I read your initial post, and after you said that she was coming after a bad relationship, I needed to read no further. Anything you were thinking of (beyond friendship) was likely doomed from the onset. Your wanting a relationship with her was analogous to asking a recent plane crash survivor to fly again.

There are better fish in the sea. Apparently she is not mature enough to tell you, even though you completely misunderstood her signals. Common decency would have told her to at least tell you that she was not interested in the same way you were. Knowing that you care for her, it would seem childish on her part to just completely cut you off. In cases when I could not return affections towards me (the i.e. I was not interested), I at least kept the women as friends. Unless you were reaching the stalker/creepy category (which is possible), It makes no sense to burn your bridges.

If I were you, I'd delete EVERYTHING regarding this woman. She has already shown you that she doesn't want to see you - ever. he used you for a purpose (which is over now), and it is terrible that someone like you had to be ensnared by her. She's not mature/stable enough to be in a relationship right now. If she wants to talk to you she has your number and she'll call (but I doubt it). She is not worth your time and effort. Good luck!

Thanks Pacificstar48. I'll keep what you said in mind. Some points though.

a) I have already told her I was coming to her area and we do want to meet each other. There are several ways and even possibilities of my being there. I told her, and early on too. We're going to met as friends, I would want it to be that way. I won't go overboard until well after I see her. She already knows how I am as a person. I'd never tell her something if I wasn't going to do it, and since she's the same way, I have no problem there.

b) By default I have to think of her as a friend. Whether it is a budding romance it is very hard to tell. You are right on there. It's made even worse that we far from each other (if we were in each other's locales, we would have met already).

c) Our communications have not been one-way (if they were, there would be a problem). We usually both have our status as "away" on AIM (mainly to keep other people from IMing us), she sends me messages sometimes to see if I'm there, sometimes I do. She told me that only her close friends and family could IM her while she's "away". She told me that she likes talking to me, and I have told her how much of a pleasure it is talking with her too. This is not a situation where I'm contacting every minute and she responds once to keep my interest, or vice versa.

You point about the phone number is well taken, which is why I wasn't going to ask her immediately for it. She's going to be out of the country again in little more than a month (I'm not including ), and this is a very busy time of the year for her. Frankly she has all the opportunity to blow me off. But when she's not going to be available, she'll tell me beforehand. I do the same. Thanks to those "creeps" she met before, she's not too privy to give out ANY info, e-mail, AIM, or otherwise.

As for my intentions, we met via a DATING site, so by default I would have to be interested in her. I have been upfront with her and we even talked about what we're looking for someone (again, we have the same criteria). I mean we've both been burned before in romance, so we have to trust each other. Thankfully, there's no pretense and I'm pretty ok about this. Unfortunately some people act weirdly if you just tell them outright, and even if you have a lot in common, you have to tread lightly. If she wants to remain friends, its not the end of the world. With her history, 'll have t take my time with her, not because I like the pace, but for her tho throw out her pre-conceived notions.

Thanks for your reply, for I do appreciate it. . Any more advice would be appreciated as well.

letting go is hard by default, its only more painful when you now it's over.

Also, we've already talked about that too. I mean, she wants to meet me, and I want to met her. Then again, you never know.

More advice would be appreciated.

I was thinking of that, she has one, and I was going to get one (I guess I'd have to now). I was planing to meet her as friends (it would be kind of awkward otherwise). I was pretty much planning to do what you said, my fear was that I'd just be another friend (or even a good friend). But I assume giving her my number would answer that question, no?

No pressure - I like the approach. I'll try it. Thanks for your response too, I really do appreciate it.

More responses would be welcomed too.

true, I kind of figured June because considering that she'll be gone in April (again out of the country), and I won't be available until June. If what you mean is to basically keep doing what I'm doing, I'll have no problem doing that. If it's anything more I'm clueless. It's not like she's around where could discern quickly. (I mean outside of telling her at some point, I profess "total ignorance"). Even then, I wasn't going to go along that route until I had met her in person. I so want to avoid the "just a friend" status.


Thanks for your response (I'm also happy that my thread was where you first posted :) ).

More advice will be appreciated. I'd love to get different perspectives too.

I was thinking along those lines myself. I wanted to do that, but by the time the idea came up, she was preparing for her trip (so I found it pointless to do it then). Either way, she won't be back until next month - she's out of the country. Thanks for your advice (I love the quick response too).

Any more advice would be greatly appreciated.

I'm just wondering. I'm new to this whole online thing. I found the forums here quite useful. I'd like to get some advice on my situation.

I met this woman online and we liked each other's profiles. Eventually she gave me her AIM screenname (she said that she was more available on AIM), her e-mail (because it would be easier for me to contact her when she wasn't on AIM - and she'd respond quicker), and her Facebook page (yes, we became Facebook friends) We would chat online every day (if not every other day) - sometimes at work, but more often at night for hours (usually until the early morning). We'd talk about everything, and she's quite funny (at least I could make her laugh in return :) ). I found out we have a LOT in common. Generally, we're the same (personality, etc.). We love the same sports, hobbies, teams, for the most part. She's basically a younger version of me (I'm 26, she's 23). We've been talking for almost a month.

I do have two big problems: a) we're separated by a long distance (which kind of cuts down the opportunities to see each other, considering our schedules), and b) she's had a previous history of meeting "creeps" online (she usually keeps her status on "away" on AIM - although she IMs me and responds to my messages). I could deal with the first one. But the second puts me in a bind. Not only do I have to meet her standards, but I also have to avoid becoming one of those "creeps". I may have passed the "creep" test (by her admission - she told me that she was glad I wasn't one), but it would not be fun to "snatch defeat from the jaws of victory". It's like I'm walking a fine line.

I'll be in her area by June, so I figured I'd get her number around then (and call her for logistics, and to talk of course). I was wondering. Is there anything I'm doing wrong? Would I be too forward by asking for her digits and calling sooner? Is there anything else I need to be worried about? I also want to avoid being "just a friend", I'm interested in more with her. But is there anything more I could do at this point until I actually see her? Bear with me (I know my questions are puerile). But then again, I'm new to this for I've never done online, nor a long-distance like this before.

Any suggestions? Anyone's advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading this.

It depends. I mean, I'd be lying if I said that it doesn't matter. I do have standards (in terms of looks), but for the right person, are definitely relaxed. Even then, she has to be minimally attractive.

Its definitely possible. I met this woman online, and we hit it off really quickly. we talk to each other almost every day (via IM). But I would be crazy to think that we have something without meeting face to face. until I meet this person, I'm keeping myself in check.

So yes its possible, but you have to meet in person.

wow, that was quick

you might want to get that fixed. I mean you don't want to attract the wrong person.

I agree, but that depends.

I guess stay positive and you'll find somebody.

hang in there bro do the math

there's like 300 million people in this country
about half are the opposite gender (down to 150 million)
about 18 percent of that is between the 20-30 range (down to 27 million)

factor in things like ethnicity, religion, and other things (music, likes, etc) and you have a LOT of people.

In summary, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Go out there and get yours.

Ditto. I could not say it better yourself.

did, and it just refreshes. and not only doe sit clear my previous convo, but I don't get any no replies

yeah, I want to know too I was getting no IMs, it keeps telling me that I should click, but nothing would appear.