A small zoo in Indiana obtained a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem.
The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.

The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?

Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:
'First', Bobby Lee said, 'I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips.'

The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

'Second', he said, 'She must wear a 'Dale Earnhardt Forever' T-Shirt.'

The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

'Third', he said, 'you can't never tell no one about this.'

The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

'Fourth', Bobby Lee said, 'I want all the children raised

Southern Baptist.' Once again it was agreed.

'And last,' Bobby Lee said, 'I'll need another week to come
up with the $500.00.'

MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
'Please note that this Bank is installing new
Drive-through ATM machines enabling
customers to withdraw cash without leaving
their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are
requested to use the procedures outlined
below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research,
MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been
developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for
your gender.'

*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
*******************************

FEMALE PROCEDURE:
Unfortunately, most of this part
is the Truth.!!!!


1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required
amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on
to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call
them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access
to machine due to its excessive distance
from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary
with your PIN written on the inside
back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet
and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in cheque register
and place receipt in back of cheque book.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder,
and place card in to the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver
waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

We got 7 ppl 2 cases of beer and bottle of jack into a beetle one night......turned out to be a pretty good party too.

well I don't know if he is a racist or not. I do know that in Hawaii while in college his mentor was a prominent member of the american communist party, that he has been at least linked to an admitted american terrorist, that his wife has publicly said she has never been proud of this country before and that he sat for twenty years listening to a man he spoke of as "a member of his family" and wrote so highly of in his book, until that mans hate sermons were made public that is. Its always been my understanding that a place of worship was where one went to LEARN the moral footing to make right and decent decisions. If these are the kinds of lessons he has learned and are using them as the foundation for his philosophy maybe everyone should take a closer look!

a little girl walks up to her maother one morning and says" momma last night I heard noises and peeked into your room and daddy had his man thing in you girl thing"

Mom thinks a second and tells her" yes dear we were trying to make a baby"

little girl thinks for a moment and asks" so if daddy puts his man thing in your girl thing you get a baby?"

moms says yes thats how it works..

Little girl says "but momma the other day I peeked into your room and you had daddy's man thing in your mouth, What does that get you?"

Mom answers................
















Jewelry!!!!!!!!

yea all them damn pennies get heavy

talking to my ex is like visiting a mobile Proctologist and seeing a truck coming at you...

your pants are down your in a bad position and its going to be a lot louder and more painful then it needs to be

Woman comes running into the house "you wont believe it I won, I won"

Her husband comes up all excited what did you win?

I won the Lotto, set for LIFE! Get packed!

He asks "pack for where, the beach, the mountains, the Islands,
where?"

She says..........................











Doesn't matter just pack and get the hell out!!!!!!

Hello TX....were you in the weather last night?

welcome to jsh!!! grab a brew kick back and enjoy the insanity

I tell my dog everything. But she has never spread any of it around

Nevada gotta be nevada

it doesn't bother me. they want to look I figure they need a good laugh. They want to drop a note I'll answer, they don't write then have a good day.

Listen to the wise grasshopper

Play the doggy style or ruin mood by drowning

Those are the times I'm just perving!

If I see a nice looking lady's pic on the forum I check out her profile to see that kind of information.

I carry pics of both....refer to my "pet" as my baby girl.


<---------thats her!

anyone who would be cruel and uncaring to loving helpless animal would be just as cruel and uncaring to a woman or child.

Ive been celibate so long they didn't have stds-

good thing too, lab reports were etched into stone

Should not be giving advice at all. everyone knows you look for the easiest solution.......water in the gas, add a bit of STP!!