An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation
ensues:

Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many
children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up
two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with
each of them three times."

Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"

Man: "What sins?"

Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"

Man: "I'm Jewish."

Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"

Man: "I'm 92 years old .... I'm telling everybody”

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for
company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and
asked, "Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor
creature?"

Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an
animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and
there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the
creature."

Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya 'think $5,000 is enough
to donate to them for the service?"

Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya
tell me the dog was Catholic?

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was
sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're
beautiful."

Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that before,
so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open
and he said, "You're cute."

The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was now
"cute."

She asked, "What happened to beautiful?"

The man replied, "The drugs are wearing off."

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I
almost had an affair with another woman."

The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The Irishman says, "Well,
we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped." The priest
says, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see
that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in
the poor box."

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked
over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw
that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"

The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and
according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon
entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have
sinned."

The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."

The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love
to me seven times."
The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons
into a glass and then drink the juice."

The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"

The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."

Well, let's ask Van or Mike to put a message that says something like
"have you contacted this person notifying them that you want to put them
on your favorites list" when they hit the "Favorites Button".

Once a priest was doing rounds around the church and decided to watch
from the altar to see who came to pray. At that moment the church doors
opened and he frowned to see who was entering. The man looked like he
had not shaven in a few days, wear a torn shirt and an old worn out
coat.

The man kneeled, inclined his head and later got up and left.

During the next few days, the same man would come in carrying a
briefcase, always kneeling briefly, getting up and leaving.

The priest began to suspect that the man might be a thief. So, one day
he stood by the church doors and waited for the man to exit. When the
man was about to exit the church the priest asked him: “Sir, what are
you doing here?”

The man said that he worked in a factory near by and that he only had
half an hour for lunch, so he would come to pray. “I stay a short time,
since the walk is a bit long and so, I only kneel and say: “LORD, I only
came, again, to tell you how happy you make me for freeing me of my
sins… I don’t know how to pray, but I think about you every day…. So,
Jesus this is Juan reporting to you.”

The priest felt bad about his thoughts and told Juan that he was
welcomed to the church anytime he want to come. He then knelt before the
altar, felt his heart melt from this great love and found Jesus.

While tears ran down his cheeks, he wholeheartedly kept saying Juan’s
prayer: “I’ve only come, my LORD, to tell you how happy I am since I
found you and you freed me from my sins….
I don’t know how to pray, but I think about you every day. So Jesus,
it’s me reporting to you.”

Then one day the priest noticed that Juan had not gone. Days passed and
Juan still did not show for his daily prayer. Worried that something had
happened to Juan, the priest went to the factory to ask about Juan.
There they told him that Juan had been taken ill and had been
hospitalized. The medics were worried about his condition, but believed
that he had a good chance of survival.

The week that Juan had been hospitalized brought about many changes in
him. He would always smile and his happiness was contagious. The Head
Nurse could not understand why Juan was so happy, since the whole time
he had been there, he had not received flowers, no cards and no
visitors. The priest followed the nurse to Juan’s bedside and Juan
heard her say: “No friend has visited him, he has nowhere to go.”

Surprised Juan retorted with a smile: “the nurse, she is mistaken….. But
she can’t know that every day, since I’ve been here, at noon, a very
dear friend comes to see me. He sit here on my bed, takes my hand, bends
over me and says: “ I only came to say, Juan, the great pleasure your
friendship has brought me, for which I freed you of your sins. It always
pleased me to listen to your prayers and think about you every day. So,
Juan, this is Jesus, reporting.”

This has been translated from spanish, hope that the message remains the
same. Read and bless you.

Buenos dias, America.
Today is beautiful, birds chirping and sun is out. Have to get out of
this house sometime.....

Hope your day is as wonderful as mine.

Oh, hold the coffee.... will take some orange juice.

Guess I've missed out on some threads....

I've already made plans to go to Pennsylvannia this summer.

Work, to make a dollar. Hard earned nad badly spent.

Well. Kait, you must break out of that small "comfort zone" to meet
people and befriend them. And only a few may become real friends and
many will be friends.

We are all friends here for this is the Equal Opportunity Friendship
Site on the net.

Spanish is the most common langauge in the world. Them spaniard settle
all over. The only thing are the dialects which differenciate them.

Soy boricua, mi lengua natal es el español. Que Dios les bendiga a
todos.

Looks like we have takenover this thread. Where did the others go?

Sometimes it's better to find opposites, they complement each other.
Similars may very well become a monotonous friendship.

Opposites with some common interest are best. Those interest that are
different may be the complemental part of the relationship.

So do not seek and yet shall find.

Yes, I am hoping that it takes an upward path soon, so that I can do
some things that I want.

Yes, the roller coaster ride is stabaling at last....down want a
downward swing either.

Who's going to tell Bill?

Yes, wego, things are just fine and looking better each day.

You've got to love old people! They say what's on their minds, no matter
what.... just like children.

Buenos dias, America.
It's true, don't post much anymore, but a lot of friends don't either,
so I just peek in, every once and a while, see what's going on and post
if I like the thread or if someone has said what I am thinking, well, I
just pass.