I know the feeling, just divorced earlier this year and we didn't even think we were heading in that direction until last December. I just remind myself, why I didn't want to be married to her anymore and that makes me feel better.

And as others say, get out and do stuff, especially if there was things you like to do but she wouldn't approve. I'll take my motorcycle down to a local bike night pub and engage in conversations with other riders. I signed up on FB, which I was forbidden to do when I was married, but she was a member on every social site (for work, she said). On FB, I reunited with a lot of high school friends, male and females, that takes me back to the good old times of high school. And some of us, even make plans to meet for dinner and drinks. And all of this in just a few short months of finalizing the divorce.

Halloween will be normal, me sitting outside passing out candy to the little kids. Thanksgiving and Christmas will be tough, due to just being divorced. But I figure, cook a bunch of food (yes guys can cook too) and see who shows up.

I never fell into the social trap at work either. I've been told I'm not a team player, etc. But when review time comes around, I boost of my accomplishments, which normally is more than those that put in what I call "Face Time". To me "Face Time" what those folks that socialized all day, then did their real work towards the end of the day which caused them to work late. And of course, those were the ones that got the raises and bonuses. Because they put in 45-50 hours a week, but again, 15 or better of those hours were just hanging around talking to others.

So document your accomplishments and don't get caught up in the social aspects.

Makes me think, cable tv, 500 channels and still can't find something to watch. Same way with online dating, lots of sites, ton of folks and still can't find someone to date.

Sounds like you need what is called an ice breaker, something to say to him to get a response. So next time you see him at the movie house and right as he hands you your popcorn, say to him "We need to quit meeting like this because folks are thinking we are a couple". Then see what kind of reaction you get from him. If it's cold or silence, then no foul, watch the movie, enjoy your popcorn and move on to the next guy. If it laughs or comments back then see if you can keep the dialog going, unless he is too busy.

I should have seen the red signs, but I really wanted to be in love and love was blind in my case.

I would like to find out what issues my ex is dealing with mentally. Like I've mentioned in other post, she drove a wedge between me and my family/friends. Wanted me to make sure she was on all my assets, which most I had prior to knowing her. Couldn't get out of bed to walk down the hall to her office to make phone calls for work. Couldn't get out of bed on the weekends. Fought with me, when I wanted to go do things with my friends, because I can't sit around a house days on ends. Then would interrupt my sleeping with phone calls and texting all night long, while in the same bed, when she knew I had to go to work the next day.

And what healthy young 40 year old, loses interest in sex? At least with me she did. I felt like I was walking on eggs around her, never knowing what I might say or do to set off another episode.

All I can say it is not my problem anymore. Thank the Lord for answering my prayers.

I'm sure it will come out at some point, that my ex is bi-polar as well. Didn't take much to set her off, and every fight we ever had in the past was brought up in the current argument. I'm a very laid back guy and it takes a lot to get me mad, but if I do get to the red zone it isn't pretty. And that's what was the final straw. One last argument, push me to the breaking point and I was done being married to her. She had two weeks to pack her stuff, move out and I saw the attorney the week after she moved out. She kept telling me she loved me, but you don't treat someone you love like that.

You can't be rational with someone dealing with depression and a narcissistic mentality.

Local for sure. Need the cuddle time.

I too use to fear rejection, but then figure out, one this person isn't willing to take the time to know me. Or two, might already be in a relationship, end of story. Because if this person is in a relationship and is true to his mate, then that is the kind of guy you want too. Would you want a guy that leaves his mate in pursuit of another?

I'm sure its no secrete that if a woman wants to manipulate a man into providing for her, then giving him great and frequent sex is a tool in her arsenal. Especially, if she knows the guys last relationship turned sexless or such.

I should have called her first husband for the scoop, would have save me time and money and I could be in a long-term loving relationship now. Instead of divorced and hanging around dating sites.

I never new the term Narcissistic before, but hearing that now from a few divorced friends on how their spouses behavior falls into this category.

I could offer more advice, if I know more about the situation. Is this someone you see at his place of work? Do you know his name? Dressing sexy is going to send the wrong message, if you really want a relationship with this guy. And guys don't mind if a woman breaks the ice, maybe he knows your situation (widow) and respects that you might not be ready to move on. So hard to answer without knowing a lot of factors. And I do know women in your same situation and how frustrating it can be to date or not.

that's A really good picture typical men now do a woman what should men look for?

My ex.

She knew the right questions to ask right off, car, career, house, all of which I had. Then the hot sex, day after day, night after night, so I was hooked. Then the dividers appeared. She fought with my family, made them feel unwelcomed, telling me its their fault, but I now realize she was the one that started the sh.t with them. Then she chased away every female friend I had since high school. Again, I didn't know the signs, but she had terrible relationship with her family. Her mom was a drug addict and so is her son. I didn't even meet her mom until after we were already married.

Then she started withholding sex, when I wouldn't transfer assets into her name. I said, my kids come first, and that she would be taken care of if something happened to me first. But that backfired on her, because withholding sex from me, isn't going to make me do something I don't want too in the first place. Of course, she promised she would take care of my adult children if something happened, but I wised up by that point. So if she wasn't going to take care of my needs, I wasn't going to take care of hers. First, pay for your son's insurance and car. Why was it my responsibility to pay his bills so he could sit around and smoke pot everyday. Then the insurance for her cars, then their health insurance, etc. So didn't take her long to realize the well was dry with me, so off to her next victim.

I agree about the camming, met a woman and via emails, seemed we had a lot in common, so we skyped, but every time, she was laying in bed, saying that was her favorite thing to do, and it just brought back too many memories of my ex that couldn't get out of bed on the weekends and do stuff with me. So I lost interest very quickly.

Funny, now the topic has changed to spanking and away from the original question. But here in the states, there are very few folks, that I would say has high morals and can get away with it. If your a politician, no way, because you'll say anything just to win the vote. If you're a sports plays, again, no way, because you are taught winning is everything. Finance, again, how can you keep a straight face, loaning out money to folks you know can't pay it back. And preachers, they have to be the worse, begging for money from their congregation, so they can live in mansions and have nice material items.

And we have plenty of folks with low morals. How about the ones that can work, but instead prefer to get handouts from the government instead? My favorite hardware store is next to the county family services building and to see the "underprivileged" going in and out of that building makes me sick. I feel like yelling over to them, to go get a job and pay your taxes like everyone else.

Yes, especially the older you get.

I was going to say the same thing, it just isn't a man thing, my ex destroyed what was a perfect marriage in the beginning. Of course, she destroyed her first marriage as well, from what I'm hearing now. Shame, someone should warn the guy she is with now, but let him learn the hard way like I did.

It boils down to how people handle wanting out of a relationship differently. Some won't leave until they have found someone else to be with, others don't want to be the ones to call it quits, so they make your life miserable so that you do it (my first wife). And others can man up and say this relationship isn't going the direction I thought and let's end it sooner than later (me). I didn't have another person to lean on for support, like she did. I just knew it was time to move on.

I agree, don't know how you fall in love with someone over messages and emails. I need to be with someone in person to know if love is in the air.

I can't date or be in a relationship with a smoker again. When you bury your younger brother who smoked, it shows how bad that habit really is. Both my ex's smoked, but the first one quit pretty much the entire time we were married, but started up again, right about the same time she started cheating on me.

The last ex, promised she would quit when she moved into my house, then again when we got married, then again when she was dealing with health issue, but she didn't. Of course, she made a lot of promises to me, that she didn't keep, although I kept all of mine, except the one "till death do us apart".