You know ive come to realise all my past relationships fell apart at the seams due to my own goals. I mean alot of women talk about how they want a solid guy who no matter what is gonna do what it takes to get what he wants "life goals specifically". and so far ive found only 2 types of women (please take no offence to these statements) Ive found the type that try to break u and mold u to what they want u to do, or the type that simply just doesnt care and wants ntohing to do with your personal interest or opinions...

Why cant I just find a good women (women not a little girl who thinks she is) who will respect me as I would her and just be there for me... I guess this is sort of a unload for me. My most recent relationship fell apart cause she was just a cold cruel person, no personallity and no compassion for any one but her.

I know I have my own flaws I know im not the greatest looking or most intelegent, but im so sick and tired of feeling like im secound best or that every thing depends on me, and that every thing I do theyll take offencive and as if im trying to hurt them...

Why cant I just find one that lets me be me!

I see no love I work in back with the umpa lumpa's

LOL, im sort of a random person. I like to spice thing's up and get peoples minds thinking about just small details of the day we often overlook or take advantage of. like the warmth of sunlight :O ooooh so nice, god I hate how cold oregon is.

Hm THEN WERE THE HELL OUT OF THE BILLIONS OF PEOPLE IS SHE o_o LOL jk sorry for the boldness

STEAK, what did you have for dinner tonight?

LOL, ty O_o.... Im craving donuts any one else?

15

Mew?

Hey Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm not exactly new here but I have been inactive for a long time. I do however have a question for the populace. How do you know I mean really know if some one is right for you and if there the one, I mean I'm the kind of guy I am used to being second best, I have never come a crossed any one who made me feel otherwise. so how do you know and what do you do when you do find that one or w/e it is you're looking for, I sure as hell know I have no clue wtf I'm looking for.

I have pleanty of poems on here, I try to write atleast 1 a night.
If you like I can send you my collected works LOL!

Like this for instance hmm lets see

Alone cold and without a soul
**** every thing that you think you know
Tired of playing these games
Tired of never completing this damn dreams
****ed twisted
Screw intervention
Let go of hope
Jump with the rope
Angels gone now I have no love
If you dont believe me reread the above!


completely random but first thing that came to mind.

Some thing I felt like writing right now about many things going on in my life lattelly.


Dark Perceptions

Im not what I would consider evil
I have hopes and dreams
Like and angel in disguise
you look at me with disgust
burning my angel wings to dust
I see the hatred in you're eyes
My dark perceptions destroy the pain
You fell limp into my arms
I stand here silently hatred in the blinding rain
No longer will I be chained by you're devil charms

No longer will I show kindness as my heart is torn to peaces
No longer will I sacrifice my self for you reasons
We fake a smile and hide the tear's
Never showing or embracing our fear's
Forget me now and dig us a shallow grave
No longer loving you no longer a slave
Ill walk away and be free atlast
Looking back at you through the foggy glass

My final days have come and gone
Tommorow darkness is born
Ill disapear silently before the break of dawn
Ill embrace my hatred and crown I shall adorn
My dark perception warped and twisted
A new soul onto you intrust
seductively inlisted

Dark perceptions there ways persuade
Shining brightly our hearts delayed
I am not what I would consider evil
Love is as fake as light, my darkness so real
You look at me with disgust
I let you go from earth to dust
I see the hatred in you're eyes
Torn away is you're dark disguise
You're perception gets off to my pain
You fell limp into my arms
I stand here silently hatred in the blinding rain
No longer will I be chained by you're devil charms

I wrote this journal entry about 6 months ago about a x of mine, maybe it will help some one out there.
Ive changed alot myself sence I wrote this, so maybe itll help you turn a page.

