what a pubie hair sounds like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ptu

why australians don't do well at the olympics,,,,too many sheepless nights

all men came from apes except for the welsh ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,they come from wales

the fastest way to get a nun pregnant;,,,,,dress her up like an altarboy.

a gynecologist with tunnel-vision.

the new sales slogan for tampax; "we're no longer #1, but we're still up there"

calling a gay dentist toothfairy.

If you tried to fail and succeeded, did you fail?

calling the bouncer in a gay bar - flamethrower

a glass-bottomed golfcart

finding out that you don't add water to babypowder.

how about the connotations of post grape-nuts??

giving an archeologist a tampon and asking which period it comes from?

giving a tampon with bells & tinsel hanging of it, tell her its for the holiday period.

giving her the best 4 minutes of her life.

quitting a nude play 'cause you have a small part.

having to quit tapdancing because you keep falling in the sink.

doing a laser show for captain & tenille "muskrat love"

kicking a handi-capped person out of one of our parking spaces, 'cause they have their own.

telling people that your ex is so nice, she would give you the hair off her back.

pouring a beer over your hand, so you can get your date drunk.

dying my ex-wifes hair gray while she was sleeping.
(its easy guys, just use halloween hairspray. Spray one half of her head, poke her in the rib, say move over. When she rolls over, spray that half. remember to say something suitable when she wakes up, say something like "you look so old, you probably fart dust." Be dressed and ready to go by the time that she looks in the mirror. (it washes out, no harm)

a fly is passing by 2 pieces of dung and sees another fly sitting on one of them, he lands and says "pardon me, but is this stool taken?"

An elephant crosses paths with his first naked man and laughs "ha-ha, how do you breathe through that thing?"

jeffrey dahmer's mother is at his place for dinner & starts saying that she doesn't like his friends, he says "you should try the salad."

An abbot & a monk are out in cannibal territory when they are captured. The cannibals grab the monk & throw him in the cooking pot, they come to grab the abbot & he starts screaming "you can't boil me - I'm a friar!"

burning bagels & wearing designer jeans on the neighbors lawn, tell them that you're the klu klux klein.

putting your arm across somebody's shoulder and asking what's the difference between an @sshole & a hemorroid,,,,answer; you can't put your arm around a hemmoroid.

dreaming that you're drinking the world's biggest margarita and waking up to find your toilet rimmed with salt.

100 blind lesbians in a fish market (gods gonna get me)

the pope going to mount olive and popeye beating him up.

growling at well wishers "don't tell ME what kind of day to have"

asking the clerk about anti-pursperent and when they ask if you want the ball kind, saying "no I want the under-arm kind"

sprinkling sweet n low out on the restaurant table, chopping it in lines and when the waitress asks what you are doing, tell her that its diet coke.

Hey Karmafury, Thank you for your input on this topic. I think that you possibly are the only one who has come up with positive suggestions, to some bad situations. Insanity, is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. The thought of changing the rules of engagement is great. I totally agree, but who calls the shots? How many of us have said "ya, I know those are the rules but this is different"? Its easy to say "no exceptions", but even then its not practical because someone has to run the administration of such a force. The power is always going to be concentrated in the hands of a few. Which few and who's going to be left out? Just playing "devils advocate" there, because I still think that you had the intelligence to say "somethings wrong" and come up with some sort of solution, you should continue working on it....

Other awful jokes that I couldn't help laughing at;

what to do when an epileptic is having a fit in your swimmingpool,,,,throw in your laundry.

why Helen Kellar (the deaf, blind woman) couldn't drive a car, she was a woman.

why wheelchair athletes don't do hurdles, they're too hard on their forheads.

the hardest part of eating a vegetable,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
getting it out of the wheelchair.

a termite with bad teeth walks into a saloon and asks "Is the bar tender here?"

Jesus walks into a hotel and places 3 nails on the counter, asks "can you put me up for the night?"

A 99yr. old lady wants to commit suicide and asks her dr. what is the most sure way. The dr. says shoot yourself in the heart. the old lady doesn't remember where it is and asks. The dr told her "two inches below the left nipple" So the poor dear went home and shot herself in the knee.

bravery is the ability to do the right thing, no matter what the consequences.

Blockades weren't put up as an act of war, they were put up as an act of protection. Do you lock your doors at night or when you go away? Just use your head and realize whats what. I understand that its ha-ard but. You would not invite a killer into your house, neither should they have to. If you understood the situation over there, you would know that its just a family squabble thats lasted for thousands of years. For pete's sake, don't be dim. Nobody likes the situation over there, but all I see from you is complaining and no solution. A solution needs to be acceptable by all.

whats it supposed to be; you go back home so we can bomb you in peace? One of the taglines from the 60's was "fighting for peace is like f*cking for virginity

You know what really irks me? I'm not even american, and I'm not even "pro-american". I'm north-american. There are many times that I am against the american govt. for their policies or actions (Iraq being one of them), I am also honest and pro-people. If you want others to quit swinging at you, you must first quit swinging at them. THATS only common sense.

You may be amused, but does that mean that you will give our land back? Or are you just one of them meaningless blowhards? It takes intelligence & a sense of honor to feel an insult. Believe me, the only insult that I see here, is you. Try sticking to your scruples, are you moving yet? Put your money where your mouth is. I don't recall anybody giving the land to you, how about you just get quiet or live up to what you say.

If I may suggest, I don't know how to do the links, how about "shaving cream"?

so, the real question fanta; are you an american or are you one of those people who condone using woman & children as weapons? If they feel so strongly about it, why don't they put the jackets on themselves? Cowards hiding behind the woman & children thats why.

by the way fanta, would you be palestinian by any chance? Have you been complaining about all them rockets that those poor palestinians have been sending over the past years?? Do you complain about the women & children that they send as suicide bombers? When they stop killing their own people, then come & sympathize. I'm frankly tired of hearing them cry about the losses, when they are inflicting them upon theirselves. You find it easy to judge those who disagree with you, you tell them to go find another country well if you don't like the way things are done, why don't YOU go to another country. Stop being part of the problem, become part of the solution.