Glad you guys are enjoying it. It's nice to get a good laugh any time of the day.

Glad you guys are enjoying it, just don't use a Johnson and Johnson termometer.

I haven't personally puchased one for inspection but let me know if it's really says that.

Sorry if it's a repeat but I haven't been on here long enough to know what has and has not.

Last Friday, I was buying a 80 lb. bag of
Purina "low-cal" for Sheba our 120 lb.
Labrador dog at Wal-Mart and was about
to check out...

When a woman behind me asked if "I had a dog."

On impulse, I told her that no, I didn't
have a dog, and that I was starting the
Purina Diet again.

Although I probably shouldn't, because
I'd ended up in the hospital last time,
but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I
awakened in an intensive care ward with
tubes coming out of most of my orifices
and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect
diet and that the way that it works is to
load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets
and simply eat one or two every time you
feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally
complete so I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically
everyone in the line was by now enthralled
with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in the
intensive care unit because the dog food
poisoned me.

I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff
an Irish Setter's butt hole and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to
have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!

WAL-MART won't let me shop there any longer!!!

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.

A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask. 'Are my testicles black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'

He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, are my testicles black?'

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.

Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, 'Thank You very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely.....


A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?

When you have a, "I Hate My Job," day,
[even if retired you have those sometimes] try this:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the
Thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by
Johnson &
Johnson
Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your
doors,
Draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be
disturbed.
Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite
chair.
Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully
place it on
A table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or
broken.
Now the fun part begins.
Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You
will
Notice that in small print there is a statement:
'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is
personally tested
And then sanitized. '
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, I am so
glad I do
Not work in the thermometer quality control department at
Johnson &
Johnson.'
HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH
A JOB
THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE BUTT THAN YOURS

Hey honey,

I realize that I'm not one of the guys but when you open up your profile for rating you'll get one from all.

I think that the second pic of you is the best. You truly are a beautiful girl and therefore you might want to be careful about what you are showing in your pics. Keep in mind that guys that are out there for a real relationship don't need or want to see alot of skin. The guys that think only with their lower brain do.

Be careful it almost looks as if you are selling something. I hate to say that. I would also say a little more about yourself and watch the spelling and grammer.

Hey, don't know why you haven't received any responses cause you're not bad at all. Have you been sending out emails and getting on the community forums. Also try mutual match. This place can be alot of fun but not by yourself. So I suggest you saddle up young buck and ride on in.

You are one classy lady and seem to be alot of fun, too bad you live so far away; I'd like to meet you as a friend, we could have alot of fun together.

Hey, all you young people there's alot to learn from this lady. I haven't even met her, but I already know that she's not only beautiful, she's intelligent and classy. No need to show skin when you got the rest baby!!

Good job sweetie, you pack the punch without the skin, lots of class. I really appreciate women like you!!

Honey, you are a beautiful girl and it's good to know what you want but remember it may not be what God's plan is for you.

By the way, if they think your profile is long maybe I had better change mine!

Good luck

The heck with "If I was younger" I wish I was closer baby!!!

Miss Piggys French Love Connection OINK OINK

Note to self "Ditto that note" VERY Good

VERY VERY GOOD!!!!

Can't you email them to yourself, then save them to your desktop and upload them from there. Just a suggestion but I don't really know Kodak software.

Good Luck

I might if I were younger, but it would also depend upon alot of other things.

I guess it's a good thing I'm not a guy cause you wouldn't be getting any dates - seems you're not their type!

Good luck in your quest - You might want to elaborate a bit more about yourself and the type of person you are looking for.

Honey, I think that you are adorable (no I'm not gay) and I think that you are going to have to watch out for those dogs because it already seems that a few are barking. Which I guess can be good as long as they are not barking up the wrong tree.

Hey, I'll make the first move, after pondering it for a while, or if he doesn't seem to be.

Depends upon how much I'm interested too.

Sometimes I think they are shy too!

oops still learning how to use this thing