that situation only to find out later that the girl i was 'friends' with had a crush on me but i was too much of a wimp to make a move. Beleive it or not guys if the woman is friends with you...and not just using you like mentioned above..their is a reason. It means there is something about you that she finds attractive, wether it's your intelligence, or personality or something else. She may even like you, but you sit there thinking "we'll just always be friends" make a move already..if it works great...if not well at least you can say you tried. I wish i would have had more courage when i was younger to make the move, because years later i found out most of my females friends had a thing for me. So just go for it! |
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Simple really, the nice guys were too nice. They were more a burden than a positive note, like a wall clinger that was always clinging to a specific person. Made happiness out of that person, that person was the number one person in their life...fail.
I'm not here to down the nice guy persona, but in all actuality most nice guys were more of a burden. Think about it: If constantly you had someone telling you positive things, always hanging around you and giving positive feedback you would either A: Take it with grace, and learn down the road that only the one person thought that way of you; or B: Leave it be as a simple nice comment made by one guy time after time again, annoyance. Nice guys are good, I see myself as a nice guy but have since given up the nice guy direction of telling people constantly the positive aspects about them not because I don't truly believe in these positive aspects but moreso because I may be the only one that see's them thus putting someone in a place where they are not at all comfortable being. |
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 CHOCOLATE ANYONE?
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its a bit sad reay ..the men i ended up choosing werent the tall handsome types but just regular guys..i still ended up getting hurt, beaten up etc..in the end i took a break..ive met a guy now and hes a nice..and cares...i dont believe in the bad guy nice guy thing..i believe in the individual...you can go out with a guy or There's a real difference between kindness and niceness. Asside from that, a real friend will tell you when you're messing up, and sometimes, if it's bad enough, not in a nice way. I picked up a book that I hadn't read in nearly 2 decades, where I had highlighted myself in it. I believed myself to be one of those nice guys, and yet, the highlighted sections were not so nice, in fact, murderous. Thankfully, a couple decades of growth had passed. The axiom of any relationship is that we're drawn to our own level of health, or lack thereof. In a weird way, that I've moved on from my 3 year marriage might actually be a sign of growth, in that I'm not willing to settle for someone who's not capable of maintaining a marriage, my own character defects not withstanding. |
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All this proves is that you can copy and paste.I have seen it before. Guess what -you have to be more than nice.You have to be smart and interesting and fun. And if you chose to behave badly now, blame it on yourself- not the girls you went to high school with. Grow the hell up. Hiker, I used to feel pretty much the same way. But one thing I've learned -- over and over and over -- is that the girls on dating sites simply are not looking for "smart" or "interesting." They don't want a "challenge" or even a "partner." They're looking for a guy who buys into every traditional conformist brainwashese platitude out there, a guy who either comes with a steering wheel or has a place to put one. The guy who is smart and interesting doesn't stand a chance in a venue like this unless some girl thinks she can domesticate him. WRONG!!!!!! Your mileage may vary. Nonetheless, that has been my repeated experience in ten years of using dating sites. Intelligence and being interesting are NOT assets in this sort of environment. I'll agree with you there Lexy Lexy, but it goes both ways...and all of these "nice" guys want the model women without a brain in their head...so as they can fill the plastic mold with their own bullsh*t and have a stepford wife. I'm no model by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm no slouch either.... and ALL guys who say "I want a strong independant woman" don't say "If she agees with me ALL the time" So all these "nice" guys need to get their heads out of their azzes, and see we don't want them because. 1. They are wishy washy. 2. They are weak, and the first sign of any trouble and they are hiding like a child from the monster in their closet. 3. They don't or can't form an opinion of their own. 4. They are too "nice" to hurt anyone's feelings, even when someone hurts us. The list could go on an on... My suggestion is...to all of you self proclaimed "nice" guys...GROW A PAIR.... Mine are so big, like many other women we wear ours on our chest. **steps off soap box** |
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A ****ING MEN. I totally agree with this. And i don't care who hates me for this, or who gives a flying **** or not. put the gun down.!!!!!
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CHOCOLATE ANYONE? I want some choclate!
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Shshshh after I stopped laughing at this so called version what happen to the nice guy. shshsh
First of all why did he not so called clean up and get a decent job till he realized she was not going to look his way? Hummmm  maybe just maybe if he had done it before and bucked up and acted like a man instead a tag along puppy dog he would not have been treated as just a friend instead she would have seen the true person within. shshs Yeah women do want a nice guy but hell she wants a Man too one that can make choices on his own free will. One that can take charge of life and run with it. She does not want a puppy dog to lap at her heels. Instead she wants someone that has a mind of his own and knows how to use it. She does not want a Man that will abuse her or yell at her but one that will speak his mind and can show his feelings for another. She does not want a Man to be all mushy and gushy. But to at least have a heart and does not mind showing his feelings even if it is only when they are alone. A woman wants a man that is true with his feelings and it is her he thinks about as being true to his heart. No matter how many women is after him he knows within his heart the one that truly loves him and he stays true to that love. So if you have never been that man to the T then that is why she left you where you are standing. Humm ...............yes this does go both ways for most Men want just the same things a Woman wants and that goes in many more ways then one. Women are just as bad as Men are in lots of ways. But regardless if there is no chemistry between two people it will never work. It does not matter if rich or tall, skinny or short there has to be something between the two involved. Those that blame others for things not working out in life is only fooling themselves!! It takes two to tango as it takes two to make a relationship work. If it is one sided it is doomed from the start. This is one Womans point of view in my own words not paste and copied. You see until one learns to speak for themselves they will never understand what another truly wants. 
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It's true. Nice guys finish last, and women are attracted to assholes...
...But I'll never stop being a nice guy. |
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