Boobs, lollipops - just the thing to start the day, methinks!

Good morning! Lashings of hot coffee and lots of cigarettes are available to anyone who wishes to call. Kippers for breakfast this morning - you're welcome!

Have a lovely day!

If I might make so bold - you are lovely!

Awwwwww! Thanks, V, and thanks, B.

Chazzer was speeding on the road to Windsor Castle. He knocked down one of the Queen's corgis - and splattered it. Overcome with remorse, he got out of his car to see if there was anything he could do for the corgi. As he walked towards the dog, he spotted an old-fashioned lamp on the ground. He picked it up and rubbed it: a genie appeared and said "Thank you for freeing me from that lamp. I have been imprisoned in it for one thousand years. As a reward, I will grant you anything your heart desires". "Well" said Chazza "can you do something with that splattered corgi? Mummy will be furious with me". The genie looked at the corgi and replied "Sorry, no, not a single thing".

"OK" said Chazza, sadly. Look at this photograph of my first wife, Diana, Princess of Wales. She was killed in a car accident, you know. She was so very pretty. Now look at this photograph of my second wife, Camilla. She is not as beautiful as Diana. Please can you make Camilla as pretty as Diana was?"

The genie studied Camilla's photograph carefully for a couple of minutes. Then, turning to Chazza, he said "Let's have a look at that corgi again".

Wonderful, thanks. I hope you have a great day, too. What a nice posting!

Brilliant! Here's another Monica one A friend of mine, who is very deaf, has a dry-cleaning business. One day, Monica Lewinski walked into his shop and asked if she could have a dress cleaned. My friend could not hear her properly and said "Come again". To which Monica replied "No, tomato soup".

Having considered the matter greatly, I think I would probably say "If I'm not there, start without me".

Seriously, though, I would do everything I could to help.

Absolutely right about the other side of the pond: I live on the Isle of Spooks!! As for the picture - it would perhaps make a good death mask?

Well, I'm 65 this year, but feel like 37 plus VAT - and I'm a terrible mathematician!! And I'm growing old DISGRACEFULLY!! So there.

I have been into the paranormal/ghost hunting scene for many years. Do you have any interesting spooky experiences you would like to tell us about?

I know precisely what my ratings would be. When I was young, my step-parents used to rent me out to haunt houses!!

Coffee (lots of) and cigarettes (lots of) freely available, even thought it's late afternoon over here!

Mmmmm!! Any chance of an invite to your party?

Don't feel too bad! This morning, I dropped my bottle of best whisky on the kitchen floor ......... Sob!

This is absolutely beautiful, and so very evocative. It brought tears to my eyes.

If 20 is illegal, 65 is positively disgusting - but it is rather nice to grow old disgracefully!!

Hello from England. Coffee and cigarettes here if you need them! Have a great day!