Well I learned a valuble lessons or 2 today, Ive learned that its impossible to make others love you if you can not love you're self, and that some times no matter how bad you want some thing ultimatelly you cant be the one to allways grab it.
To explain I will use many example in my own live, for instance lets take my x gf, a sweet girl, the kind of girl you would want to spend the rest of you're life with.
Sadly however It most likelly will never happen, as much as you love her strong will and drive they have been turned agianst you.
When she tells you that she just wants to be friends because shes not ready for a relationship, and she wants to accomplish some thing with her life, its like a wave of confusion.
You're happy because she has a drive and she knows what she wants, you love her because Shes honest yeat again and isnt trying to hurt her, you hate her because even though you would do any thing for her it has come time to do the hardest thing.....let go.
You'r so confused and so emotional, that when she tells you, you run and hide and even as you fight to hold back the tears as you're world begains to fall apart, you try to turn it into hate.
However this time is different, this time I cant turn it into hate, all it does is fester like a wound.
The kind of wound the slowly seems to eat away at you all day untill you're exhausted.
She the kind of girl that you want to just grab her kiss her shake her and make her realise that there some one who would give any thing for her standing right infront of her, you cant because you're a gentlemen and you know when to bow out.
This kills you even to think it, it doesnt matter how long or short the relationship its self was, love is instantaneous, it happneds so quickly and quietly that most the time we never notice untill its gone.
She is the kind of girl that you just wish you could tell her how you felt even after you're no longer together, and those casual accedental bump in or touches send a instant wave of emotiosn through you, causing odd spasms making you call her hun or sweety.
These are the kind of things I will deal with daily untill some time soon, when you 2 no longer work together.
Its the kind of thing that even though you will be glad she is gone just to end having to see her every day, part of you will die if you never see her again.
This is the kind of thing that makes a man seem crazy, how so few of us have it happen is amazing.
Women allways talk about wanting to find a man who just loves them for who they are and would do any thing for them, and yeat when they find us....they dont even see it.
Shes the kind of girl, you would wait for, and yeat so eagerly cant wait for the waiting to stop, shes the kind of girl that every time ur alone together you just want to pull her close and kiss her.
Sadly as you cant, because even if she does feel for you too, you told her you wouldnt and you told her you understood, in truth she didnt dump you you let her go.
These are the things that us good guys must live with I soppouse, and for some reason we still cling to hope.
Mine is simple and it will probbaly never happen.
But just one just one time in my life and hers to just let go of all our doubts fears and lower our walls, one of those times when ur least expecting it when ur bolth alone perhaps when you have ur back turned, for her to just say forget it and embrace you to be caught in that moment of a blissfull kiss.
This is what its like to be me at this secound, so much confusion and hopes that some how she will come to her sences and want you back, and yeat you know deep inside because you're the person you are it will most likelly never happen.
But just to be proven wrong one time, and to finally be loved by some one oh what a moment it would be.
I have also learned that such things are built on perspective, just as I feel for her, she may not feel for me.
In such cases as those they hurt even worse esspecially sence you want them so badly.
Other see it in you constantly, you have a glow and yeat inside you are dieing.
they constantly ask you why you are happy, while really you're angry at the whole world.
the whole world around you has become a festering wound in itself, some sort of desease you cant bare.
You wear a smile and yeat you wish you could stay at home and just be alone for a day and cry.
This is what its like to be me forever, trapped inside of a shell of who I formelly was, trapped in despair wanting for some one to let you out, you hide the pain and yeat feel guilt for you're own self pitty.
Because you know others have suffered worse.
But you still feel pitty for ur self, the contant lack of feeling in parts of ur limbs, the way u have to walk with a limp, the way you have to struggle half the time to hide the pain in you're neck each time you move.
The way you hide the scars all over you're body, the way most of all you hide you're shame, and you realise once again just like how you got into this magled body, it has also destroy ed you.
The jealousy the rage, the pure hatred of the world, and most of all love.
While now all at the same time those are the things you want, you want love to be in love and to stop the pain this person and driven into you, you want hate to drive away thoughts of her so you can get by in a day without others wanting to bother and ask you how you feel.
Jealousy, well its funny how it works, in truth all jealousy is a lack fo faith in our selfs, that was my downfall 4 years ago, and even know it still is, she speaks of her friends trying to get her a guy and instantly you want to choke on the cigarett ur smoking.
these words hurt and you feel betrayel and dont know why, she doesnt see it in ur eyes because like every thing else you hide it.
You feel frustration with her because she cant see that you're right there infront of her wanting her to see you in a different way then she does.
you hold back and instead focus on the comedy of her story enough to fake a smile and a laugh, she tells u she hung out withy another guy that night to avoide what happend, this confuses you even more and drives the hate into you're blood.
You hate it simply because it wasnt you she came to, you feel confused because you know that you have no right to think these things any more, and yeat you still do.
This is what it will be like untill Ive learned w/e I am soppoused to from this.
I will learn a valuable lesson on letting go, and perhaps thats the message in it all, perhaps I have held onto things for to long, perhaps it is time to show my scars and let go of the feelings in them.
Maybe just maybe in the end she will one day love you in return, if not then atleast you wont walk away empty handed.

wERE THE HELL IS MINE

awwwwwwwwwwww, ok fine *punches self, yaaaaaaa do ti again *PUNCHES HARDER YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA PUCK YAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Huh,im so lost.! I think I turned left and made a circle some were.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA PIT TIME!!!!!!!!!!! *PUNCHES THE PERSON BELOW HIM!

I agree, that sounds like fun, by the way whnat drugs are you taking, I want some!

The things I love and hate

The things I hate the most in life can not be taken away
I walk this lonely road trying ti hide from the light of day
i will make the greatest sacrifice
but you will never take me alive
I will turn this light into a reason
Shedding my failure like the change of seasons

{chorus}
The things We treasured the most in life
Is how I stand here silently when you ask me why
Our light
Our reason
Our daily salvation
There will never be a cause to great to face demise
It is how I stand here silently when you ask me why

The things I hated most in life can not be given to you
They will never surrender or lose a reason so true
I play a silent song
long and drawn
Im alive and singing
Im awake and yeat still dreaming
Protecting myself from the heart of others
Clinging to hope, like the bossom of mother
Im alone and face the dawn
Playing this song long and drawn
Im alive and singing
but the things I hate most in life is to what I cling

{chorus}
Why do you make this sacrifice
For the things that you hate most in life
Completelly jaded
This road so jagged
There must surelly be a reason why
Why you stand here silently, as I cry

The things I finally love most in life
Allways there staring me in the eye
You asked me why im not there allready
So many miles seperate us sadly
But this I promise my love
Soon to you I will come

The things I hate most in life
Ive given up for you tonight
A chance at redemeption finally free
I step into the light and finally breath
The things I now love more then life
Come to me best when I look into you're eyes

{chorus}

The things I now love more then life
Come to me best when I am lost in you're eyes
Shed the old skin
I am no longer dead
Beautifull thoughts begain to fill my head
As I begain to live again
For the things I once hated most in life
Ive cut lose with this redeeming knive

The things I now love more then life
Come easier when Im with you at night
Shed the death of my heart
You repaint my every thing, a devine art
You are my every thing
My lovely misery
Ended at last
I forget what I hated, lost to the past

The things Ive hated most in life
ive forgotten with you in a single night

Sence I was young Ive tasted sorrow on the goune and the sweet sugar gum could not protect me.

O_O....send em to some of the guys...I am sure theyll be hapy to fill the bill!