Hello. Ok so I am just getting back into the dating world after a 20 year marriage. I dont know the etiquette anymore. I have a few questions. First one is to the men. Is it ok for a woman to ask you out?
To the women..how would you go anout asking a man his name and if he is single. Would you ask a man out and if so how would you go about doing it.
Men..how do you think a woman should approach this?
I have admired this man from afar for a few months. Never really spoke but he wears no ring and is hypnotizing with his eyes. If I wait for him to make the first move I could wait forever. Just wanna see if there could be a chance. But oh so scared of rejection. Ok .. Thank you for any feed back.

you can say hello to most men we don't bite ,not all of us. only German men I think are wary if woman makes first move.

First off, as you probably already know all men are a little different in how they approach women, just as how women are different in how they react.
As for your question about asking how to approach the man, try to start up a conversation with him, maybe ask him a question or two. It could be possible that he is the type of guy that is too shy to make the first move or is psyching himself out of approaching you. Asking his name is simple after you can get him talking some. After talking with him you should beable to determine based on the things he asks you if he is single or not.
In this day and age, a woman asking a man out first is still seen as taboo but, in my opinion, it shouldn't be. I personally see women as equals to men in all aspects of life and as such I feel that they too should be able to persure a man that they are interested in.

I hope this helps atleast a little.

There isn't any, really.
Nothing standardized.
Just whatever works for you.


Why wouldn't it be?

Are you "really" asking "will I be more successful if I make the first move?" or "do men expect women to ask them out?" or "am I going to be judged 'bad' if I ask a guy out?"

Sometimes/sometimes not, some guys do/some don't, some guys will/some guys won't.


I think she should approach "this" (new to dating? asking a guy out?) according to what she's comfortable with.


Why?
Do you fear losing something that doesn't even exist?
Do you see rejection and failure as the same thing?
Rejection is just choosing a philips head screwdriver over the flat head because it's compatible and feels right to the job.
Failure is applying a philips head screwdriver and it breaking, changing, losing it, from what it was before.

If you're rejected nothing changes.
What do you have now? Your normal life.
What do you have if he rejects you? Your normal life.
What changed? Nothing. Your life is still normal. You've lost nothing.
You just keep looking for the right screwdriver.

Today, women are equal to men.
or so i was raised.
you may ask a guy out.


If you do not make a move, nobody else will.
Especially if that guy is attracting you, but not making a move for months - he might very well not have any interest.
Drag him into a conversation, and observe how you feel when you are close to him. How he acts - are you the only one starting the conversations, time and time again? How does he act colse to you - does he back away? what does his body language say?


concerning your profile:
As long as you miss your husband, not go out.
No man wants to be a potential Boyfriend and hear "i miss my Husband" - not in the morning, not during the day, not at night.
Nobody wants to be "the guy i met after my beloved husband died".
That is a huge Red flag in my book. It might be for him too.
I strongly recommend you wait till the pain has gone.
and then wait 6 more months.

Good luck.

Sweetheart, the men, even the so-called shy ones, love to do the chasing, no matter what men or anyone else tells you. Biology and Evolution 101. It's not rocket science. If he was interested in you, he would have asked by now. Try to wear something enticing to get his attention. If that fails to work, move on. Never chase a man. He will consider you desperate and needy and you will put him off.

^^^ I wish more women I know followed this advice, especially when he has stated that he is in a relationship and is looking for a woman here for friendship only. Hint hint I cannot make this any clearer. Self-respect ladies. Never throw yourself on a man. It's desperate and embarrassing.

Nice strategy, jaan

I could offer more advice, if I know more about the situation. Is this someone you see at his place of work? Do you know his name? Dressing sexy is going to send the wrong message, if you really want a relationship with this guy. And guys don't mind if a woman breaks the ice, maybe he knows your situation (widow) and respects that you might not be ready to move on. So hard to answer without knowing a lot of factors. And I do know women in your same situation and how frustrating it can be to date or not.

it's fine to ask a man out, well it is in my opinion anyway.

go ahead and ask him, if you get rejected then i guess it's better than never asking and not ever knowing if it would have happened

good luck

I too use to fear rejection, but then figure out, one this person isn't willing to take the time to know me. Or two, might already be in a relationship, end of story. Because if this person is in a relationship and is true to his mate, then that is the kind of guy you want too. Would you want a guy that leaves his mate in pursuit of another?

but if she does not ask him, she can maintain the illusion, the dream...?

hehe

Be straight forward. Closed mouths don't get fed ma'am.

