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Topic: Should he be allowed to see the baby unsupervised?
Dragonl0ve Joined Thu 10/25/07 Posts: 193	Mon 04/14/08 01:20 PM
Ok, this is a little long. I will try my best not to drift either. I am recently out of a very short term relationship with a friend of the family. We dated for three months. Well, I was stupid and trusted something he said, now I am pregnant. I already have a six year old (by another man). We split up and things were amicable enough until..... he asked me if I was going to give the baby his last name. Big fat NO!! I was of course much nicer about it to him. I explained to him that we are not married and not even dating. I am the one who will have to get up every night with the baby, miss work if he is sick, explain to him why dad is not there, etc etc. Another issue I have is that if he is to see the baby I feel it must be supervised or at my home with me present. Here are my reasons..... He is a convicted felon, has a drinking problem, has a sexual problem (and I mean that he needs to have counseling), cannot handle a six year old without drinking, thinks it is ok to leave a child unattended for 2 hours alone in the house, has depression issues, and has never had any children of his own. I honestly fear for the baby's life if he gets him alone. He could get totally stressed and shake the baby and kill him!! He knows NOTHING about children. It may seem I am stretching the truth or that I am crazy for even dating him. I probably am. I had no idea of any of these issues until recently. I broke it off immediately. What should I do? I am thinking get an attorney. I don't want to deny him seeing his child, I just think it should be strictly monitored.

MirrorMirror Joined Fri 10/26/07 Posts: 89680	Mon 04/14/08 01:22 PM
he's screwed

Maudred Joined Mon 07/23/07 Posts: 842	Mon 04/14/08 01:23 PM
Ok, this is a little long. I will try my best not to drift either. I am recently out of a very short term relationship with a friend of the family. We dated for three months. Well, I was stupid and trusted something he said, now I am pregnant. I already have a six year old (by another man). We split up and things were amicable enough until..... he asked me if I was going to give the baby his last name. Big fat NO!! I was of course much nicer about it to him. I explained to him that we are not married and not even dating. I am the one who will have to get up every night with the baby, miss work if he is sick, explain to him why dad is not there, etc etc. Another issue I have is that if he is to see the baby I feel it must be supervised or at my home with me present. Here are my reasons..... He is a convicted felon, has a drinking problem, has a sexual problem (and I mean that he needs to have counseling), cannot handle a six year old without drinking, thinks it is ok to leave a child unattended for 2 hours alone in the house, has depression issues, and has never had any children of his own. I honestly fear for the baby's life if he gets him alone. He could get totally stressed and shake the baby and kill him!! He knows NOTHING about children. It may seem I am stretching the truth or that I am crazy for even dating him. I probably am. I had no idea of any of these issues until recently. I broke it off immediately. What should I do? I am thinking get an attorney. I don't want to deny him seeing his child, I just think it should be strictly monitored. And you had sex with him...why? lol, A guy like this can get laid, but a good wage earning, cop in training nice guy like me cant even get people to respond to my emails. lols

Queene123 Joined Tue 06/26/07 Posts: 17056	Mon 04/14/08 01:23 PM Edited by Queene123 on Mon 04/14/08 01:25 PM
your so right it should be monitored sense he has a record you never know what would happen.. i wouldnt trust him and no dont give the child his last name a friend of mine did this.. she went to legal aid and got legal custody just in case the kids father tried to take them.

Rathil_Thads Joined Thu 03/27/08 Posts: 2260	Mon 04/14/08 01:24 PM
Here's the thing. My personal opinion says you are right and he shouldn't be allowed unsupervised visits. Legally unless you do get an attorney, Even though you aren't married he is the babys biological father so he would get unsupervised time unless you contest it. So my advice would be talk to a lawyer.

ddn122 Joined Mon 11/05/07 Posts: 12855	Mon 04/14/08 01:24 PM
possibly, you should be "strictly monitored"

Winx Joined Fri 08/31/07 Posts: 39051	Mon 04/14/08 01:25 PM
The state's family services can set up supervised visitation at their facilities. My opinion - I wouldn't want him to have unsupervised visitation of my child. Also, if you have him visit the child in your home, this will not sit well with future men in your life.

