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| Topic: Is there really such thing | |
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i don't see how me teaching him right from wrong benefits me at all. I don't see how it doesnt?? good reply, no evidence of anything. how does it? i'm not gaining anything here. i have responcibility towards teaching him, thats not a benefit. maybe we need to look at what a benefit is here..... |
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I think the question is not how they feel when they're dying for something. They're taking the risk because of their expactation of the warm fuzzy feeling to come ... The question is about the motivation of doing something. I think no act is selfless on the second sight. But many people want us to believe.
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Edited by
azrae1l
on
Wed 04/02/08 01:43 PM
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ben·e·fit Audio Help /ˈbɛnəfɪt/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[ben-uh-fit] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, -fit·ed, -fit·ing.
–noun 1. something that is advantageous or good; an advantage: He explained the benefits of public ownership of the postal system. 2. a payment or gift, as one made to help someone or given by a benefit society, insurance company, or public agency: The company offers its employees a pension plan, free health insurance, and other benefits. 3. a theatrical performance or other public entertainment to raise money for a charitable organization or cause. 4. Archaic. an act of kindness; good deed; benefaction. –verb (used with object) 5. to do good to; be of service to: a health program to benefit everyone. –verb (used without object) 6. to derive benefit or advantage; profit; make improvement: He has never benefited from all that experience. —Idiom 7. for someone's benefit, so as to produce a desired effect in another's mind: He wasn't really angry; that was just an act for his girlfriend's benefit. ok now with that out of the way. how does my son having the right to know his mother and make his own decisions relate to me gaining in anything? 1. i have no advantage over him nor her for doing so.... 2. i get no payment or gift from either for doing this... 3. i'm not performing in public or in a theatrical production... 4. i'm serving no act of kindness nor good deed towards myself by doing so... 5. i'm not doing good or being of service to myself... 6. i'm receiving no advantage, profit or improvement to myself... 7. i'm producing any desired effect in my mind by doing so... yeah i see no benefits for myself here, i see benefits for him and for her. i'm not getting any. you say there are no selfless acts or people who do the right thing simply cuz it's the right thing to do regardless of how they feel about it. i show you at least one. i don't feel good about myself for doing it, i certainly get no satisfaction from it. no benefit at all, it just is simply the right thing to do. |
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i really wanna know how i'm benefiting..... cuz you know your doin right by your son.. believe it or not your showin him how to be a real man! Or MAYBE I stress maybe you are so angry you are trying to make her look even worse by being the "bigger" person. THen it wouldn't seem so selfless. The good thing is it ends up that way because nothing hurts a child like someone hateing the parent so much that they down them which indirectly is downing half of what a child sees themself as. A child will find some glimmer of something good in both parents if given a chance. If nothing more that they brought them into the world. In your case that may be your Ex's saving grace. hmmm.. well put |
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Or MAYBE I stress maybe you are so angry you are trying to make her look even worse by being the "bigger" person. THen it wouldn't seem so selfless. The good thing is it ends up that way because nothing hurts a child like someone hateing the parent so much that they down them which indirectly is downing half of what a child sees themself as. A child will find some glimmer of something good in both parents if given a chance. If nothing more that they brought them into the world. In your case that may be your Ex's saving grace. hmmm.. well put First of all... how can you assume he is "downing" the mother simply because he is encouraging open visitation on her end with no parental obligations required? Do any of you know the age of said child...? You assume way too much. I can only say... Huh? |
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and to be honest... i never once said the word benefit
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Edited by
me2g
on
Wed 04/02/08 01:55 PM
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ben·e·fit Audio Help /ˈbɛnəfɪt/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[ben-uh-fit] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, -fit·ed, -fit·ing. –noun 1. something that is advantageous or good; an advantage: He explained the benefits of public ownership of the postal system. 2. a payment or gift, as one made to help someone or given by a benefit society, insurance company, or public agency: The company offers its employees a pension plan, free health insurance, and other benefits. 3. a theatrical performance or other public entertainment to raise money for a charitable organization or cause. 