Ask me out, and then I'll expect flowers on the first date, for you to open my door, for you to pay for the dinner and a movie and expect to not get even a peck on the cheek when you take me home. Dem there is the rules.

Or ... you could just say "Wanna join me for a cup of coffee?" and see where it goes. It's not really a date as people have coffee all the time.

Honestly in this day and age, how about asking him as you are talking if he would like to grab a cup of coffee, less stressful and then you can chat with him a bit more. He may be all that of eye candy but since you haven't really chatted with him you don't know if the inside is any good


Yes... I would ask a man out and I have...First of all I am more of a coffee person or inviting said man to some gathering I am either having or going to very casual event, I am one that hates high pressure dates.
If I do the asking I expect to pay for everything. If it was someone I was really interested in, I would make casual conversation about something we have in common or ask him a question I really want to know the answer too. For example if he is reading a book I am interested in I might ask him if he has read any of the author's other books and be prepared to discuss them.



[color=blue Honestly you have been oogling this guy for months and haven't even said hello? Why???? So basically you don't know anything about him to even really honestly know if you want a chance all because he has great eyes. GF... wake up and live in the real world.. Take that chance to at least talk to him to see if he sounds as good as he looks.

Rejection is all part of life,when it happens and it is going to happen time and time again. We get up and brush ourselves off and try again.

I personally would go with the Coffee approach after a bit of chit chat..
And something tells me he knows you are interested..

As to putting missing your husband on your profile I have to agree, there are better ways to word that. And yet I totally understand what you mean. .
best wishes..

I disagree almost completely with the "men like to do the chasing, so don't take the lead" beliefs.

Mainly because it's always been a TON more complicated than that oversimplification.

I think the real core thing to recognize is that males, heck, probably everyone, wants to be respected and desired for themselves. Thus, it's almost never WHAT you do that matters, so much as it is HOW you go about doing it.

Even the most old-fashioned, knuckle-dragging, machismo-evincing male on the planet will respond positively to a woman who makes the first move in the right way.

In my case, just as a very minor example, if a woman acts like a GUY when she deals with me, I'm unlikely to respond as though she's not a guy. I've actually experienced the classic rude reversal of a woman (at least apparently so) acting like a drunken biker, making extravagant aggressive sexual statements while making it clear she was interested in me for sex. It was just as disgusting and boorish as all the women I've known, described the same behavior from males.

But a woman who comports herself respectfully and makes her interest clear in a direct but feminine manner, is likely to be received much more positively.

Absolutely.... Hmmm missed the comment about the chase..
Chase I always thought it was more like a dance... That we both know eventually we both shall enjoy.

What do I know different strokes for different folks...

While I don't think asking a guy out is a really great move,because the tradition is still not widely accepted and may make him wonder why you are so "desperate", but it IS widely accepted for you to open a conversation.

That can lead to offering your name or point of contact. It can be as easy as asking if a guy knows a local car shop, or local Mom and Pop sandwich place, or park. Maybe you have all this information but if you offer your Mingle2.com screen name and ask him to email you the information you have broken the ice without coming on too strong or giving information you might wish later you did not share. Like phone numbers that TOO OFTEN get "drunk dialed" if they think you are kind of "easy".

You maybe could care less about sports or the latest topic of interest to men but if you read a few magazines, surf the web you can at least ask some conversation generating questions and give a shy man a topic to respond to without saying something that will get him in trouble. Which more of them than most women realize are concerned about. Especially if they are out and about in work uniforms or work settings or around where someone could hassle them.

wish I was the man. still single without a woman of my own