Maudred Joined Mon 07/23/07 Posts: 842	Mon 04/14/08 01:25 PM
Here's the thing. My personal opinion says you are right and he shouldn't be allowed unsupervised visits. Legally unless you do get an attorney, Even though you aren't married he is the babys biological father so he would get unsupervised time unless you contest it. So my advice would be talk to a lawyer. A judge would see his sexual issues and laugh at him for even asking that the baby have his last name.

Rathil_Thads Joined Thu 03/27/08 Posts: 2260	Mon 04/14/08 01:27 PM
Here's the thing. My personal opinion says you are right and he shouldn't be allowed unsupervised visits. Legally unless you do get an attorney, Even though you aren't married he is the babys biological father so he would get unsupervised time unless you contest it. So my advice would be talk to a lawyer. A judge would see his sexual issues and laugh at him for even asking that the baby have his last name. Oh I agree, Not saying that wouldn't happen if she took him to court over it. I am just saying that unless she takes that step and contests it that his parental rights let him get unsupervised visitation if he pursues it.

TxsGal3333 Joined Tue 09/05/06 Posts: 76392	Mon 04/14/08 01:27 PM
Well in the first place unless he goes to court he has no rights what so ever. You can put on the birth cert. father unknown not much he can do about it unless he gets an attorney and goes to court for a DNA test. Well I would ask what you were doing with such a man but looks like you will live with that the rest of your life. But now if you want to put him down as the father ect. it still has to go to court before he actually has visitation rights then along will go child support. If and when that happens all you have to do is request that his visits are supervised the courts will set it up. My sisters ex had to go to a place that was set up were he could see his son with others around it was a place the courts set up where others are around to watch them and to step in if needed.

Rathil_Thads Joined Thu 03/27/08 Posts: 2260	Mon 04/14/08 01:29 PM
Well in the first place unless he goes to court he has no rights what so ever. You can put on the birth cert. father unknown not much he can do about it unless he gets an attorney and goes to court for a DNA test. Well I would ask what you were doing with such a man but looks like you will live with that the rest of your life. But now if you want to put him down as the father ect. it still has to go to court before he actually has visitation rights then along will go child support. If and when that happens all you have to do is request that his visits are supervised the courts will set it up. My sisters ex had to go to a place that was set up were he could see his son with others around it was a place the courts set up where others are around to watch them and to step in if needed. I don't really know if lying on the birth certificate is really the way to go about handling things. The thing is that they both know that this is their child. Noone is denying that. She can't just say father unknown because she doesn't like the guy. It's still a legal document.

Maudred Joined Mon 07/23/07 Posts: 842	Mon 04/14/08 01:29 PM
Here's the thing. My personal opinion says you are right and he shouldn't be allowed unsupervised visits. Legally unless you do get an attorney, Even though you aren't married he is the babys biological father so he would get unsupervised time unless you contest it. So my advice would be talk to a lawyer. A judge would see his sexual issues and laugh at him for even asking that the baby have his last name. Oh I agree, Not saying that wouldn't happen if she took him to court over it. I am just saying that unless she takes that step and contests it that his parental rights let him get unsupervised visitation if he pursues it. I see a lot of this, You SHOULD not even allow supervised visits untill he cleans up his issue. No judge would even allow it if he tried to pursue.

itsmetina Joined Sun 12/09/07 Posts: 18944	Mon 04/14/08 01:30 PM
i think you should let just tell him no he can't see the child if he's really that bad.let him get a lawyer for visitation.

LIJOMA Joined Wed 01/09/08 Posts: 2591	Mon 04/14/08 01:30 PM
U are so young I hate to hear this for you. Get yourself an attorney. If at all possible, DO NOT go through the state child support, or legal aid office. They have thousands of cases and most likely your will not be any more of importance than the other thousands on their desk, and your case does need immediate attention... Call around, ask around and see if you can find an attorney who would be willing to help you on this situation, because that is what it is going to take.