4. Archaic. an act of kindness; good deed; benefaction. –verb (used with object) 5. to do good to; be of service to: a health program to benefit everyone. –verb (used without object) 6. to derive benefit or advantage; profit; make improvement: He has never benefited from all that experience. —Idiom 7. for someone's benefit, so as to produce a desired effect in another's mind: He wasn't really angry; that was just an act for his girlfriend's benefit. ok now with that out of the way. how does my son having the right to know his mother and make his own decisions relate to me gaining in anything? 1. i have no advantage over him nor her for doing so.... 2. i get no payment or gift from either for doing this... 3. i'm not performing in public or in a theatrical production... 4. i'm serving no act of kindness nor good deed towards myself by doing so... 5. i'm not doing good or being of service to myself... 6. i'm receiving no advantage, profit or improvement to myself... 7. i'm producing any desired effect in my mind by doing so... yeah i see no benefits for myself here, i see benefits for him and for her. i'm not getting any. you say there are no selfless acts or people who do the right thing simply cuz it's the right thing to do regardless of how they feel about it. i show you at least one. i don't feel good about myself for doing it, i certainly get no satisfaction from it. no benefit at all, it just is simply the right thing to do. so if what you say is right and you hate doing it so bad... i'd say the latter part of #6 that you stated above "improvement to myself..." isnt that making you a bigger man? I guess we could argue this point all day. and Lilith I wasnt agreeing with the quote.. it was just a good point.. I dont know any of the circumstances.. |
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you said selfless act, meaning an act with no benefit to the one performing the act.
so in order to show a selfless act you must show no benefit in any way that person. |
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it doesn't make me feel like a bigger man, actually quite the opposite. i feel like all i'm doing is causing harm because i know that is the eventual outcome to him. i do it because it's his right to know her, not my right to take that away even though i know whats going to happen.
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you know we could sit here and argue this all day. you wanted a selfless act, i'm giving you one. if you choose to see it that way i guess i can't really help that.
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Well when I have sat up all night with a friend that was in need of someone to talk to or when I have sent a gift to a child I never meet just because he was going into surgery and I wanted him to have something small enough for him to hold. I did both on the spur of the moment not because of what I gained from it but because it felt the right thing to do. I don't expect anything back. At times it has to do with just making a difference in life and bringing a smile to someones face is far more than you can ask for.
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selfless acts happen all the time and if you happen to get a warm fuzzy feeling as a side bar great because most acts of kindness are passed on but i don't think people conciously think"i need warm fuzzies"cause to get those all i need is a cup of cocoa.
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Is there REALLY such a thing as a selfless act? I mean think about this... even the most innocent, thoughtful, caring, giving gestures are done for some sort of personal gain.. even if it is just that warm fuzzy feeling.. self gratification. 
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A selfless act...(true story that is unfolding as I write this)
An acquaintance of mine, who happens to be a 58 year old lady that I only just recently got to know, crashed and totalled her car late last week. The first time we met, it was so I could take her to the pharmacy to pick up her prescription and to get some sundries and groceries. Today, I stopped at a used car lot after work to see if there were any decent cars to replace her totaled one. Tomorrow after work, I will be stopping to collect a bunch of local magazines that are selling cars and dropping them off to her. Then I'm driving her to a doctor appointment. I have only met this woman once before, we barely know each other. Doing all of this doesn't give me a warm fuzzy feeling, in fact, it's a PIMA, but this woman is almost alone in the world, her parents are long gone and she has no brothers or sisters, only some friends who have families and lives to lead during the week. I don't do it because I expect anything in return. I don't do it out of pity. I don't do it for self gratification. I do it because I can. I do it because she is a PERSON who can use a hand up and a friend right now. I do it because it's the HUMAN thing to do. |
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Well, a soldier dying for his country, a policeman dying helping someone.....they kind of miss out on the warm fuzzy feeling... |
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I absolutely think that there are selfless acts of kindness. I see kindness in people every day. Not everyone that does something for some other person is expecting a gratuity or special recognition. Whats's wrong with helping someone out and feeling good about it?
I teach my kids to be good people. To help when help is needed. Perhaps someone that needs help is to afraid to ask but would love someone to help out? I think there are a lot of very cynical and jaded people in the world today. Someone that is always looking for the motivation behind a good act. When in reality. Not all good deeds have a hidden motivation or secret agenda. .. jmho |
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