Winx Joined Fri 08/31/07 Posts: 39051	Mon 04/14/08 01:31 PM
Well in the first place unless he goes to court he has no rights what so ever. You can put on the birth cert. father unknown not much he can do about it unless he gets an attorney and goes to court for a DNA test. Well I would ask what you were doing with such a man but looks like you will live with that the rest of your life. But now if you want to put him down as the father ect. it still has to go to court before he actually has visitation rights then along will go child support. If and when that happens all you have to do is request that his visits are supervised the courts will set it up. My sisters ex had to go to a place that was set up were he could see his son with others around it was a place the courts set up where others are around to watch them and to step in if needed. In my state, if the father is not there at the time of birth, they will not put him on the birth certificate. Otherwise, you could put anybody's name on the certificate.

LIJOMA Joined Wed 01/09/08 Posts: 2591	Mon 04/14/08 01:34 PM
Well in the first place unless he goes to court he has no rights what so ever. You can put on the birth cert. father unknown not much he can do about it unless he gets an attorney and goes to court for a DNA test. Well I would ask what you were doing with such a man but looks like you will live with that the rest of your life. But now if you want to put him down as the father ect. it still has to go to court before he actually has visitation rights then along will go child support. If and when that happens all you have to do is request that his visits are supervised the courts will set it up. My sisters ex had to go to a place that was set up were he could see his son with others around it was a place the courts set up where others are around to watch them and to step in if needed. I don't really know if lying on the birth certificate is really the way to go about handling things. The thing is that they both know that this is their child. Noone is denying that. She can't just say father unknown because she doesn't like the guy. It's still a legal document. You would be surprised all who do!!! So that they-mothers dont have to put child support on the fathers. If a mother receives food stamps, medicaid for her or the children, AFDC, any kind of government assistance, it is required by law that they turn over the father's information, and some dont want to do that to them for whatever reasons. Stupid if you ask me, but it happens everyday all day long...

Dragonl0ve Joined Thu 10/25/07 Posts: 193	Mon 04/14/08 01:34 PM
He started out as a good guy. It quickly became apparent that I should watch him carefully. I was very careful when he was around my other child. I tried getting him to go get help. Finally realized that we needed to part ways. I am not really worried about him getting custody. I own my own home, have lived here for five years. had a stable job for two years, and the previous one was seven years. My daughter is a wonderful student is a private local school. I have always had full custody of her. Her father and I are very amicable and even borderline friends. He sees her a couple times a month. My ex on the other hand, has not lived in one place for more than a year, he has a history of drinking, is divorced, hasn't paid taxes in five years, has not held a job for more than a year.... plus all the other things. I cannot believe how much I didn't see. I try to see the best in people and believe in them. There really is no excuse. I made a mistake but I will not allow it to be taken out on the baby. I love my daughter and am quickly falling in love with the baby inside me.

ddn122 Joined Mon 11/05/07 Posts: 12855	Mon 04/14/08 01:34 PM
Denying a child its father ..... a good choice ???? This may be the impetus for the father to become a man...

LIJOMA Joined Wed 01/09/08 Posts: 2591	Mon 04/14/08 01:37 PM
Well in the first place unless he goes to court he has no rights what so ever. You can put on the birth cert. father unknown not much he can do about it unless he gets an attorney and goes to court for a DNA test. Well I would ask what you were doing with such a man but looks like you will live with that the rest of your life. But now if you want to put him down as the father ect. it still has to go to court before he actually has visitation rights then along will go child support. If and when that happens all you have to do is request that his visits are supervised the courts will set it up. My sisters ex had to go to a place that was set up were he could see his son with others around it was a place the courts set up where others are around to watch them and to step in if needed. In my state, if the father is not there at the time of birth, they will not put him on the birth certificate. Otherwise, you could put anybody's name on the certificate. Today, in Mississippi, the father of the child has to be present at the hospital and sign the birth certificate. The mother cannot just say, oh john smith is the father and put his name on there. The father has to physically be there and sign it at the hospital. Now back when I had my son in 95, I do not know who is father is, so there is no name on the fathers part of his birth certificate, just my information and my sons information.

Winx Joined Fri 08/31/07 Posts: 39051	Mon 04/14/08 01:37 PM Edited by Winx on Mon 04/14/08 01:38 PM
Denying a child its father ..... a good choice ???? This may be the impetus for the father to become a man... We're talking about supervised visitation.